I Said No to My Stepdaughter’s Demands—Suddenly, I Was the Family Villain

When we get married, we often hope to expand our families, even when there are kids from previous relationships. But things aren’t always as simple as they seem. One of our readers reached out to us to share a recent experience she had with her stepdaughter.

This is Sarah’s story.

Dear Bright Side,

I recently inherited a good amount from my father and bought a new house with that money. When we moved in, I gave my son (16) the bigger bedroom because he’s a teen and needs more space. When my stepdaughter (13) found out, she threw a fit.

She demanded that they swap rooms, my son refused, and eventually we were called to sort out the mess. I tried to explain to her that as my son is nearing adulthood he needed more space, but she turned around and said, “That’s not fair, I picked first!”

I was astonished by her entitlement, as we didn’t raise her that way. So I stood firm and said no, they would not be swapping rooms under any circumstances. My husband agreed with me and even said that he was going to speak to her to sort this mess out.

I stayed behind for a little while to talk to my son and make sure he was okay. The two of them had never fought like that before. In fact, he had tried his best to be a good brother. So I wanted to make sure that this outburst wouldn’t affect their relationship.

But as I walked out, I overheard my husband whispering to his daughter. He said, “She doesn’t know how unfair she’s being. But don’t worry, I’ll fix it. I’ll buy you that laptop you’ve been asking for.” After that, everything returned to normal.

My stepdaughter moved into her room and loved it. And she did get that laptop she wanted. The thing is, I don’t really know how I feel about my husband going behind my back and bribing her to keep the peace. Or about the fact that he claims I was being unreasonable, but that he won’t say it to me.

So Bright Side, was I being unreasonable? Or is my husband wrong in this case?

Regards,
Sarah D.

Thanks for reaching out to us, Sarah. We understand how difficult this situation must be so we’ve put together a few tips that might be helpful.

Be open with your husband about the “side deals.”

The laptop gesture might seem harmless, but it sets a precedent where your stepdaughter learns that making a fuss could earn her rewards, and where you end up as the “strict parent” while your husband plays the “rescuer.” Tell him directly that while you value him supporting the kids, going behind your back undermines your authority and risks creating favoritism or resentment between siblings. Suggest that all solutions, especially ones involving expensive gifts, should be discussed as a team.

Reframe fairness in a way that both kids can understand.

Your stepdaughter’s “I picked first” argument shows she’s looking at fairness differently than you are. Sit both kids down and explain your reasoning clearly: your son’s room choice wasn’t about favorites, it was about practical needs (age, space, studying, independence). Then balance it out by letting your stepdaughter have some say in decorating her room or choosing new furniture, something that makes it hers and shows she’s not being left out.

Focus on long-term sibling harmony, not just this conflict.

You were right to check in with your son after the fight, but make sure your stepdaughter gets the same reassurance. At 13, she may not verbalize it, but her meltdown likely came from feeling “second place” in a house that was bought with your inheritance, not something that connects to her directly. Small, intentional bonding gestures will remind her that she’s still part of the family, not competing against your son for space or approval.

Sarah is facing a tough situation, but it is still salvageable. With the right approach, it can still be worked out. But she isn’t the only one who is facing troubles with a stepchild.

Another one of our readers reached out to ask for advice about their stepchild. Read the full story here: I Refuse to Let My Stepdaughter Live With Us—My Daughter’s Comfort Comes First.