My Mom Refuses to Babysit My Son Unless We Agree to Her 3 “Cruel” Conditions

Opinions vary widely on babysitting. Some believe grandparents should gladly care for their grandchildren, while others argue it's unfair to expect it without compensation. Adele initially agreed to pay her mom to watch over her son full-time, but her husband disagreed, seeing it as excessive. However, the situation took an unexpected turn, escalating tension within the family. Now feeling lost and frustrated, Adele has reached out to us for advice.

This is Adele’s letter:

My mom will babysit our 2-year-old son full-time while we work. I promised to pay $30/day, but my husband said, "It's her grandma duty! Tell her we're not ATMs!" So, I sent my kid to daycare, which is more costly. Now he wants my mom back.

I was nervous when I told her, but she smiled and said, "OK! But here are my 3 new conditions:
1) I should be compensated for the food I'll be cooking for my grandkid.
2) I request a written agreement outlining my responsibilities and the agreed-upon compensation, especially as I no longer trust your husband.
3) Your husband needs to apologize for hurting my feelings."

I told her she was pushing it too far. These conditions are cruel, and it isn't right for her to take advantage of us just because we need her help. It doesn't seem fair for her to ask for more money, especially since this is her grandson, after all.

She responded by saying that we needed to understand she wasn't our "servant" at our beck and call, and that agreeing to her conditions would teach us to show more respect towards her.

What do you think? Is she right? Should we agree to her new conditions?
Adele

Hi Adele! Thank you for sharing your story. Here are some tips that can help you navigate through this situation.

Address emotional dynamics.

Schedule a family meeting to address the emotional aspects of the situation. Express your concerns about feeling taken advantage of, while acknowledging your mom's role and the value she brings.

Encourage open communication to understand each other's perspectives and find a compromise that respects everyone's feelings and contributions.

Negotiate a fair agreement.

Sit down with your mom and husband to discuss a fair compensation package that considers both her caregiving responsibilities and any additional tasks like cooking.

This could involve calculating the cost savings from not using daycare versus a reasonable payment for her services, ensuring everyone feels valued without overburdening your family budget.

Establish clear boundaries.

Create a written agreement that outlines each party's responsibilities, expectations, and compensation. This document should clarify what tasks your mom will undertake, such as childcare and cooking, and how much she will be compensated.

This not only sets clear boundaries but also helps rebuild trust by ensuring transparency and accountability.

Seek mediation or counseling.

If tensions persist or if it's challenging to reach a resolution on your own, consider involving a neutral third party, such as a family counselor or mediator. This professional can facilitate discussions, help clarify misunderstandings and guide you towards a mutually acceptable agreement.

Resolving underlying emotional issues can lead to a healthier family dynamic and better cooperation moving forward.

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