My Son Got Sick and I Still Went to Work—My Husband Got Mad and Made Things Worse

In marriage, every person has their role, especially when a child comes into the picture. Someone agrees to take more responsibility of the finances, taking care of the house and child, or splitting responsibilities evenly. Well, in this house, things got a bit messy.

I needed my husband to watch our son.

I (32F) work full-time in a demanding corporate role. My husband (35M) is a stay-at-home dad. Last week, our 5-year-old son came down with a nasty fever the night before I had a huge presentation that had been rescheduled twice already. It was the kind of thing that could impact my future at the company.

When I woke up, my son still had a fever and was whiny but alert, not lethargic or throwing up. My husband assumed I’d stay home and said, “So I guess you’re calling in today?” I told him I couldn’t, and that he is not working, so he could watch our son for the day.

He thinks plans with his friends are more important than a roof over our heads.

He got upset, saying he had plans with friends and didn’t want to cancel them. I offered to prep everything for our son, medicine, snacks, Netflix, comfort items, and then leave. He kept saying, “If the roles were reversed, you’d call me heartless.” I told him I trusted him to handle it and left for work.

Here’s where it got messy. Turns out, my husband called my MIL to come over without telling me. She showed up, furious, thinking I’d abandoned my son. Apparently, my husband told her, “She left him burning up with fever just to impress her boss.”

My MIL just made things messier.

While I was mid-presentation, I got a ton of missed calls and texts. I panicked, thinking something terrible happened. But it was my MIL, she was texting things like, “You are a horrible mom, you left your son in this condition and went to work.”

Now my MIL is upset with me and my husband still won’t look at me. He says I “showed my true colors.” He keeps repeating, “You put your ambition above your own child.”

I feel horrible, but I also feel like I was put in a no-win situation. I didn’t abandon my son, he was safe, at home, with his other parent. But now I’m being painted like a villain.

Your husband needs to sort out his priorities.

Thank you for opening up to us. First things first, your husband needs to understand that your job is what’s paying for everything. Your meeting was definitely more important than his outing with his friends. You need to tell him to reevaluate his priorities and understand that a big meeting will always trump a casual night with some buddies.

Tell your MIL the whole truth.

Your husband clearly miscommunicated the actual situation to your MIL. You should try to clear things up by telling her that your husband was supposed to care for your son until you came back from the meeting. Your MIL needs to understand that your hands were tied and that this meeting could’ve costed your family everything.

You’re not a bad mom.

Your husband may have some deeper resentments about the roles and is likely insecure about being a stay-at-home dad. That’s why he got defensive and spun the narrative as you putting your ambition over your child. In reality, you’re a working parent who made a reasonable choice. Society judges mothers harshly no matter what they do.

Now’s the time to be clear about what to do if this happens again, whether you’re bringing in a babysitter or a close family member to care for your son when both of you are busy. Just be sure you know who you hire. You don’t want to end up with stories like these parents who caught their babysitters being up to no good.