One of our readers lives a quiet vegan lifestyle—never preaching, never pressuring, simply choosing what feels right for her. So when she planned a birthday dinner with dishes for everyone, she thought it would be a night of celebration. Instead, the group chat took an unexpected turn. Her response? Subtle, but powerful.
Why are you planning your own 30th birthday party? Did you give friends a chance to create a fun moment for you, or did you rush and try to plan your own thing? If you are hosting your own party, you pay. Friends bring bday gifts. The fact you had to have your own party says a lot. Either way friends aren’t great friends. And a 30 year old planning their own party is sad. You’re not 8 years old 🫤
“Hi Bright Side!
For my 30th birthday, I booked a small, casual restaurant — nothing fancy, just a spot with a mix of vegan and non-vegan options so everyone could enjoy themselves. I double-checked the menu to make sure no one would feel left out.
Then the group chat started. First came the jokes about ‘rabbit food.’ Then the question: ‘Do we all have to order vegan just because it’s your birthday?’ I reminded them they could eat whatever they wanted. But then someone said, ‘If you’re making us adjust for you, maybe you should cover the bill.’ And a couple of others agreed.
That was it. I canceled.
Instead, I booked myself a table at the fanciest steakhouse in town. Yes, a steakhouse. They also happened to have an incredible vegan tasting menu — something I’d always wanted to try but never had an excuse to splurge on.
Course after course arrived, plated like art, every bite better than the last. I sat there smiling, knowing that what was supposed to be a group dinner had turned into something better: a celebration just for me.
Best 30th I could’ve imagined.”
Did right. Complain about it? Uninvited.
And I would have paid for both our meals
You go girl 👏 I would have just came to your birthday and enjoyed sharing it with you
With friends like that you definitely don't need enemies. Rude AF! Even if it was an exclusively vegan restaurant they can't eat ONE MEAL of "rabbit food" to celebrate your birthday? F- them. I'm glad you enjoyed yourself😊
The problem seems to be that everything is so volatile. Somehow being vegan i is to far left, when it is really just a dietary choice.
The
If you chose a restaurant with choices for both vegan and non vegan then it should have been fine.
My besties and I have had the same birthday celebration from years. Because 3 of us have January birthdays (the 4th is in October), we schedule a blowout dinner in early January, when restaurant attendance is low after the holidays. While none of us is a vegetarian or vegan, one of us has celiac disease, one of us is lactose intolerant and another is allergic to tomatoes. However, we always pick a restaurant with ample choices for all of us. Whether one of us wants a dinner of fancy appetizers and another wants a steak, we all get what we want and split the check evenly. Over the 20 years of this tradition, I'm sure everything has evened out and we always have a wonderful time.
These people aren't your friends. I eat meat. I could also happily enjoy a vegan menu anytime. Because I'm not a jerk. Find new friends.
Sh isn't a friend either, all the meat eaters left so she went to a steakhouse where they could have gotten something
Right, and then ask her to foot the bill there too cuz it was a fancy steakhouse!? No way, I would have went and enjoyed it by myself as well! She deserved to celebrate her birthday and not deal with "friends" complaining
How is she not a friend when the first place she selected had choices for both vegan and non vegan diners?
Real friends don't need extremely expensive meals on YOUR birthday. Don't ya think? Or are you like OP's friends yourself and that's why you said that?
Just an angry meat eater looking for something negative to say
Friends support friends! I wonder how many times she went out to restaurants with them and had a side salad, rice, bread, French fries or something cuz the restaurant couldn't accommodate her vegan diet. I was once a vegetarian, eating side dishes just to celebrate a friends birthday at the restaurant of their choosing.
From managing a guest list that mixes friend groups, to juggling dietary needs, and finding a spot that feels fun but affordable, birthday dinners often turn into logistical marathons. And at the center of it all? The check.
Do you split it evenly? Should the birthday person pay? Or do guests cover their own meals—and the guest of honor’s too?
There’s no universal rule, and that’s where tension brews. Add in cocktails, wildly different orders, or a forgotten Venmo, and things can get awkward fast.
Here’s the truth: hosting a birthday dinner at a restaurant isn’t much different from throwing a party at home. The problem is that restaurants introduce unspoken expectations and messy money moments that can sour the celebration.
My bff is vegan and she invited us at some vegan restaurant and it was delicious, it just shows once again what ignorance and ignorant people look like
Let’s be real: there’s no official rulebook for birthday dinners. But here’s the truth—if you’re the one planning it, you’ve gotta be upfront. Tell your friends what they’re in for, money-wise, before the group chat explodes.
Treat yourself to a solo celebration (no Venmo requests required).
Because honestly, birthdays should feel fun—not like an accounting exam. If your dream is a big sparkly dinner, live it up. But if peace, no bill-splitting drama, and a quiet night out sound like bliss, that counts as celebrating too.
Maybe it’s time for the anti—birthday dinner. Less stress, more actual joy.
Because the best birthday is the one that actually feels like yours.
I kinda feel you should make new friends. Not nice things to say for a friends Bday. Happy you turned your Bday into a day for you.
Nothing say I'm a vegan like being an attention seeker
The OPs friends were selfish and thoughtless. She made it clear there were great vegan and non-vegan choices. When it's their birthdays, they each get to choose the venue.
It should always be made clear before anyone arrives at the restaurant that the meal is DUTCH TREAT and everyone is responsible for his/her entire bill including an acceptable tip. The server or servers should be informed BEFORE drinks or appetizers are ordered that it is a Dutch Treat meal with separate tickets. This leaves zero room for misunderstanding, bill dumping, or hurt feelings over what is or is not fair.
These are your "friends"? Friendship isn't what it used to be! What a sad story. I hope by next year you can find REAL friends.
I stopped celebrating birthdays out a long time ago. Even my son didn't want parties. He rather I spend the money on fun stuff we can both do that day, instead of trying to impress snobs.
