15 Things Kids Said That Prove Parenting Is a Comedy Show, on Repeat

Kids can and do say the funniest things. What they say stays with parents as comedic gold for the rest of their lives. Here are some such sweet anecdotes of children inadvertently saying the funniest things that prove their little brains operate on a different level.

• The day before my last birthday, my son asked me if I was going to get those lines on my face like Nanny and Pa. I was woken up at the crack of dawn to hot breath in my face, and the split second I opened my eyes, “Hey mum! No lines!” It was my 28th birthday. © madpip34 / Reddit
• We still joke about the time my kid got up and said:
  “I don't want you to be mad at me.”
  “For what?”
  “For getting out of bed.”
  “Okay, I'll try. Why are you out of bed?”
  “To say, I don't want you to be mad at me. For getting out of bed.” © RoRoRoYourGoat / Reddit
• Sometimes my 2-year-old and I will be playing, and she'll just go, “BYEEE.” That's her way of saying, “I'm done playing with you; thank you for your service; I got it from here; please go away.”
  If I don't get up and leave, she'll grab my hand, walk me into another room, and close the door. The whole time, she just repeats “BUH-BYE” over and over again. It's so savage. © Unknown author / Reddit

• Our daughter just figured out how to open doorknobs. I woke up at 3AM to find her standing in our room.
  Me: “Hey, sweetie. Do you need something?”
  Kid: “I don't like when I get peanut butter on my hands.”
  Me: “Ok…”
  Her: “It's sticky.”
  Me: “Ok…”
  She turns and walks out of our room, down the hall, back into her room, and climbs into her bed. © HoopOnPoop / Reddit
• When my oldest was 3, at the supper table he said, “Mommy, daddy! Guess what! After supper, we’re going to play hide and seek, and I’m going to hide behind the chair, and nobody will find me there!” © missingmarkerlidss / Reddit

• My oldest, struggling with a Kool-Aid drink bottle.
  My friend: “You having troubles, little buddy?”
  My son, with attitude: “NO! I’m having JUICE!” © mammakat13 / Reddit
• My kid was like 4 and drawing a picture of the log burning on the fire, in her little notebook. She said, “I'm gonna fill this book with pictures of all the logs I see! It will be my log book!” And she didn't understand why we were busting a gut laughing. © lunapuff / Reddit
• I asked my 4-year-old to try some of the tomato sauce I made on top of her pasta, so she took a bite, and while she was chewing, she held up her hands in fists and started saying, “Loading thumbs…loading thumbs…loading thumbs... Mmmmm.” And then held one thumb up and one thumb down. What am I supposed to do with that?! © Redshirt_Down / Reddit

• Son (7) (watching a football game): “Why is that guy called a vampire?”
  Me: “Umpire. He's called the umpire.”
  Son: “Umpire? What's that?”
  Me: “He's a guy who helps make sure the players follow the rules. If they break the rules, he throws a little flag, and the team who breaks the rule gets a penalty.”
  Son: “And he can go out in the daytime?”
  Me: “Yup.”
  Son: “What about garlic and holy water?”
  Me: “No problem; he's just a guy in a funny shirt. Just a regular human.”
  Son: “So why do they even listen to him? Those guys are way bigger than he is; they could just beat him up.”
  Me: “Well, that's not the point, though.”
  Son: “I thought they were scared he would drink their blood or something; this is disappointing.” © gaqua / Reddit

• This situation played out the other day. His 2nd grade teacher, a gem of a man, told Atlas (my son) that it makes him really sad that Atlas doesn't get to participate in the art that's happening because of his choices (not doing math, not participating in reading, etc.).
  My kid, my little troublemaker, looks the teacher in the eye and says, “Well, like Miss Kylie (the school counselor) says, 'You're in charge of your own happiness.'” © fuzzyvulture / Reddit
• One kid referred to her ankle as her “foot wrist” when she didn't know the word “ankle”, still cracks me up. The other kid was a toddler; the cat went running by, and the kid yells, “LUNCHBOX!” and runs after her. No one has any clue what it could have possibly meant. © otherdave / Reddit

• One night, when my daughter was just barely 3, she had just had her bath and was in her bedroom getting ready for bed. She'd got her nightdress on, and I fetched a pull-up and told her to get it on, she refused it. I explained that it was required before getting into bed because she wasn't quite there as far as dry nights go, but she was adamant that she didn't want to.
  Had a brief back-and-forth about which ended with her storming out of the room, taking time to stop at the door, turn around with her hands on her hips, jut her chin out defiantly in my direction, and declare, “It's my life!”
  She's an actual teenager now and has still not surpassed that moment as far as emotional teenage demonstrations are concerned — I have absolutely no idea where she picked that up. © Larry_Mudd / Reddit
• 4-year-old cuddles onto my chest while we watch a family movie. I shed a manly tear at a sad moment. He looks up at me: “Don't drop your sadness on my face!” © TheObserver89 / Reddit

• You can't make this stuff up: this morning at 3:40 AM, I woke to hear my 6-year-old daughter
  calling out, “Dad? Dad?” I found her going to the bathroom. “Dad? I'm worried that if I flush
  the toilet, the noise will wake you up.”
  When I pointed out that I was awake, because she had called out for me, she shrugged, did her business, and went back to bed. Meanwhile, I tossed around for a good hour before falling back asleep.
• I love six, it’s so much fun. I realized today that since I talked incessantly to my firstborn when he was a baby and then a toddler to help him develop his language, he now narrates everything. Constantly.
  BUT now I also get gems like, “I have troubling news,” and “I’m available to play when you have spare time.” And “Well, that’s just so on and so forth.” Or, my favorite, “Ay, ay, ay, the drama!” © cakesie / Reddit

Here are more such gems uttered by children who can brighten even the dullest day.