I Refused to Babysit My Grandson for Free

At Bright Side, we often hear from readers who are dealing with tough family situations. One of our readers, Amanda, recently wrote to us to share her story. She explained why she made the difficult decision to say no when her daughter-in-law asked her to babysit her grandson every day—for free. Amanda’s story has sparked a lot of conversation about family roles, boundaries, and what it really means to help. Here’s what she had to say.

Amanda’s letter:

Hi Bright Side,

My DIL asked me to babysit my grandson every day because she’ll be spending extra time at work. I said, “I’m not a free daycare.” She left without saying a word.

The next day, I got a frantic call from my grandson in tears. I froze. To my utter shock, his mom had dropped him off at a daycare, gave them my number, and left. She told them to call me if he cried or needed anything.

He was so overwhelmed and lost in that place that he just kept crying. I couldn’t bear to hear him like that, so I went and picked him up.

Clearly, my daughter-in-law wanted to teach me a lesson—and it worked, this time. But I still won’t let myself be guilt-tripped into staying home all day, every day, just so she can earn more money and push her career forward.

Does that make me a heartless grandma?

Sincerely,
Amanda

Hi Amanda! Thank you for sharing your story with us. We’ve prepared some guidance to support you as you work through this delicate situation.

Have a calm, direct conversation with your daughter-in-law.

Instead of letting tension build, ask your daughter-in-law to sit down for a private, respectful talk. Share how upsetting it was to receive that distressing call and explain that while you love your grandson, being cornered into caregiving isn’t fair.

Let her speak too—she may be feeling overwhelmed, even if her actions were wrong. A conversation like this can prevent emotional manipulation and keep your grandson from getting caught in the middle.

Offer a compromise schedule that works for you.

Rather than saying no outright, propose a schedule that allows you to help without sacrificing your freedom. Maybe you babysit twice a week or do school pickups—on your terms.

This protects your time while still giving your grandson some consistency and comfort. It also signals that you care, just not in a way that burns you out.

Loop your son into the discussion—privately.

Have a one-on-one with your son to share how things unfolded, especially how distressed your grandson was. He may not realize the emotional toll this situation took on you—or on his child. This gives him a chance to mediate or support a more respectful arrangement going forward.

Sometimes men underestimate how intense or emotional childcare negotiations can become, and your perspective might open his eyes. He might also help set clearer expectations between you and your daughter-in-law, which she might receive more calmly if coming from him.

Draw a clear line between love and obligation.

Remind both yourself and your family that loving your grandson deeply doesn’t mean sacrificing your time and boundaries. You’re not heartless—you’re protecting your own well-being while still wanting the best for him.

Framing it that way can help them understand that support is different from servitude. And your grandson needs a happy, willing grandma—not a resentful one.

Another Bright Side reader wrote to us after refusing to take her pregnant daughter-in-law to the hospital — here’s why.