Sometimes the hardest battles we fight aren’t at work or in the world. They’re inside our own families. When labels, favoritism, and jealousy come into play, the people we expect to cheer for us can become the ones who doubt us the most.
One of our readers, Marc (32, M) wrote to us with a tough dilemma. Did he make the right decision? You decide.
All my life, my parents labeled me as “lazy.” It didn’t matter that I worked late shifts, took on double jobs, and clawed my way toward independence. Meanwhile, my brother was the golden child. Everything he did was celebrated. If he tripped, it was “he’s tired from studying.” If I stumbled, it was “there you go again, being careless.”
It sounds to me like the golden child needs to make some room at his house for Mommy and daddy. Your story does not say there was even one nice moment in your life with them. Why would you ever feel guilty about saying no to such horrible people? People whom if I were you, I would not want to entitled them with the names mom and dad. Write them off. Don't even give a second thought on what happens to them next
If it was me again me I wouldn't allow them to be in my home. You have peace now. Your home should be your refuge from the world. A place you can do what you want. You don't answer to anyone on how you want to live in your home. Once you allow your parents in your home it will be hard to get them to leave . Let your brother take care of them. Keep your distance and still be respectful. Your parents showed you who they are and what they think of you.
Last year, after years of saving and pushing myself past exhaustion, I bought my first house. It was the proudest moment of my life. I told my parents, expecting, just once, to hear words of pride. Instead, they laughed. My dad smirked and said, “Let’s see how long before you mess this up.” My brother chuckled along. It stung, but I told myself their opinion didn’t matter.
Without a doubt hand that over to your brother. It’s not difficult to congratulate your own son on an achievement as big as this. But they took their mockery a step further and lied about it to family. Stealing your joy. Regardless of their opinion they should’ve kept it to themselves. Absolutely you should not let them move in. They would only make your life in your new house you worked so hard to buy a misery. Give the caretaking responsibility to the golden one.
For months they ignored my success, I had almost given up hope on them noticing me but last week, my dad lost his job. My parents called me in tears, saying they had nowhere to go. They then asked to move in with me, into the house they had once mocked.
Continue saying no. Add publicly ask to see the proof that their son helped. Because you'd like to see it. And to never ask you for help. After all, since he's so successful why are they coming to you?
They've made it clear, to everyone, how they feel about you. You deserve better. You deserve love and respect. Say no and go NC. Ignore those who say "but family" by replying you don't have one. Let them help.
Show yourself respect by saying no.
The timing couldn’t have been worse because just days before, I had discovered something that broke me completely. I overheard my parents talking to relatives, bragging about my brother again. But when the conversation turned to me, I froze. They said I didn’t really buy my home. They claimed my brother had helped me with the down payment, because “there’s no way he could have done this on his own.”
Not only had they dismissed my achievement, they had handed my success to the golden child. To my own family, I was still the lazy one, even after everything.
My brother who gave me the downpayment ( I actually worked my fingers to the bone to save for myself) can help you out - after all he gets credit for every good thing including those he had absolutely nothing to do with - remember? Karma should have a bit of a sting, Gee whiz you just have to be ready for being painted the inept lazy son they've always treated you as anyways ooh surprise surprise face. The good thing is undoubtedly your friends and other family probably have no delusions about exactly how the wind actually blows.
So when my parents asked to move in, I said no. Not just because of their laughter. Not just because of their favoritism. But because they had erased my achievement and handed it to someone else while I was the one breaking my back to build it.
Did I do the right thing? I’m torn in two ways. On one hand they have nowhere to go but on the other I think they should just ask my brother to help them rent a new place. After all, he did have enough money for “my downpayment,” didn’t he?
Best,
Marc
Thank you for trusting us with your story, Marc. Walking away from family expectations isn’t easy, but sometimes it’s necessary. Here’s what you can take away from this experience:
While it’s not right, it’s not uncommon for parents to have a golden child. Here’s another story of parents who played favorites.
Let them move in with the golden child. Do not ever let them move in. They'll pull stuff like since the golden child helped (their opinion) you they can treat your house however they want. Including trying to get you out. I wouldnt put it past them falselify the info to get you out of YOUR house.
No is a complete answer, and needs no elaboration. Family helps family is an excuse, usually when others want something from you. Disregard it. Worse to worse, you can always use the seven-word response that has worked for me forever, and if they have no answer, you know yours: what have you done for me, lately?
I personally would never let my parents live on the streets no matter what but as they lived with me I might throw it up in their face occasionally 😂
