My Boyfriend Wants Me to Be a Stay at Home Wife and I Think This Is an Insane Idea

In an era where women are breaking barriers and excelling in every field, the notion of being a stay-at-home mother can seem almost archaic to some. In today’s story, one woman found herself dealing with her boyfriend’s different values and visions for the future.

She explained what happened.

I (23F) recently found out I'm pregnant with my (25M) boyfriend Andrew's child. We have been dating for three years and our relationship is pretty good. We both want children eventually though we planned to have them later after we're a bit more established in our careers. The pregnancy came as a surprise. Initially, we considered aborting or placing the baby for adoption but decided to keep it. I graduated college last year and have a job that pays okay money with the possibility of future promotions and raises. My boyfriend works as an electrician and also makes good money so with both of our incomes we should be able to afford the baby.

A couple of days after we decided we were keeping our child, Andrew told me that he wanted me to be a stay-at-home mom. He said that he believed that having an SAHM was better for the baby, that he was raised by an SAHM and loved it and he wanted to give our child that same life. He said that he had been talking with his boss who agreed to give him a raise. And he said with that raise plus working occasional overtime he would be able to afford to pay our rent, bills, groceries, and the costs for our baby. He also said he would marry me so I would have extra security.

I admit I burst out laughing when he suggested this. It’s just insane to me. Sure we might be able to afford me being a SAHM but it would require budgeting every penny he made. I also just graduated — does he think I went to college for four years just to be a SAHM and spend my days doing his laundry and cooking his meals? Also what if he gets sick or dies? Also, I’m the first person in my entire family to earn my degree. My parents were immigrants and both had elementary school level education. I’m very proud of my education and career — this is something he knows as I’ve told him so I’m surprised he would ever suggest this.

I could tell he was upset and hurt by my reaction but he accepted my decision without arguing. I was talking about this to one of my friends, and she told me that it was mean of me to laugh. Andrew was offering to care for me and my baby and I responded by mocking him. I didn’t mean it to come that way, just that his suggestion to me anyway was so insane and stupid that I couldn’t help it. Was I wrong?

People stood on her side.

• "The fact that he would NEED overtime after the raise to make it work means it doesn’t work." NUredditNU / Reddit
• "I will answer the question you asked. I think it wasn’t appropriate to laugh. But I get why you did. To you, this was probably a very left-field request. It probably shocked you which meant you weren’t guarding your reaction well. That’s not a big deal. Apologize for that reaction and then just explain that it was NOT to make fun of him, just your reaction to what caught you off guard." -Avarena / Reddit
• "Try suggesting he becomes a SAHD and see if he takes it any more seriously than your reaction." CruiseDad4eva / Reddit

• "There's nothing wrong with being a SAHP if that's what you wanted. I'd have probably laughed too if someone came at me with this grand plan and I was just expected to go along with it. If he thinks a baby will benefit from having an SAHP, he can stay home. You can both try it and do a year each and see if either of you likes it. He can't decide this is what your future is without your input." HunterDangerous1366 / Reddit
• "It wasn't nice to laugh at him but you're not wrong. I had a baby and got married at your age, and I'm still married, but I think young adult women today are in big trouble. Young men are too infatuated with the trad wife/girlfriend thing when they were not raised well (frankly), are not responsible, don't accept accountability, lack loyalty, and have little if any respect for women, period." constantin_NOPEal / Reddit
• "I was a SAHM and now I'm trying to start a career at 53. I don't recommend it." pyrrhicchaos / Reddit

This experience has underscored the importance of communication, understanding, and mutual respect in any partnership. Ultimately, each person must pursue a path that aligns with their passions and goals.