I’m Happy to Attend My Friend’s Wedding, but a $600 Gift Is Too Much

When Cassie received an invitation to her close friend’s destination wedding, she was excited to celebrate such a special occasion. While she deeply values her friendship, she found herself facing a difficult dilemma: how could she support her friend’s big day without compromising her own financial well-being?

We received an email from her.

Hey Bright Side team! It’s Cassie here. I’ve seen people send letters asking for advice before, so I decided to send mine this time. My best friend and I are fighting because of her wedding. Let me explain what’s happening.

Recently, I received an invitation to be the bridesmaid at my best friend’s wedding. We’ve been friends since we were kids and, while I was excited to be part of their special day, my enthusiasm quickly started to fade as the costs started piling up.

It’s a destination wedding. So, there’s the airfare, the hotel, transportation, and food for the entire weekend. Then, of course, there’s the bridal shower, the bachelorette party, and the added costs like the bridesmaid dress, shoes, and makeup. All of that alone is a serious financial investment.

I knew weddings were expensive, but when my friend’s wedding registry suggested gifts starting at $600, I had to draw the line.

When did it become normal to expect guests to spend this much? It’s already a privilege and sacrifice to attend, especially when it’s far from home. In my case, by the time the wedding weekend is over, I’ll likely be out of pocket well over $1,500, and that’s before we even talk about the gift.

I had to make a decision about how much I’m willing to spend, and for my own financial health and peace of mind, I’m sticking to it. It’s hard, though. There’s definitely guilt involved in not meeting someone’s expectations, especially when it’s a close friend. But the reality is that I have bills to pay, future goals, and a budget that doesn’t allow for lavish spending on every wedding I attend.

So, I’ll still give a gift, but it won’t be $600. When I told my friend this, she called me insensitive and that if it was the reverse situation, she would spend whatever money to make me happy.

Do you think I made the right decision to stick to a cheaper present, or am I being a bad friend?

Hi Cassie! Here are a few ways you can handle this situation while keeping your friendship intact.

Offer a meaningful alternative

If the registry is too expensive, consider offering an alternative gift that reflects your connection. This could be a sentimental item, like a photo album of shared memories, or an experience they can enjoy later, like a dinner out after the wedding. You could also offer your time or talents: helping with planning, DIY decorations, or offering your skills (like photography, cooking, or organization) as part of the celebration.

A thoughtful, personalized gift can hold much more value than a pricey registry item. Explain to your friend that you wanted to give something from the heart rather than from the store.

Split the cost with others

Another way to manage the cost without breaking the bank is to team up with other guests. If there are mutual friends attending the wedding, ask if they’d be interested in chipping in for a group gift. Many people may be feeling the same financial pressure, and splitting the cost can make an expensive gift more affordable.

Approach this option with care, making sure you’re collaborating with others who are comfortable with the arrangement. This way, you can contribute to something special without going over your budget.

Reframe the situation as an opportunity

Rather than seeing this situation as a conflict, try reframing it as an opportunity to deepen your friendship. You can show that you care by expressing your feelings in a gentle, respectful way. Your friend might not have even considered how much her wedding costs are impacting guests, and by opening up, you’re giving her the chance to show understanding and empathy.

It’s also a chance for you to prioritize self-care and set financial boundaries, which can strengthen your own well-being in the long run.

Politely decline if needed

If the financial strain becomes too much, and you’re feeling overwhelmed, it’s okay to decline certain wedding-related events. You don’t have to attend every pre-wedding event, and you can let your friend know, “I won’t be able to make it to the bridal shower or bachelorette party, but I’m so excited about the wedding!”

This shows your enthusiasm for the main event while protecting your own financial stability. It’s perfectly fine to skip some aspects without damaging your friendship.

These approaches can help you navigate the situation gracefully while maintaining your friendship and keeping your financial priorities in check.