My Husband Says I Insulted His Mother and Demands I Do the Unthinkable

Family & kids
6 months ago

The holidays can be a stressful time, especially when it comes to planning things with family. One of our readers, Samantha, is going through a particularly tough situation with her husband Tony and his family after canceling a Christmas celebration at their place. Now Tony is demanding a specific type of apology that Samantha is definitely not willing to provide.

This is Samantha’s letter.

This problem is much worse than what is happening right now. You have to put up some boundaries. If he wants more celebrations, tell him to be a good hostess and you will be in a nice hotel.


Dear Samantha, thank you for reaching out to us, and we appreciate your honesty. We have some tips for you — we hope they come in handy.

Seek a compromise with Tony.

Strive to find a middle ground that works for both you and your husband. Consider suggesting the possibility of a more manageable, smaller gathering later in the new year at a less hectic date. This would allow you to navigate work and the adjustments that come with being a new mom more effectively.

Highlight the significance of compromise in sustaining a healthy relationship. Emphasize that prioritizing solutions that meet both of your needs is vital for the overall well-being of your family.

Involve a neutral third party.

If the communication breaks down and tensions persist, consider mediation by involving a counselor. They can help facilitate a constructive dialogue and offer guidance on finding common ground, serving as a neutral voice to ensure that both perspectives are heard and respected throughout the resolution process.

This can lead to a more balanced and amicable resolution, fostering understanding between you and Tony.

Establish limits.

Wow I am sorry but the husband is inconsiderate and isn't even working full-time. He has nerve. She is working extra shifts and just had a baby. Shame on him and the family. I would go see the MIL and explain how overwhelmed you are and how he didn't discuss anything with you before he invited everyone. That it isn't personal but you just cannot do it this year.


Clearly set and communicate your boundaries to Tony and his family. Share the specific challenges you are navigating, such as the demands of caring for a newborn and maintaining a full-time job, and establish limits on what you can handle at this moment in your life.

Use “I” statements to express your emotions without sounding accusatory. For example, say, “I feel overwhelmed with the additional responsibility of hosting, given my current workload and our new family dynamics.”

Involve Tony in childcare responsibilities.

Since you are working full-time and dealing with a newborn, discuss and delegate specific childcare responsibilities with Tony. Encourage him to actively participate in caring for the newborn, as this shared experience can not only deepen his understanding of the challenges you’re facing but also foster a stronger sense of shared responsibility and partnership in parenting. This collaborative effort can contribute to a more supportive and balanced family dynamic.

Prioritize self-care but also re-establish connections with family.

Taking care of yourself is crucial during such stressful times, Samantha. Allocate time for self-care, whether it’s taking short breaks, getting some rest, or seeking support from friends and family outside this situation. Remember that nurturing your well-being is essential, especially now, and can contribute to your resilience in navigating the challenges within your family.

And when you feel emotionally ready, reach out individually to family members who may have misunderstood your actions. Explain your perspective and feelings, assuring them that your intention was not to disrespect anyone, but to address the challenges you’re currently facing.

Navigating relationships with family can indeed be challenging, especially as we form our own families. Another Bright Side reader has reached out, seeking advice on a situation where her mother refuses to look after her grandchild. Check out her story and our advice here.

Preview photo credit RDNE Stock project / Pexels


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Your husband is a self-centered disrespectful POS. But it does not seem that the apple falls far from the tree as the rest of his family works similarly. I would not do anything to make amends with his family who have decided to punish you for his lack of thoughtfulness toward you. You have done absolutely nothing wrong. If you cave this time, it is only the beginning. You may be in much better shape being away from your thoughtless husband and his family. If anyone should be making amends, it is his family members who also have joined in to treat you with such disrespect. Why do you want to associate with people who feel fine making you the doormat?


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