I Was Against My Wife Getting Plastic Surgery — the Reason She Got It Broke My Heart

One honest conversation can make or break a relationship, especially when the subject is attraction and your spouse has just undergone a great physical change. One man admitted to his wife that he found her unattractive due to her new facelift, and now he’s dealing with the repercussions of his honesty.

A man shared his story on Reddit.

My wife had plastic surgery recently. We had discussed it and I was against it. It was not my decision, and ultimately I had no say.

She looks weird now. She had liposuction, lip fillers, a neck lift, other stuff I don't really get.

She gives me uncanny valley vibes now. It freaks me out. She is fully healed now, and she wants us to go back to normal. I have tried, but it’s hard.

The investigation begins.

It's been a few months and I kind of dread having to look at her. Obviously she has noticed. She has been bugging me to tell her what's up. I've tried telling her I'm just tired from work. Or that I'm run down. Really anything except for the truth.

She broke down and asked me if I was having an affair. I said that I wasn't. She asked to look at my phone. I unlocked it for her and handed it over. I wasn't worried about her finding anything because there is nothing to find. She spent an hour looking through it and found nothing.

She asked me to explain why I changed. I tried explaining that I just wasn't that interested right now.

The truth causes an explosion.

Nothing I said was good enough for her. She kept digging. I finally told the truth. I wasn’t harsh or brutally honest. I just told her that her new face wasn’t something I found attractive and that I was turned off. She asked if that’s why I turn off all the lights now. I said yes.

She started crying and said that she needed time alone. She went to stay with her sister. I have been called every name in the book since this happened. Her sister is making me out to be the bad guy for insulting my wife’s looks. Her friends all think I’m the worst.

I tried not to say anything. I can’t force myself to find her attractive. I still love her, but her face is just weird now. She looks like the blue alien from The Fifth Element.

In an update, the reason behind her surgery was revealed.

My wife came home yesterday and we finally had a long talk. She told me that the reason she had the surgery was because her mom and sister talked her into it. They convinced her that she was starting to look old and that I would find someone else to be with if she did not do something. That was why her mom gave her the money for the operations.

I told her that I loved her and that she was the person that I wanted to spend my life with. I told her that the surgery would take a while longer to settle down and that as I got more used to her new face I would learn to appreciate it.

She asked me if I wanted her to see if she could get it reversed. I almost screamed at her. The last thing in the world I want is for her to mess up her face more than it already is. I asked her if she could please just leave it and let me get used to it.

The sad but, necessary, resolution.

We talked for about three hours, and we decided that her mom and sister would not be a part of any decisions in our life going forward. She is going to leave her face alone and give me a chance to get used to it. We are going to look for a marriage counselor and maybe individual counselors for each of us.

I am going to make an effort to show her every day how I still find her desirable, and she is going to make an effort to believe me when I tell her I love her the way she is. We are going to talk to her mom and sister and tell them that we are taking a break from them. We are going to block them and get ourselves together before we allow them back into our lives.

How to go about having an honest conversation with your spouse about their appearance, without carelessly breaking their heart:

Tell the whole truth with empathy: Communicate freely with your spouse. Vent everything that is on your heart and do not leave anything for later, as this can turn into bitterness or unresolved resentment, but show consideration for your spouses feelings by adding honest statements about how you care about them.

Don’t attack your spouse: Don’t use statements that blame them for the change in their appearance, but rather only speak on how the change in your spouses appearance is affecting your attraction towards them. This can also be done by not raising your voice and keeping your tone neutral.

Reassure them: Make them feel less insecure or self-conscious about their appearance by reassuring them that your displeasure at a certain aspect of their appearance does not mean that you are not attracted to other parts of their appearance. Compliment them on those aspects.

Reach a resolution: Don’t leave the conversation without a clear resolution or plan to resolve or work out what both parties will actively do to ensure that they’re working towards attracting and being attracted to their spouses. If anyone needs to take some time to cool down, that’s okay, but the conversation has to be returned to.

Seek a neutral third-party: Consider getting the opinion of a third party that you both trust, whether that’s a family friend, or a therapist, to work on your issues individually and as a couple.

In this article, a woman revealed she uninvited her stepson to a party for the sake of her daughter.