I Refuse to Sacrifice My Dream Vacation to Pay for My Stepdaughter’s College Tuition

Family & kids
month ago

Imagine you’ve been saving for years and carefully planning your dream trip overseas, only to find out that you are expected to contribute your savings for the sake of family peace. That’s exactly how our reader Julia felt when she reached out to Bright Side. She isn’t sure if she should stand up for herself or agree to give up her dream to avoid conflict and drama.

Glenda Smith
month ago

Not enough info here. Does your husband make a lot more money than you do? Did you ask or expect him to pay for your son's tuition? Is he expecting you to contribute because he wants to spoil your trip? If he makes a lot more and it wasn't a big sacrafice for him to pay for your son's tuition, but you make much less making your trip a really big deal than he might be the AH, otherwise, it could be you

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Shaun Miller
month ago

I find the terms his daughter and your son a problem. You are married so the kids and the money belong to both of you. A lot of comments mention you should have discussed this earlier and while true, it is a bit late.
I am not so sure he was generous to pay for "your" son but rather felt that way his son as well and you are showing you value what is yours more.
Money is something couples fight about a lot but if I were in his shoes, I would doubt your commitment to being a family and sharing equally.

It is your relationship but if you would rather do something for yourself now, I would be considering counseling or a lawyer thinking maybe I did not know you as well as I thought

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Cindy Kato
month ago

Did you ask him to pay your son's tuition or did he just do it on his own? If he did it on his own then it should have been without expecting anything from you in return. If you asked him to then you should contribute to his daughter's. I don't think this is the full story.

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Sara Weitzel
month ago

You are TA and you do not "deeply appreciate " anything. You are a horrible selfish person and honestly after what her did for YOUR SON if you can't find it in your heart to do the same for HIS DAUGHTER, he deserves better and should get rid of you asap.

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cathy hurd
month ago

Did you expect your husband to pay your son's tuition? If not then that was his choice.

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Craig Van Kirk
month ago

Part of being a parent is sacrificing for your children.
When you marry a person with children you are agreeing to be a parent.
Your husband sacrificed for the children as he should have.You are being selfish. Obviously your husband is a better person than you.

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Nicole Obryan
month ago

You are kinda selfish because part of the reason you were able to save was because your husband paid your sons tuition

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Kimberly Boateng
month ago

Your husband did you and your son a solid and you won’t return the favor for his daughter? You’re a selfish, nasty piece of work.

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diane Kelson
month ago

If you don't contribute to your stepdaughter's tuition, there's no way that you're coming out of this looking good. Did your husband not know about the European trip? Some information is missing. Did he suddenly tell you to use your trip money, or did he just find out?

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month ago
This comment came alive and ran away.
Rylin
month ago
Karen Herrick

No, she doesn't. Unless there was a discussion about her paying for the step daughter and not an assumption. Then hubby and his ex can pound sand. OP NTA.

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month ago
The comment was deleted. Go home guys.
Jaime Spiers
month ago

He paid for you sons college yet you don't want to help with his daughters college. And this is the man you love? You claim to love your extended family deeply? I question that.

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month ago
This comment is too shy. It's hiding.
Athena Marie Lattimore
month ago

Did you really come here say your husband paid for your sons college but you shouldn't be expected to help his daughter? Do you really think people were going to say anything other than you are a horrible human? Are you delusional? I'm confused why you didn't pay for your sons college tuition though? You would rather take a vacation and let someone else foot the bill for your kid? If your kind generous way to good for you husband hadn't paid for your kids tuition he would have the money for his daughters tuition! While all the time you think your money should be spent on you Not your children not your husband! So his money is your money and your money is your money? Yuck definitely an AH

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Jenelle620
month ago

Also why are these kids going to college just assuming that it's going to be paid for. Get scholarships if possible, get loans, get a part time job like most people do if you wanna go that badly.

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Myriam O'Day
month ago

NTA. You have taken care of your step daughter in other ways. Such as cooking for, cleaning up after her, driving her places, simply being there for her as her mom. If your husband knew that your savings was designated for your trip, he doesn't have the right to ask you for it. But if you feel conflicted, you may consider purchasing her books. Go on your trip as planned.

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Thank you, Julia, for sharing your story with us. We understand that you feel torn and don’t want to give up your dream vacation while also keeping peace in the family. We hope our advice will help you navigate this complicated situation.

Talk openly to your husband.

Have an honest and calm conversation with your husband about your feelings and financial priorities. Explain why the trip is important to you, and express your appreciation for his past contributions. Try to understand his perspective and work together to find a middle ground that respects both of your wishes.

Discuss financial boundaries.

It’s important to set clear financial boundaries in a blended family. Review any past agreements about paying for each other’s children. This can help clarify expectations and prevent future conflicts.

Consider partial contributions.

Jenelle620
month ago

You dont owe anyone college tuition. Child or stepchild. Just because your husband made a choice to pay for your son does not mean you have to pay for his daughter just because he assumed you would. If this was not something that you agreed to do and he specifically knew you were saving for this dream and still expected you to pay. That's his problem. You are not responsible for other people's expectations.

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If possible, think about contributing a smaller amount towards your stepdaughter’s tuition. This gesture shows goodwill and can help ease tensions while still allowing you to save for your dream trip. Talk to your husband about this option to see if it’s a workable compromise.

Plan for both goals.

Explore ways to achieve both goals without giving up one for the other. Look into financial aid options, scholarships, or part-time work for your stepdaughter to help pay for her education. At the same time, reassess your savings plan to see if you can adjust it to cover both your trip and a partial contribution.

Consider a family meeting.

Arrange a family meeting that includes your stepdaughter. This will give her an opportunity to express her thoughts and feelings about her education and your trip. Understanding her perspective might help in finding a solution that respects everyone’s priorities and strengthens family bonds.

Julia’s stepdaughter’s mother had a lot to say about her decision. Navigating relationships in a blended family can be challenging. Recently, another reader shared her story about how a decision not to invite her ex’s new partner to a family event took an unexpected turn.

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Brenda White
month ago

I believe you're in the wrong but, the others are being unduly harsh. You really can do both. You just have to adjust your plans to allow more time to save and perhaps scale back your budget. I'm 66 y/o and just went on a solo trip to Italy. I planned for 5 years and scrutinized every expense. There's so many resources available to help you do this. You shouldn't have been blindsided by the expectation of your contribution. Communication is so important in life. Step up and pay back the debt of your sons educational costs provided by his stepdad.

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