Dear Bright Side,
I married my husband 7 years ago and since then my MIL has been talking about having grandchildren. But we wanted to travel and build our careers before having kids. That was exactly what we did, and we paid the price for it.
But I never expected my MIL to go this far. Last week, at my husband’s birthday party, my MIL stood for a “toast.” I watched her anxiously, not knowing what to expect.
Instead of saying something nice or wishing my husband a happy birthday, she just smirked. Then she said, “You’re 35 now. Well, I guess I’ll be waiting forever for grandkids because if you haven’t started yet, you never will.”
People laughed, thinking she made a joke, but we knew the truth. My face burned as embarrassment and rage overwhelmed me. But it only got worse when I saw the look on my husband’s face. He was just as upset as I was.
So I set down my glass, stared at her and said, “Actually, we’ve been trying to have a baby for over a year now. I had to have surgery last month after we had a miscarriage. But thank you for turning my private grief into a party joke.”
She left after that, and my husband’s celebration turned into a moment of mourning. Everyone felt bad for what we had gone through and for the way it was revealed. It completely ruined the mood and people started leaving soon after that.
Later that night, my MIL called me and spoke about how I embarrassed her in front of the family and ruined her son’s day. I was shocked and told her we didn’t want anything to do with her anymore. The problem is that I never discussed that with my husband.
So Bright Side, was I wrong?
Regards,
Lily T.
Thank you for sharing your story, Lily. We understand how upsetting this situation must be for you and your husband so we’ve put together a few tips that might be helpful.
She embarrassed herself. Tell her that "You did it to yourself by opening your mouth about something you know nothing about. And you wonder why we didn't tell you 🤷 Now you know why, you're not to be trusted with personal information. We had planned on telling you at the right time. Now? You'll be lucky to hear anything."
Instead of deciding the family cutoff on your own, ask him directly: “Do you want me to step back and let you handle conversations with your mom, or do you want us to respond together?” This gives him a choice in how to move forward, instead of presenting a decision he didn’t make.
Not to apologize, just to remove the “you humiliated me” narrative she’s pushing. Something like:
“I didn’t share that to embarrass you. I shared it because your comment hurt us, and I couldn’t let people think we don’t want kids when we’ve been going through something painful.” This stops her from reframing the night as you attacking her out of nowhere.
Instead of vague “we’re cutting her off,” choose a specific change. For example: You both skip the next family gathering entirely. Or you go, but leave early if she makes fertility comments. Or he goes alone for now while you take space. Pick one clear plan, not an emotional reaction.
Lily finds herself in a difficult situation, and she has to get her husband’s input before she makes a mistake that will impact her marriage. But she isn’t the only one with in-law struggles.
Another one of our readers reached out to share their story. Read it here: My MIL Excluded Me and My Child From “Her Family” — So I Made a Move She Didn’t Expect.
So sorry to about your lose for you both 😔 As for MIL unless she redeems herself. She will get worse. Best for you both to cut the losses & move to the future you both want. Gd luck 🍀🤞
