I’m Making My Daughter Do All the Chores Because She’s Not Paying Rent
It is a normal expectation for kids to help out their parents with household chores and responsibilities. However, when all of this falls on a single person, things might get tough. A dad thought he had made a fair deal with his daughter doing the chores as a form of rent. But after posting on the internet and asking for others’ opinions about the matter, he got a huge surprise.
A father got into a conflict with his daughter about their living arrangements.
I have a 20-year-old daughter who is currently living with me rent-free while she attends college. When she moved back home, we made a deal where she would cook and clean the house as a form of payment for her living here. She agreed to it, and we both thought it was fair.
However, recently, she approached me and said that the cooking and cleaning are taking up too much of her time, making it hard for her to study and complete her homework. She asked if I could reduce the number of days she has to cook to give her more time for her studies.
I told her that she should be grateful for the deal I offered her and that it’s not that hard to do a few hours of chores compared to what many kids her age are going through. I pointed out that some of her peers are working 9-5 while going to school simultaneously, and I’ve given her the luxury of just handling some household chores in exchange for free housing.
She ended up calling her aunt (my sister) behind my back to complain about how I’m treating her, and my sister called me, and kind of went off on me, basically saying I’m being too strict and should listen to my daughter.
Here’s where I’m unsure if I’m being wrong. I want to stick to the agreement we made, but my sister’s words have me questioning my stance.
The poster later came with more updates.
Just to address some things. For one, I’m my daughter’s father, not stepmother. Her mother is no longer with us, and I’m currently single. So this isn’t a Cinderella story. Two, I’m not sexist for making my daughter cook for my sons, who are only children. They don’t know how to cook, let alone clean themselves.
Three, I’m not trying to take advantage of my daughter. As I said in my post, a lot of people her age would die to be in the position she’s in right now. I’m paying for her college, and all I expect back from her is a homemade meal. I appreciate the feedback, but a lot of bad assumptions were made about me, so I had to clear it up.
After reading a lot of you guys’ comments, I’m leaning towards making an ultimatum with my daughter. Either she can get a job and pay some of the rent, so she no longer has to consistently cook and clean anymore, or she can continue with the deal I initially offered her. To compromise a little bit, I might change some of the days she has to cook and clean, to days where she has more free time to do so.
I believe if she decides to take a 9-5, she will eventually realize just how good the offer I initially made with her was. Some may think I’m being harsh, but my stance is different on that, because at her age I was going to school and I paid full rent by myself with no help from my family. So I believe this to be a fair compromise.
Redditors quickly called out the dad and took the daughter’s side.
- “You say ‘many people do this, that and the other’, well your daughter is not many people. She is overwhelmed with the sum of her duties right now. She is just asking you not to have to cook some days of the week, so that she may catch up on her school work. Is that so terribly unreasonable? I don’t think so.
You could let her not cook in the weekend, the whole arrangement to be evaluated in three months to see how it works for your family. That would be a reasonable arrangement.” FragrantEconomist386 / Reddit
- “You sound like Cinderella’s stepmother. This is your daughter, who is attending college, and you’re treating her like a full time maid. You are not asking her to do some chores, you have her cooking and cleaning full time for a family. That’s a huge difference.
At the very least, the cooking needs to stop. You cook for your children and clean up after them. Then, if you want to assign a list of weekly chores, fine. Things that are done once and completed until next week, but not daily cleaning up after 3 people. That’s exhausting, and that’s your job.” Beautiful-Report58 / Reddit
- “She went behind your back? She isn’t a child and can talk to whoever she wants to. I would think you would want to give her the best chance possible of getting through college. If she tells you she needs more time to study, why aren’t you helping her? Instead, you are being stiff-necked about the deal you made with her.
You sound like a ‘my way or the highway’ kind of person. If that is true, expect your daughter to leave you behind in the future. Then you will have to call your sister and complain about how you never hear from your daughter.” Winnie-Pooh2020 / Reddit
Conflicts between parents and kids can be everyday occurrences. In our previous article, we wrote about the story of a dad who refused to pay for his daughter’s very expensive wedding. And things quickly escalated between the duo.