I Refuse to Be a Parent to My Stepdaughter—I’ve Had Enough

Being a parent is never easy, and it comes with stages as children grow older. It’s a challenge already, but to have a teen around can be the most dramatic part of parenting. During adolescence, teens experience a big shift, growth, and development that affects not only their being, but they might affect the people around them. Our Bright Side reader shared her sentiments about how she’s had enough of her teen stepdaughter.

It all started with a routine.

She shared her story, “I (42F) have been married to my husband for four years. He has a 15-year-old daughter from a previous marriage. I usually drive her to school in the mornings as her house is on the way to my work, and my husband picks her up in the afternoons. That’s been our routine for about a year now.

But lately, my stepdaughter has been acting like a classic spoiled teen. She treats both me and her dad like garbage, like we’re just there to serve her, not like actual people.

She says things like, ‘I’ll go ahead at the mall, so people don’t think we come together,’ or ‘Don’t leave me right out front at school,’ and ‘Don’t kiss me when you pick me up, my friends are watching.’ Once, she even told my husband to drop her off a block away from a party because ‘it’s embarrassing to be seen with parents.’

I was understanding because she’s in her puberty, and I remember doing stuff like that as well when I was a teen. However, she rolls her eyes at everything, never says thank you, and makes us feel like our presence is just a burden. She also spends her allowance like there’s no tomorrow. I’m her stepmother, but she doesn’t treat me like one. She looks at me as if she’s above me.”

She’s been patient, but she finally hit her limit.

She continued, “On Fridays, she has a late start at school. A while back, she told me I needed to start picking her up at 8:30 sharp, like I’m some on-demand driver. I told her I’d do my best, but I have a job and a schedule too.

This last Friday, I got to her house to pick her up for school at 8:15, and texted her to let her know I was already outside. I realized I was early and figured I could wait a couple of minutes for her, but my blood boiled the moment I read her text saying, ‘I’ll be down at 8:30. That’s the time I said.’ No acknowledgment that I was early, no hint of a kindly ask to wait for her, just a demand.

I took a deep breath to calm my nerves and waited for 8:30 to strike the clock, but when it did, no sign of her. So I texted her again, but her response displeased me. She said, ‘Why are you so impatient? It’s your fault for being here so early.’

That was it for me. I realized I was being walked all over, and I decided to stop enabling that behavior. So I left.”

But what she did put her in a bad light.

She added, “Later, my husband called, furious because she had called him crying, saying I had left her and made her late. Then his ex called, accusing me of being cruel and selfish. With little time to process their consecutive calls, I was taken aback by their reaction.

When I explained my side, my husband said I had no right to decide how to discipline his daughter or ‘teach her a lesson.’ That’s when I told him, ‘If I don’t have any parental rights, then I’m not accepting parental duties either. I’m not her driver, her maid, or her emotional punching bag.’

Now things are tense at home, and everyone’s acting like I overreacted and was wrong for what I did. But I honestly think I just stood up for myself and stopped letting a teenager treat me like her assistant. I’ve had enough of dealing with her spoiled behavior.

But if I am to ask, was I wrong for doing that?”

Thank you for sharing your story. Here’s some advice you might want to consider.

Understandably, you’re feeling overwhelmed and hurt in this situation. Exploring stepparent dynamics, especially with teenagers, can be incredibly challenging, even when everyone has the best intentions. It seems like you’ve been making a genuine effort to support your stepdaughter and keep the household running smoothly, but have been left feeling unappreciated and disrespected.

Your decision to leave instead of continuing to wait may not have been about punishment, but about setting a boundary after repeated instances of feeling taken for granted. Still, it’s also natural that your stepdaughter and her parents might see it differently, especially in the heat of the moment.

It could help to have an open and calm conversation with your husband where you both talk about roles, expectations, and support, without placing blame. Express how this situation has made you feel, and invite him to help find a solution that respects everyone’s needs.

If tensions remain high, a family therapist might offer a safe, neutral space to work through these issues together. You’re not alone in feeling stuck; many stepparents struggle with similar challenges, and asking for balance and respect is a valid and important step.

In another story, an overbearing son-in-law disrespected her late husband’s memory, causing a woman to set a boundary she never expected she’d have to do. Find out the rest of the story through this link.