Dear Bright Side,
I recently inherited a good amount from my father and bought a new house with that money. When we moved in, I gave my son (16) the bigger bedroom because he’s a teen and needs more space. When my stepdaughter (13) found out, she threw a fit.
She demanded that they swap rooms, my son refused, and eventually we were called to sort out the mess. I tried to explain to her that as my son is nearing adulthood he needed more space, but she turned around and said, “That’s not fair, I picked first!”
I was astonished by her entitlement, as we didn’t raise her that way. So I stood firm and said no, they would not be swapping rooms under any circumstances. My husband agreed with me and even said that he was going to speak to her to sort this mess out.
I stayed behind for a little while to talk to my son and make sure he was okay. The two of them had never fought like that before. In fact, he had tried his best to be a good brother. So I wanted to make sure that this outburst wouldn’t affect their relationship.
But as I walked out, I overheard my husband whispering to his daughter. He said, “She doesn’t know how unfair she’s being. But don’t worry, I’ll fix it. I’ll buy you that laptop you’ve been asking for.” After that, everything returned to normal.
My stepdaughter moved into her room and loved it. And she did get that laptop she wanted. The thing is, I don’t really know how I feel about my husband going behind my back and bribing her to keep the peace. Or about the fact that he claims I was being unreasonable, but that he won’t say it to me.
So Bright Side, was I being unreasonable? Or is my husband wrong in this case?
Regards,
Sarah D.
Thanks for reaching out to us, Sarah. We understand how difficult this situation must be so we’ve put together a few tips that might be helpful.
Husband was waaay off. Now the girl will only go to daddy for stuff. United front for parental units. That lap top could have just been a nice consolation prize. I KNOW husband wouldn’t want you plotting with your kid behind his back for any reason. The Golden Rule applies here.
Hey you picked your favorite and he picked his live with it you can't just spoil one kid
That's so inaccurate she didn't pick a favorite she used common sense i am male my older sister got the bigger room until she went to college im pretty sure that's standard
It is standard
How is spoiling? Oldest gets biggest?
Yes, older kids have more activities; they get the bigger room.
It's better to confront him about what you've heard. Things like this will only get worse if everyone keeps their feelings to themselves.
Stop being a doormat!! I'd kick them BOTH OUT! File for divorce he will always do this! Besides in MY house the oldest gets the big room!! No arguments!
No you weren't being unreasonable but your husband is setting his daughter up to be an entitled brat and she will turn into an entitled bratty adult. Ask him why he thinks you're wrong??
The laptop gesture might seem harmless, but it sets a precedent where your stepdaughter learns that making a fuss could earn her rewards, and where you end up as the “strict parent” while your husband plays the “rescuer.” Tell him directly that while you value him supporting the kids, going behind your back undermines your authority and risks creating favoritism or resentment between siblings. Suggest that all solutions, especially ones involving expensive gifts, should be discussed as a team.
Your stepdaughter’s “I picked first” argument shows she’s looking at fairness differently than you are. Sit both kids down and explain your reasoning clearly: your son’s room choice wasn’t about favorites, it was about practical needs (age, space, studying, independence). Then balance it out by letting your stepdaughter have some say in decorating her room or choosing new furniture, something that makes it hers and shows she’s not being left out.
You’re a doormat. Kick him and his daughter out. He is using you? Get a life
You were right to check in with your son after the fight, but make sure your stepdaughter gets the same reassurance. At 13, she may not verbalize it, but her meltdown likely came from feeling “second place” in a house that was bought with your inheritance, not something that connects to her directly. Small, intentional bonding gestures will remind her that she’s still part of the family, not competing against your son for space or approval.
Sarah is facing a tough situation, but it is still salvageable. With the right approach, it can still be worked out. But she isn’t the only one who is facing troubles with a stepchild.
Another one of our readers reached out to ask for advice about their stepchild. Read the full story here: I Refuse to Let My Stepdaughter Live With Us—My Daughter’s Comfort Comes First.
I take more of that inheritance money and go by my son a computer.
If I were you I'd also be thinking about a will that the house goes to your son! I can see them bamboozling your son if you died!!
