Cheating may feel like an incredibly painful experience, and probably none of us wants to encounter it. Whether it happens because of exaggerated expectations, falling out of love, or inadequate self-esteem, it often occurs and remains the number one reason marriages fall apart.
One man has recently learned that his wife had a big skeleton in a cupboard and, despite being happily married for 20 years, the desperate man cannot forgive her till this day.
A man, 43, has written to Reddit in order to find comfort and advice from non-indifferent people. He and his wife, 44, have been married for 20 happy years. The man told his story, pointing out that he and his then wife-to-be started dating in high school when he was a junior, and she was a senior. They were long distance for his wife’s first two years of college while he was in high school.
They both studied one year at community college, then they went to college in the same city for a year. Since that time, they have lived together. The couple got married the summer after the man graduated from college. Their marriage has been pretty great so far for both spouses, at least the man thought so. Recently, he decided to start a divorce process, because he had discovered that his wife was unfaithful to him with multiple other men, and the period of time when it happened, was the most painful revelation for the man.
One day, right after Christmas, the spouses decided to get together with a few friends of the man’s wife, who had known her since they were in the college. They all intended to catch up, have dinner, and hang out. In the company of each other, they talked about a lot of stuff, and the man’s wife mentioned that they met in high school. Her old college roommate commented that it was crazy that they met in high school, had a few wild years in college, then ended up together. The man played along and commented that he didn’t know if his wife was as crazy as he was.
The roommate started to tell a story, but the man’s wife suddenly cut her off and said she was uncomfortable about it. The man wrote, “I sensed something was up, so I said that we started dating in high school and were together for my wife’s entire time at college.” All of her friends got real quiet and the dinner was awkward, “On the way out, one of her other roomates took me aside and said I should have ’an honest conversation’ about what happened at college.”
He wrote, “I asked my wife about it on the way home and she kind of blew me off. I told her it was important that she was honest with me, and again she said it wasn’t important. She said that the details of her college life weren’t important. When we got home, I told her I was going to stay at my brother’s house until she was ready to talk about what happened in college.”
The next day, she came over and admitted to cheating on her husband with “several” men during her first two years at college. She said she didn’t consider it a big deal at the time because they were long distance, and she didn’t think a high school romance would last. The man pressed for more details, and she said it was at least 10 different men, including at least 3 guys she introduced to him as friends when he came to visit on weekends and 1 guy she was still in contact with. The man immediately decided to file for divorce and intended to start the paperwork as soon as he could.
Many people now are telling him that he shouldn’t throw away his marriage over a few mistakes. But the man is convinced that cheating on him with multiple men for years is unacceptable, no matter when it happened. And the fact that she continued to maintain relationships with these guys right in front of him was an intolerable amount of disrespect. The couple have two children, but they are 17 and 19 and the man is sure the kids will understand why he needs to end the marriage.
And here’s yet another complex life story of a man who accidentally found out that 5 out of 6 kids that he had, weren’t his. And the decision he’s made may seem really tough for many people.
In my first marriage, I had 2 brothers-in-law. Two looked alike and one looked like my FIL. Don't feel bad for me; hubs had kept his squeeze from before I met him and she delivered a 10# son a month after the annulment. They married and had 4 more I hear. Glad it didn't work out for me but I did like MIL.
Personally, I think he is being ridiculous. Of course when she was in college and he was still in high school, AND in a long distance relationship, she didn't think it was serious! I get it if she had cheated when they were together, but at the time, in her mind, it was nothing serious. Throwing away a good marriage for something that happened twenty years ago is pure insanity!
