My Husband Treats Me Like an ATM for His Parents—So I Pulled the Plug

Money and family—two things that can bring people together or tear them apart. In a perfect world, financial support would be a choice, not an expectation. But what happens when one partner keeps prioritizing their parents’ needs over their own household? When generosity turns into obligation, resentment builds fast.

Our dear reader reached out and shared her story.

A shared financial life—until now.

My husband and I have been together for almost seven years. We shared everything—our home, our bills, and our income. I’ve always been the responsible one with money, while he tends to spend more freely. At first, it didn’t bother me. We both had steady jobs, and we lived comfortably.

One issue that always lingered in the background was his family. They had a habit of “borrowing” money, but in all the years I’ve known them, I can count on one hand how many times they actually paid it back. Personally, it didn’t bother me at first, because you know family, especially a retired one. They sometimes need our help.

Everything changed when he could no longer work.

A few years ago, my husband’s health started declining, and they had to fire him because of lots of day offs and absence. It wasn’t sudden—his condition worsened over time, and eventually, he simply couldn’t work anymore. While we waited for his disability benefits to be approved, I became the sole provider. We drained our savings just trying to keep up with bills, and despite my best efforts, we slipped further into debt.

By the time his disability benefits finally came through, we were struggling financially. When he received his back pay, I asked for just two things: pay off a loan in his name that I had been covering for years and put some money into savings for emergencies.

He did neither. Instead, he blew through it—giving over half of the money to his family while doing nothing to help our situation.

The final straw.

Despite everything, I continued saving little by little, hoping to start paying off some of our debt. He knew this. And yet, a few weeks ago, I noticed nearly $500 missing from our savings.

When I confronted him, he admitted he had loaned it to his parents. That money wasn’t extra—it was already earmarked for bills. I was furious. We had a massive argument, and I made it clear that I was done with his family draining our finances.

Yesterday, I checked our account again. Another $800—gone. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I offered to get a divorce. He looked me dead in the eyes and said, “If that’s what it takes to keep my parents happy, then so be it.”

Am I the villain?

I was beyond angry. I went straight to the bank, withdrew every cent I had put into that account, and opened a new one in my name—one he has no access to.

Now, he’s acting like I’m the bad guy. He says I should want to help his parents, that it’s family, and that they’d do the same for us if the roles were reversed. But I refuse to keep sacrificing my hard-earned money for their financial irresponsibility.

So, am I wrong for finally taking control of my own finances? Because at this point, I feel like it was the only choice I had left.

We are glad that you shared your story. We’ve gathered some advice for you.

Prioritize communication — even If It’s hard.

Communication is the backbone of any successful relationship, whether it’s with customers, partners, or employees. Open, honest, and consistent communication fosters trust, resolves conflicts, and strengthens connections. Without effective communication, misunderstandings can arise, leading to dissatisfaction, disengagement, and ultimately, a breakdown in relationships.

Before rushing into a divorce, it’s crucial to communicate openly about the reasons behind your decision. Sit down with your spouse and explain everything. Avoid blame and instead focus on how their actions have affected your financial stability and trust in the relationship. This might not fix everything, but it’s a necessary step in understanding each other’s perspectives.

Stay calm and be strategic.

If you are contemplating a separation, or are heading toward divorce, one way to create cushioning for yourself and your family will be to carefully consider which process to use to create plans and resolve your differences about money and property. Couples can choose a process that will provide more support, be less adversarial, and rely less on court decisions and more on the input and thoughtfulness of the individuals involved.

Divorce can trigger emotional reactions, and financial arguments often become heated. It’s important to stay calm and take a strategic approach. Don’t make impulsive decisions based on anger or frustration; instead, ensure that everything you do is in your best interest long-term.

Take time to heal.

Whether you wanted a divorce or not, grief is a perfectly natural response to the end of your marriage. Letting yourself feel this emotion not only honors your own experience, it can help you eventually move on.

Divorce is an emotional process as much as it is a financial one. Take time for yourself to reflect on what’s best for your emotional and financial well-being. If you’re still undecided about the divorce, don’t rush. Focus on healing, regaining stability, and assessing if this relationship can be salvaged—or if it’s time to move forward separately.

At the end of the day, financial boundaries are about respect, security, and valuing your hard work. Whether it’s setting clear expectations or making tough decisions, it’s important to protect your financial future. You deserve to feel valued and secure in your choices. Take control, stand firm, and never be afraid to make the decisions that lead to a healthier, happier life.