As a Husband and Dad, I Feel Like I’m Just an Unglorified Wallet and No One Respects Me in the Family

Both spouses in a family must work really hard to make their home a place where everyone’s rights and obligations are equal and no one is bearing a burden that’s too hard for them. Our today’s hero is a man, who feels like his family needs him only as a breadwinner. He took to Reddit with his story, seeking other people’s opinions and advice.

The man took to Reddit to share his concerns with other people.

A desperate man wrote to one of Reddit’s communities to tell his family story and to listen to other people’s opinions about it.

He began his post, saying, «I’ve been married for 8 years. I’m 30, my wife is 33. We have two kids; a boy, 5, and a girl, 3.»

The man shared how he usually organizes his routine and how many things he does for his family. He said, «I get up every week day at 4:00am. Clean up the litter box, walk the dog, sweep up the house (no vacuum because everyone is still sleeping). I fold the clothes that had dried overnight in the dryer. I check the children’s laundry baskets, and start new loads.»

After all chores are done, the man doesn’t take a rest, he continues with other things. He explained, «I go for a three miles run in the dark at 5:00am. I’m showered and on the road by 6:00am. I commute for an hour and a half to a job I’m not particularly thrilled about, but I’m good at it, and I’m paid well. I’d rather be home building furniture and learning to be a chef.»

The man ends his day at work, but it doesn’t mean he takes a well-deserved rest afterwards. He said, «Officially I work from 8:00am to 5:00pm, but we rarely finish at the office before 6:30pm. I drive home another hour and a half.»

The man is troubled by the way how his family meets him at home after work.

The man goes on with his confession, saying, «When I get home, the house is a mess. There’s no dinner. I’m starving. Did they eat? Yes they did. Uber Eats. Did they order anything for dad? Maybe, if I’m lucky. Wife will be on her phone. Daughter sometimes sleeping, sometimes not, son sometimes sleeping, sometimes not.»

The man admitted that he’d love to be more present in his family. He said, «I’d like to spend time with them, but I need to eat. Bowl of cereal or TV dinner, then.»

After dinner, he still doesn’t take a minute of rest. The man explained, «I check the laundry machine. Yep. Laundry from this morning is still there, and a huge pile that didn’t even get started is next to the machine. I put the first load into the dryer and start the next ones.»

The relationship in the family is really tense, without any understanding from both sides.

The man goes on, saying, «Wife lectures me on how stressful and hard her day was. How hard can it be when I hired a day nanny. Oh, she means stressful drama with her friends. Oh yes, tell me about what a kind of person Brenda is and what a perfect mom she thinks she is and how she’s fake. My, that’s so interesting.»

The man gets a lot of criticism from his spouse. He wrote, «She tells me about how I never have time for any of them and how I’m an absentee father and I need to „step up“ my contribution at home.»

The man is speaking to his wife in his post, he’s saying, «Well, this weekend I have to mow the lawn and paint the garage and do all sorts of other chores you insist need to be done only by me, I’m sorry if there’s not two of me and I can’t go on play dates with you.
I’m sorry I can’t be like the J Crew family in the ad and be smiling all the time. Someone has to pay for the house you insisted on, the SUVs you insisted on, the Montessori school you insisted on, the fashionable clothes you insisted on, the organic this and that you insisted on, the hair salon and nail appointments you insisted on.
Thanks for calling me selfish for spending time on myself on my three-mile runs. It’s the only thing for me, I ever get to do, thanks, and it’s while you’re sleeping.»

The man described how he sees a happy relationship that he doesn’t have now.

The man poured his thoughts about things that he seemed to be fed up with. He again spoke to his wife in his post and said, «I really wish you wouldn’t condescend to me when you discuss me to your friends, as if I’m obsessed with my career and that’s why you’re stuck being supermom. You already know I’m happy with an apartment and used economy cars and buying our clothes at Target and working a job where I get to be home to see my kids.»

He also criticized his wife, saying, «Why are you and the nanny so busy that your combined efforts can’t put the load of laundry in the dryer and press a button. Why do you leave dishes in the sink for me to do after I come home.»

The man has his own model of a happy family, and he explained how it looks like, «If you want me to keep working my 160k a year job to fun your lifestyle that’s fine, I’m your hubby and that’s what I signed up for. I’m your man, and it’s my job to support you. I wish you would act like you’re on my side, though, realize that I want to be home, but if you want all the stuff you insist are non-negotiable, someone’s got to go out there and pay for them because that all isn’t free.»

He goes on, saying, «Thing is, all of it would be more okay if you just said thanks, Mike, I know you’re working hard or us and that you’re doing your part to keep this train rolling. I’m a husband and a father. I’m a workhorse. That’s life.»

The man admitted in his post that he told his wife how he feels, but she just told him he was being a crybaby. He says, «I don’t think asking you to order something for me if you’re going to spend money on dinner is unreasonable. If you really want to impress me, cook something for all of us.»

The man revealed how he feels about his family, saying, «Marriage is a partnership. It feels like I’m doing more of the lifting than half. That’s okay. But I need you to not gaslight me and treat me like I do nothing while you do everything. That’s not cool. I’m not your dad, but I feel like I’ve just taken custody of you and our kids and just get treated badly.»

The man ended his post, saying, «Please stop rolling your eyes like it’s cringe when I try to play guitar and sing with our kids. They love it. You don’t have to, but please don’t encourage them to laugh at me. This is not a contest. This is marriage. I do my part, you do your part. Your part shouldn’t be laughing at my part, thanks.»

People of Reddit were quick to react to the man’s confession with their comments.

People were very supportive of the man in the comments, and they expressed their points of view regarding this situation.

One person advised, «Honestly, make her read this; What you wrote. Its very expressive and well written and gets the point across without being mean. Sounds like you need to have a serious sit down with your wife.»

Another user added, «My wife claimed she did all the work, constantly to her friends. I thought she was joking around about it. But it turned out she actually thought she was doing ’everything.’
We ended up having to sit down and write out what we each did, because apparently I was doing ’nothing.’ I ’won’ with about 4 hours more per week. She decided anything outside the house didn’t count (lawns, garden, etc) so it was closer to even. But at least she admitted it was ’fair’ in the end and stopped complaining.»

And one person said, «I think it’s easy for us all to tell you what we think you should do, but it’s like with bad habits — people make changes when they’re ready to.
You’re a good father, a good husband, and a good provider. What you’re not is good to you. I hope you can find your next step forward, and not continue to feel like life is more often than not sideways.»

And here’s yet another confession from a woman, who sacrificed her own feelings and adopted a kid of her husband’s ex-wife, who was not even her husband’s biological son. Read the article to find more about this heartwarming family story.