I Refuse to Babysit My Grandkids—I’m a Grandma, Not a Walking Daycare

When a grandmother’s love turns into unpaid labor, boundaries can get blurry. After constantly being called on to babysit her twin grandchildren, one grandma decided to take a stand. Find out how a simple Facebook post sparked a life-changing decision.

What was once a family favor turned into a full-time obligation

Dear Bright Side,

When my daughter-in-law welcomed twins into the world last year, I felt an overwhelming joy. Becoming a grandmother was such a dream for me. I imagined spoiling my grandbabies with love, hearing their giggles, and spending weekends basking in the joy of family. But I didn’t imagine this: endless nights spent rocking babies, handling dirty diapers, and stepping in as “the free babysitter” multiple times a week.

At first, I didn’t mind helping. I knew my son and daughter-in-law had their hands full. I went over a few times a week to babysit and help with housework. Sure, it was tiring, but it was out of love.

Before long, though, it felt more like I was running a daycare than visiting my grandkids. No one ever checked to see if I was available. I’d walk in, and my daughter-in-law would say, “Here’s one baby, and the other is on the changing table. Can you take care of that?”

But I’m not a nanny! I’ve already raised my children. I didn’t expect to take on this role in my 60s. Every time I tried to set a boundary, she’d tell me, “You’re their grandma. This is what grandmas do.”

But I don’t think that’s what being a grandma is supposed to be. It’s about love, joy, and support — not just unpaid labor. I’m not supposed to be expected to drop everything, clean up messes, and run a daycare. I tried talking to my son, but he was always too busy.

When I couldn’t take it anymore

When I said I wasn’t comfortable with diaper duty and bedtime every night, my daughter-in-law got defensive. She asked, “So you don’t want to help?” I do want to help, but I also want to enjoy my retirement and have a life outside of babysitting. I want respect, not to feel like a servant.

The turning point came when a friend from my club pulled me aside and asked if I was really babysitting “every day for free.” She pointed out something that hadn’t even occurred to me until I saw it for myself: a post on Facebook. My daughter-in-law had shared a photo of me holding the twins, both of them sleeping peacefully in my arms. But I had somehow dozed off with a diaper on my shoulder. And the caption? “Here is my built-in free babysitter. This is the woman who makes weekend outings with my gals possible. Love you,” followed by poop and heart emojis.

Built-in free babysitter? That’s how she saw me now. Not “wonderful grandma” or “amazing help.” Just free childcare. It wasn’t meant to hurt me, but it did. It made me feel invisible, like I was only valued for what I could give her.

I stood my ground for the first time

After seeing that post, I finally sat down with my daughter-in-law and told her things had to change. “I love you and the twins. But I’m your mother-in-law, not your employee. I’m a grandma, not a free nanny.”

She was shocked. She said she thought I loved spending time with the babies and had always been so helpful. And I do love them. But I want to help on my terms, not out of guilt or obligation. I told her I’d still visit, but it had to be on my own schedule. I wouldn’t be changing diapers or staying overnight unless we agreed on it beforehand. She didn’t take it well. She called me “selfish and mean.” But I stood firm.

In fact, I decided to take the money I’d saved for the family and use it for a vacation instead. Now, I’m enjoying my time away. I haven’t replied to her texts asking for help. I’m loving the peace and solitude. But I can’t help but wonder — does this make me a bad mother-in-law or a bad grandmother?

Warmly,
Gladys

Thanks for sharing with us. Here are some recommendations you may find helpful:

Set Clear Boundaries with Family — It’s important to communicate your limits kindly but firmly. Setting boundaries will help you maintain your sense of self and avoid burnout.

Prioritize Your Own Well-being First — You can’t pour from an empty cup. Make time for rest and activities that recharge you emotionally and physically.

Have Honest Conversations with Your Son — Share your feelings about the situation with him openly. He may not realize how much it’s affecting you.

Don’t Be Afraid to Say No — It’s okay to turn down requests when they’re too much. Respecting your time and energy is essential for maintaining a healthy relationship.

Focus on Quality Time, Not Quantity — Being there for your grandkids is wonderful, but don’t sacrifice your personal happiness. Ensure the time you spend with them is fulfilling and joyful.

Remember, the love of grandparents can shape generations in beautiful ways. If you’re looking for heartwarming stories of how grandparents make a lasting impact, check out these 12 unforgettable examples of love that shine through the years.