Sometimes, the dynamics between a mother and a stepmother can be complicated, especially when it involves making decisions about the child. Alice, a Bright Side reader, found herself in a delicate situation when her husband’s ex asked her to host their daughter’s sleepover. Alice believes that this should not be her responsibility and therefore refused. She wrote to us for advice.
Whoever's weekend it is they should host no question about it..... And the requested the husband made about sharing the house with his ex-wife for the weekend is an absurd question it's a no-go or rent a hotel room that way they have things to do... But whoever does it should plan for the weekend and it should be an early Sunday pickup like noon
Yes, if that's your child would you host it? Of course I think yes. No offense but you married a man with a child, I don't know your story but he got the child before you, so you have to accept him whole heartedly including her daughter since you married him and it's the child's birthday shouldn't you at least give that to her as a present.
Not convinced by "my house is too small", sounds like an excuse, the kids needn't take up that much space. And does it have to be all weekend? If you have time for your parents, you should make some time for your stepdaughter - but you should all work it out together.
Yes you are now a mom. You should treat any "stepchild(ren) as if they were yours. I have 3 bonus kids I have raised and loved for over 40 + years. You don't get the parent without the kids.
Yes. When you marry a man with kids you become a mom. If you’re not willing to do the job of a mom you shouldn’t marry a man with kids. Your daughter, yes she is now also your daughter, should get to have her sleepover at the home she would enjoy most on her birthday. She only gets one childhood don’t be selfish and create bad memories and conflict.
You are 100% correct. They are a family now. Sounds like she wants to pick and choose what's convenient for her.
Thank you for sharing your story with us, Alice! Here are some tips that we hope can be useful.
Instead of hosting the sleepover for the entire weekend, suggest a compromise where the sleepover is limited to one night only. This way, your stepdaughter can still have her party, but it won’t be as overwhelming for you.
For example, you could propose having the sleepover from Saturday evening to Sunday morning, which allows you to still have part of your weekend to rest and recuperate.
Since your husband is keen on hosting the sleepover, propose that he take on the primary responsibility for the event. This can include planning activities, preparing meals, and managing the kids throughout the night.
Emphasize that this arrangement allows you to support your stepdaughter’s desire without bearing the full burden yourself. Additionally, this can be a way for your husband to actively participate in his daughter's birthday celebration.
Suggest alternative ways to celebrate that don’t involve a sleepover. For instance, you could propose a fun day trip or a special outing on Saturday where your stepdaughter and her friends can enjoy various activities, and then have a shorter gathering at your home afterward.
This approach minimizes the disruption to your weekend while still giving your stepdaughter a memorable celebration.
If the sleepover must happen, consider hiring help for the weekend. This could involve hiring a babysitter or asking a family member to assist with supervising and entertaining the kids.
Explain to your husband that while you are willing to accommodate the sleepover, having extra help will ensure it runs smoothly and allows you to manage your work-related fatigue. This solution balances your need for rest with your stepdaughter’s desire for a birthday sleepover.
Rebecca is another stepmom facing a disagreement with her husband's ex. When the ex asked her to prepare separate vegan dishes for her daughter every day, Rebecca refused, leading to increased tension. She wrote to us asking for advice.
