I Want to Divorce My Husband Over Kids Left by His Sister
Raising children is hard and hence having kids should be a conscious choice that you make on your own. But sometimes life takes unexpected turns where you are basically left without a choice. This is what happened with a woman from Reddit who decided to divorce her husband because of kids.
I (F29) knew from a young age I didn’t ever want to have or raise children. I met my husband in college, and he was decidedly child-free too. We got married a couple of years back.
My husband’s younger sister (F24) has three kids (M5, M & F 2) with different deadbeat guys. Two months ago she left all of them at our house, said she was going on an errand and never came back. Just left. We filed a report and everything. Last we heard she was safe but did not want to come back.
My husband’s mom is a minimum-wage worker barely scraping by. She used to be a single mom and did not want to raise these kids.
I don’t want to raise them either. Don’t get me wrong, I feel bad for them. But raising kids is a huge responsibility I don’t want to take up.
In the 2 months they were here, our expense has increased, we had to buy them clothes and stuff, and they are sleeping in our living room on air mattresses (we only have one bedroom). I had to work from home and look after them cause my husband could not get them and daycare for 3 is expensive. It has been really rough, to say the least.
CPS did get involved and asked us whether we wanted to keep the kids or not. I do not. I thought my husband would be on the same page, but he wants to keep the kids. CPS has asked us to decide quickly and make necessary changes (get a bigger home for one).
My husband and I have gone back and forth on this. I cannot live the next 16 years like this. Raising kids is hard. And expensive. But he wants to be there for his family. Which I get.
So yesterday I told him I want a divorce. Quickly, before he made any commitments and dragged me into it with him. He got offended that I divorced him over kids. For abandoning him when he needed me.
I told him he knew my boundaries well in advance and this was a commitment (children) that he was unilaterally deciding on.
It’s obvious that both suffer from this situation since the man didn’t expect that his sister would disappear. And he cannot leave his nephews and niece and the woman didn’t want to have kids, but now she has to raise them. People online also expressed different points of view on it.
- It’s not surprising that your husband wouldn’t want to put his nephew/nieces in foster care after a situation that there was no way to predict. There are horror stories all over the Internet and news about the broken foster system.
That said you vehemently don’t want kids and if this is something you’re unwilling to take on (which is absolutely your right) then it would be better to end it before the resentment of the situation takes over your life. Hawkfan4_life / Reddit
- Forcing someone into parenthood is also bad for those children. If you are ill-equipped or unwilling, those children will be the ones who suffer from it. They deserve parents who want them wholeheartedly, and nothing less. cypresscoydog / Reddit
- Like what’s her husband supposed to do? He could very well still not want kids, but of course, he’s not going to abandon those poor kids in foster care. He’s stuck with this situation and could very well feel just as upset about it as the woman does. And now he has to deal with it all alone.
Like I get it. She shouldn’t be there if she’s going to resent them but... I don’t know. I feel for her husband in this situation. starryeyedq / Reddit
- Imagine as a child that your dad leaves, then your mom leaves you, your grandma can’t take you in and then your uncle and auntie give you up... The woman got dealt an awful hand, but the kids got dealt an even worse one. Terrible situation all around but you can’t really fault an uncle for not giving up on his nieces and nephews just like that. throwAwayfor****sand / Reddit
Which side will you take? Caring for children is a significant responsibility, and finding someone who may help with it can be challenging. Many parents turn to those they trust the most. For instance, another online user has shared a story where she faced a last-minute babysitting request from her sister.