One of our readers lives a quiet vegan lifestyle—never preaching, never pressuring, simply choosing what feels right for her. So when she planned a birthday dinner with dishes for everyone, she thought it would be a night of celebration. Instead, the group chat took an unexpected turn. Her response? Subtle, but powerful.
Why are you planning your own 30th birthday party? Did you give friends a chance to create a fun moment for you, or did you rush and try to plan your own thing? If you are hosting your own party, you pay. Friends bring bday gifts. The fact you had to have your own party says a lot. Either way friends aren’t great friends. And a 30 year old planning their own party is sad. You’re not 8 years old 🫤
“Hi Bright Side!
For my 30th birthday, I booked a small, casual restaurant — nothing fancy, just a spot with a mix of vegan and non-vegan options so everyone could enjoy themselves. I double-checked the menu to make sure no one would feel left out.
Then the group chat started. First came the jokes about ‘rabbit food.’ Then the question: ‘Do we all have to order vegan just because it’s your birthday?’ I reminded them they could eat whatever they wanted. But then someone said, ‘If you’re making us adjust for you, maybe you should cover the bill.’ And a couple of others agreed.
That was it. I canceled.
Instead, I booked myself a table at the fanciest steakhouse in town. Yes, a steakhouse. They also happened to have an incredible vegan tasting menu — something I’d always wanted to try but never had an excuse to splurge on.
Course after course arrived, plated like art, every bite better than the last. I sat there smiling, knowing that what was supposed to be a group dinner had turned into something better: a celebration just for me.
Best 30th I could’ve imagined.”
From managing a guest list that mixes friend groups, to juggling dietary needs, and finding a spot that feels fun but affordable, birthday dinners often turn into logistical marathons. And at the center of it all? The check.
Do you split it evenly? Should the birthday person pay? Or do guests cover their own meals—and the guest of honor’s too?
There’s no universal rule, and that’s where tension brews. Add in cocktails, wildly different orders, or a forgotten Venmo, and things can get awkward fast.
Here’s the truth: hosting a birthday dinner at a restaurant isn’t much different from throwing a party at home. The problem is that restaurants introduce unspoken expectations and messy money moments that can sour the celebration.
My bff is vegan and she invited us at some vegan restaurant and it was delicious, it just shows once again what ignorance and ignorant people look like
Let’s be real: there’s no official rulebook for birthday dinners. But here’s the truth—if you’re the one planning it, you’ve gotta be upfront. Tell your friends what they’re in for, money-wise, before the group chat explodes.
Treat yourself to a solo celebration (no Venmo requests required).
Because honestly, birthdays should feel fun—not like an accounting exam. If your dream is a big sparkly dinner, live it up. But if peace, no bill-splitting drama, and a quiet night out sound like bliss, that counts as celebrating too.
Maybe it’s time for the anti—birthday dinner. Less stress, more actual joy.
Because the best birthday is the one that actually feels like yours.
Nothing say I'm a vegan like being an attention seeker
The OPs friends were selfish and thoughtless. She made it clear there were great vegan and non-vegan choices. When it's their birthdays, they each get to choose the venue.
It should always be made clear before anyone arrives at the restaurant that the meal is DUTCH TREAT and everyone is responsible for his/her entire bill including an acceptable tip. The server or servers should be informed BEFORE drinks or appetizers are ordered that it is a Dutch Treat meal with separate tickets. This leaves zero room for misunderstanding, bill dumping, or hurt feelings over what is or is not fair.
I really don't think anyone should have their meal paid for just because it's their birthday. People should pay for their own meals. As far as Vegan restaurants I was planning to go to this Vegan restaurant since its opening 3 years later it closed down no reason why it was somewhat popular but most people don't like when others push their Vegan diet down their throats. I prefer a choice between meats and non meats
These are your "friends"? Friendship isn't what it used to be! What a sad story. I hope by next year you can find REAL friends.
I stopped celebrating birthdays out a long time ago. Even my son didn't want parties. He rather I spend the money on fun stuff we can both do that day, instead of trying to impress snobs.
