Our reader felt left out of her son and daughter-in-law’s plans. So she decided to make her own to not feel excluded. But her actions caused tension, harsh words, and even distance. Now she wonders if she went too far.
Dear Bright Side,
My son and DIL planned a trip and didn’t invite me. I asked if I could come along, and my DIL gave me that tight smile and said, “We want to build memories with the kids, just us.” It hurt, but I didn’t argue. Instead, while they were gone, I quietly planned my own “family trip.” I invited my daughter (from my first marriage) and her kids.
Here’s where it gets worse: a few days later, my daughter showed me texts from my DIL. She had messaged her saying I was “pathetic” for trying to copy their trip and that my daughter should “set boundaries too before I ruin her marriage.” My daughter clapped back hard and told her she had no right to say anything about her family.
Now the whole thing is messy. My son says I need to apologize to his wife, my daughter refuses to talk to him because of the comments, and the cousins—who usually adore each other—aren’t even allowed to play together right now because the parents are clashing.
So yeah, did I do anything wrong when I planned my own family trip after being excluded from theirs?
Christina R.C., 57 years old
Why do you feel entitled to go on a holiday with their family unit? Is this a normal thing for you? I sense that you are a demanding type of person and maybe your DIL doesn’t want to deal with it. Yes you are spiteful for what you did. Now they are in turmoil .
You need to grow up.
I dont see anything wrong with them not inviting you. Sometimes you just want to be alone with your own family. However I dont see why the DIL is upset with you for going on a trip of your own and inviting others to go with. Obviously you wanted to take a trip with family and they didnt want to do that. She is being very ignorant now. Your son should be telling her that.
I don't think you did anything wrong. You asked if you could go, they said no they wanted it to be jut them. So you decided a vacation with family sounds good, I'll take my daughter. You son and DIL are pathetic and selfish. They want to be included with your plans, but exclude you from theirs, AND for not letting the kids play with their cousins I hope you enjoyed your trip
Yes you were out of line. You tried to be manipulative and spiteful all because they dared to take a family vacation. Hopefully you won’t be invited to anything else, and they can enjoy their lives without someone who acts like a narcissist.
How was she manipulative? She planned another trip with her other child. This had nothing to do with dil. What made dil text sil? Sounds the dil is throwing shade not the mom.
MIL was the asshole for inviting her self on others vacation, regardless if it was her son. She is more than within her right to create her own vacation.
She didn't invite herself. If you read it, she ASKED if she could go, she didn't demand. She has a perfect right to go somewhere with her other children and grandchildren. The other thing we don't know is if this going on vacation was a routine with the family. It wasn't brought up.
You are not in the wrong. Your Son and DIL,are very lame and strange . Your DIL sure seems to dislike you. Low contact,is the way to go
I'll say you were out of line. First you wanted to invite yourself to the Vaca because you were not asked. Then because you were hurt you decided to plan your own secret Vaca. You didn't get your away so you did retaliate. I wouldn't call you pathetic but there does seem to be a bit of control which is probably why she wanted space.
She was outta line for going on a different vacation, it wasn't a secret she just didn't advertise it. Whats wrong with a mom wanting to be around her kids
So let me get this straight. YOU are pathetic because you went on a vacation with your own daughter? Your DIL didn't want you on HER trip so you made your own. Your son is either stupid or WHIPPED. Either way you didn't do anything wrong and I hope you had a wonderful time.
A man is not either stupid or whipped because he chooses his wife over his mother. He married his wife and went to make a family with her. His mother should understand if they do not want her around for every moment.
Choosing his wife isn't what makes him whipped, letting his wife speak that way about his mother does. They don't have to ask her to join them for anything, and they SHOULD NOT think that calling her a derogatory term is ok. THAT is what IMO is what does. Or are you too?
No you did nothing wrong. And I think it was great idea.
Hi Christina,
You asked if you did anything wrong. Planning your own trip with your daughter was not wrong. But in this situation, it looked like you were trying to get back at your son and daughter-in-law, and that’s what fueled the conflict. Here’s how you can handle it now.
Bright side... I think you're wrong. Mom didn't do anything but plan another trip. The one who instigated the issue was dil by making comments to her daughter. Who bad mouths someone's mother to their daughter (if my sil said that to me about my Mom she would have gotten an earful)?! Sounds like dil started this issue not mom.Son needs to check his wife. So what if she asked her daughter to go on vacation. Sounds like dil is trying to gaslight Mom.
Wishing you wisdom,
Bright Side
Family conflicts can take many forms. In another case, Albert faced a storm when his stepbrother borrowed his car without asking, wrecked it, and left the family divided over who should pay the $15K repair bill.
Some people in the comments, the articles response, and your DIL are unhinged and entitled. No one owns a vacation itinerary. Are they going somewhere no one in the world has ever vacationed before? Are they copying the millions that went before them? If the issue the DIL had was that she wanted a trip without the MIL, she got that. If what she wanted was to have something to brag about and hold over the head of the MIL she would act exactly like the overgrown toddler she did act like. There was no reason to be mad that the MIL was doing something else with her daughter when she was not invited to be with her son. There was no reason to reach out to the daughter and bad mouth the MIL and insist that the MIL had to stay at home. This DIL has control issues, a bad attitude, and the mentality of a two year old. Your son deserves the life he will have with someone like that, and the best revenge is for you to let them deal with themselves. When they inevitably need you, tell them you've set the boundaries they've asked for and they can go you know what themselves.
Thank you, I totally agree with your daughter in-law and son acting entitled and ridiculous. So you asked. You shouldn't you , you aren't a child and the only bad questions are the ones no one asks. You didn't attack or offend anyone. However, I am really glad you spent the day with family that cherishes those moments. You do not owe that entitled tyrant. Seriously does she own everyone, so everyone must obey her rude unnecessary uncalled for comments. Do they really need an apology because you had a wonderful time without them. Your daughter in-law sounds like she's a bit paranoid. The world doesn't evolve around her, boom it just blew her mind. It shouldn't hurt an in-law that someone they berated enjoyed themselves. Don't apologize, I think anti psychotics would do wonders. Paranoia isn't a good thing.
2years ago, one of our sons graduated boot camp, in California. Just my little family had planned to go. His older siblings made their own plans to go as well. Little did I know, my MIL also planned to go. She bought her own plane ticket but expected to stay with us at our Air BnB. Put us out of a room/bed and seat in the rented vehicle. I get ya. I wouldn't invite my self on any of my sons planned vacation. It's just rude. No joke.
Asking to go along on your son's family trip was a bit cringe; but I understand that getting a firm "no" didn't feel good. I all but certain their plan was not made with the aim to exclude you, per se, but rather to have family time with their kids. You framed your trip with your daughter's family as "showing them" - also a bit cringe. Your daughter was OK being a prop in your payback? That being said, your DIL deciding to declare war by telling your daughter (and who else?)that you're pathetic is beyond cringe. Sure you can travel and it's not about her!
Daughter-in-law wanted a vacation without her mother-in-law. Mother-in-law wanted vacation with her children and her grandchildren. Both got what they wanted. The son needs to shut up because his wife got the trip she wanted, and neither he nor his wife have the right to insist that his sister and mother do not get to take a vacation when they want how they want, which is together. To be pissed because you got what you wanted, and someone else then also got what they wanted is the most entitled thing I've ever heard. "Only I'm allowed to have the vacation that I want, so I can be angry that my mother and sister also got a trip they enjoy. One that didn't even conflict with mine."
