I Refuse to Sacrifice My Dream Vacation to Pay for My Stepdaughter’s College Tuition

3 months ago

Imagine you’ve been saving for years and carefully planning your dream trip overseas, only to find out that you are expected to contribute your savings for the sake of family peace. That’s exactly how our reader Julia felt when she reached out to Bright Side. She isn’t sure if she should stand up for herself or agree to give up her dream to avoid conflict and drama.

stephen ward

3 months ago

Why aren't you going on your dream trip to Europe with your husband???

Athena Marie Lattimore

3 months ago

Did you really come here say your husband paid for your sons college but you shouldn't be expected to help his daughter? Do you really think people were going to say anything other than you are a horrible human? Are you delusional? I'm confused why you didn't pay for your sons college tuition though? You would rather take a vacation and let someone else foot the bill for your kid? If your kind generous way to good for you husband hadn't paid for your kids tuition he would have the money for his daughters tuition! While all the time you think your money should be spent on you Not your children not your husband! So his money is your money and your money is your money? Yuck definitely an AH

Jenelle620

3 months ago

Also why are these kids going to college just assuming that it's going to be paid for. Get scholarships if possible, get loans, get a part time job like most people do if you wanna go that badly.

Myriam O'Day

3 months ago

NTA. You have taken care of your step daughter in other ways. Such as cooking for, cleaning up after her, driving her places, simply being there for her as her mom. If your husband knew that your savings was designated for your trip, he doesn't have the right to ask you for it. But if you feel conflicted, you may consider purchasing her books. Go on your trip as planned.

Thank you, Julia, for sharing your story with us. We understand that you feel torn and don’t want to give up your dream vacation while also keeping peace in the family. We hope our advice will help you navigate this complicated situation.

Talk openly to your husband.

Have an honest and calm conversation with your husband about your feelings and financial priorities. Explain why the trip is important to you, and express your appreciation for his past contributions. Try to understand his perspective and work together to find a middle ground that respects both of your wishes.

Discuss financial boundaries.

It’s important to set clear financial boundaries in a blended family. Review any past agreements about paying for each other’s children. This can help clarify expectations and prevent future conflicts.

Consider partial contributions.

Jenelle620

3 months ago

You dont owe anyone college tuition. Child or stepchild. Just because your husband made a choice to pay for your son does not mean you have to pay for his daughter just because he assumed you would. If this was not something that you agreed to do and he specifically knew you were saving for this dream and still expected you to pay. That's his problem. You are not responsible for other people's expectations.

Annette Watson

3 months ago

Hey Mom your son has probly bennifitted from your husband paying for his educatoin. Don't know why things have changed and why this trip needs to be now. Maybe your son can take you on dream vacation in the near future just a thought. None the less feels kinda sexist that you did not prioritise step daughters education in your new family dynamic.

Stersil

3 months ago

Annette Watson

Stepdaughter has a living very verbal mother. What us her contribution besides telling someone else what to do with her money. Get a job Mom or maybe a second one. Why has not dtr not planned to contribute? I got scholarships and worked part time. No one owes you college or university.

Rylin

3 months ago

Annette Watson

She doesn't need to give up her dream when there was only an assumption that she would pay for the step daughters schooling. Not one person spoke to her about paying for her schooling and it's not sexist her her to expect her step child's parents to pay for their child's schooling as it was her sons. Sounds like the husband made a show of paying for his step sons schooling to look good and then expected her to sacrifice her dream for his kid who, frankly is acting like a bratty child. Her husband is being manipulative here

If possible, think about contributing a smaller amount towards your stepdaughter’s tuition. This gesture shows goodwill and can help ease tensions while still allowing you to save for your dream trip. Talk to your husband about this option to see if it’s a workable compromise.

Plan for both goals.

Explore ways to achieve both goals without giving up one for the other. Look into financial aid options, scholarships, or part-time work for your stepdaughter to help pay for her education. At the same time, reassess your savings plan to see if you can adjust it to cover both your trip and a partial contribution.

Consider a family meeting.

Arrange a family meeting that includes your stepdaughter. This will give her an opportunity to express her thoughts and feelings about her education and your trip. Understanding her perspective might help in finding a solution that respects everyone’s priorities and strengthens family bonds.

Julia’s stepdaughter’s mother had a lot to say about her decision. Navigating relationships in a blended family can be challenging. Recently, another reader shared her story about how a decision not to invite her ex’s new partner to a family event took an unexpected turn.

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Brenda White

3 months ago

I believe you're in the wrong but, the others are being unduly harsh. You really can do both. You just have to adjust your plans to allow more time to save and perhaps scale back your budget. I'm 66 y/o and just went on a solo trip to Italy. I planned for 5 years and scrutinized every expense. There's so many resources available to help you do this. You shouldn't have been blindsided by the expectation of your contribution. Communication is so important in life. Step up and pay back the debt of your sons educational costs provided by his stepdad.