I Suggested That My Friend Needed to Shave If She Wanted a Boyfriend, but Now She Thinks I’m a Horrible Friend

Many women today choose to embrace their natural body beauty. Despite the persistent perception that this choice is unfeminine, these confident women find empowerment in accepting and celebrating a facet of their bodies that others may feel uncomfortable with. But in today’s story, body hair was the reason why two friends fought.

How things started.

My friend is an amazing person — she’s fun, adventurous, intelligent, super active, a fantastic cook, outgoing, and just a great girl to be around. A few years ago, she decided not to shave anymore (legs, armpits, female areas), resulting in her having very long dark hair everywhere.

A few days ago, she told me how sad her dating life was, that she kept meeting guys and having very fun dates but never got a callback, or when she tried asking for a second or third date, she got rejected in a very generic manner. Now, after telling her, “You’re so gorgeous and wonderful, the right man will come, don’t worry” multiple times, I decided to go out on a limb and said something along the lines of “I know this is a very superficial thing to say, but do you think it might help a little if you would shave?”

She was very taken aback and told me she was disappointed that I would suggest she change her appearance for men and that I was the reason so many women were suppressed. I immediately apologized, but the evening was pretty much ruined. I texted her the next day, apologizing again for hurting her, but she hasn’t replied.

I really did not want to hurt her, but I also don’t quite see how my comment was that bad, so I am not sure how to phrase my apology. So decided to ask people if I was right or not.

People got mixed feelings about the situation.

• “She has the right not to shave, and the men she dates have the right not to like it. People are attracted to what they are attracted to. That’s just reality.” newfriend836639 / Reddit
• “As someone who doesn’t shave my legs, men normally don’t care, and if they do, they are not the kind of person I’d want to date in the first place. I think it’s a little insulting to assume that her not shaving is the major issue causing her dating problems. Especially when it sounds like she just wanted some sympathy.” g1rlofyourn1ghtmares / Reddit
• “I think you’re probably right that some of the guys she has gone out with are put off by her body hair. However, she likely doesn’t want the kind of guy who would see body hair as a dealbreaker.
  She also didn’t ask for your advice. It sounds like she was just venting. Let your friends vent, and just listen. You don’t have to offer advice. You can just offer support.” h***k / Reddit
• “You just suggested the reason she may be having problems with dating. You are also probably correct. Of course, she is free to do whatever she wants with her body, and they may not meet others’ preferences, which means they may not want to date her. This may mean they will miss out on a great person for superficial reasons, but that is a choice they are free to make.” Tyberious_ / Reddit

Certainly, giving advice is an art that walks a delicate tightrope between providing assistance and potentially offending. It’s important to navigate this fine line with sensitivity and consideration.