Personal style is just that, personal. Everyone has their own idea of what’s fashionable and what’s not. Forcing your fashion choice on someone else is essentially saying, “I want to change you.” Just like in Helen’s case. Her love of black has left her husband feeling unattracted to her.
Dear Bright Side,
I always wear black. It’s my happy color. After over 15 years of marriage, he decided to demand that I dress like “other women” or in more “girly” colors. I ignored him, until he got distant. One night, I walked in and I saw him holding his phone, he was whispering into his phone, “Yes, these clothes are lovely, thank you Janice (his sister).”
On the bed were clothes I’d never seen before. He had been secretly asking her for help choosing outfits he thought would “fix” me. I told him I’m not wearing any of that, and he burst out saying, “Your style is too depressing!” So, I left the house and told my mom. She told me, “You know, he’s got a point. Maybe you should experiment with colors.”
It didn’t end there. I also got a call from my sister, my MIL, my SIL, everyone. They were telling me the same thing. I felt so ganged up on and pressured into being someone I’m not. How should I deal with this situation?
I get you like black and there is nothing wrong with that. But there is also nothing wrong with your husband asking you to wear something else. It's such a small thing that would make him happy. What's the harm? Is this worth losing a marriage over. My husband loves when I don't wear makeup. I didn't like it but them he said who are you trying to impress and I said him. So now I don't wear makeup unless I'm getting all dressed up. Marriage is a give and take.
Most people don't choose black as their 'happy' color unless they are going through a fairly teenage goth phase, I think you have got them worried that you are depressed, they are trying to nudge you in as gentle a way as they can find to lose some of the shadows. Try at least a bit of color in your wardrobe, it will relieve them to no end, and you never know, you may find you have 2 favorite colors in you.
Gurl. He is your husband. It won't hurt to add a bit of color. Try a scarf full of colors. But try. 😇😀
You don't have to change who you are, but you could make an effort to see if it helps your relationship. It's obviously an issue or he would not have brought it up. There's nothing wrong with expanding your wardrobe, way of cooking, WHATEVER if you want to please your spouse, without losing yourself. I don't mean to stop being who you are, but if you asked him to change something that he always does to please you, wouldn't you expect him to at least try? It doesn't always make a difference but maybe you could try in private at home. I don't think that he should have involved anyone else though. If you have an otherwise good relationship it won't hurt to try something new. Good luck.
Tell your husband to wear the "girly" himself. You go on with what makes you happy.
Thank you for sharing your story with us. Your husband trying to control what you wear is understandably frustrating to deal with. If you’ve been married for 15 years, there’s no reason he should talk about your fashion taste now. There’s likely something else that could be bothering him.
As for your family, they should’ve had your back. How you dress is always up to you. Leaving the situation for a bit could help, so you could get a breather. Maybe stay over at a close friend’s house until you try to piece exactly what you want to say back. But, either way, stand your ground. Don’t change for anyone. If black is your happy color, you can wear it however times you like.
While some partners like Helens’ pressure you to stay “pretty” in their eyes, others feel like you’re trying too hard. That’s the story of this woman, whose husband thinks that if she’s taking too much care of herself, that means she’s selfish.
