My MIL Became the Third Wheel in Our Marriage, and My Husband Does Nothing to Stop Her

Marriage can be tough enough without outside interference, but for Frannie, her mother-in-law has become a constant source of tension. At only 24, Frannie has already declined her MIL’s seemingly generous offer to buy them a home, worried it would come with strings attached. Her suspicions were confirmed when something shocking happened in her own house, solidifying her fears.

Here’s the letter Frannie shared with us:

Thank you for opening up, Frannie! Here are some suggestions that might help you handle this tricky situation with care and confidence.

Establish clear boundaries with your mother-in-law.

Think about sitting down with your mother-in-law for an honest chat about your home and personal possessions. Approach the topic respectfully but confidently, saying something like, “I value your input, but I’d prefer to keep my personal items, like my makeup and family keepsakes, the way I’ve arranged them.”

Setting these boundaries will help make it clear that your space is your own to manage.

Redirect her need to be involved.

Your mother-in-law’s controlling behavior may stem from a need to feel relevant or connected, especially if she’s struggling with letting go of her role in her son’s life. Find ways to redirect her energy toward more appropriate forms of involvement.

For example, suggest that she contribute to something that doesn’t infringe on your space or autonomy, like helping with a family event or offering her advice on something small. This way, she feels included but isn’t overstepping boundaries.

Have an open and honest talk with your husband.

Take some time to talk with your husband when you can have a calm, uninterrupted conversation. Share your emotions about his mom’s behavior—like swapping out your bedsheets or discarding your makeup—and how it makes you feel undermined and like your personal space isn’t respected.

Try to frame your points using “I” statements, like saying, “It hurt me when my grandmother’s mirror was taken away because it has deep sentimental meaning for me.” This way, you can express your feelings clearly without making him feel defensive, helping him see things from your side.

Create a joint plan with your husband.

Work with your husband to outline clear rules for dealing with situations involving your mother-in-law moving forward. You could decide, for example, that any significant changes or decisions about your home need to be mutually agreed upon beforehand.

This approach will encourage your husband to take a more active role in addressing these issues and help you both present a united stance, reinforcing your partnership.

Abby, one of our readers, also reached out for help with a tricky situation involving her mother-in-law. At Abby’s baby shower, her MIL gave her an embarrassing present in front of everyone, leaving the expectant mother upset and humiliated. Frustrated, Abby asked her MIL to leave the party. Here’s what happened.