Family boundaries often get tested when one sibling is expected to babysit or take on childcare responsibilities. Situations like these can create guilt, tension, and resentment, especially when parents pressure adult children to put their own lives on hold.
Hello Bright Side!
So my sister has this habit of just, dropping her kids on me whenever it’s convenient for her. I don’t have kids, so in her mind that means I’m “always free.” Like, it’s not even just babysitting, sometimes I’m the one doing their laundry, feeding them, helping with homework. It’s basically like I’m their second mom without ever signing up for it.
Anyway, she’s planning this vacation with her friends, and she straight up tells me: “You can watch them for the week, right? You have no kids, so you’re always free.” Not even a question, just an assumption.
I told her no. I said I already had my own plans and that a full week was way too much to ask. She didn’t argue, didn’t get mad, just smirked at me like she knew something I didn’t, and left.
The next day, I was shocked to find out she told our mom about how I said no. Surprise, surprise, my mom shows up after lunch and starts tearing into me. Apparently, my sister ran to her and told her I “refused to help.”
Mom starts yelling that I’m selfish, that I’m the only one my sister can count on, and that I need to apologize immediately and free up my schedule to “do the right thing.” She even called me heartless.
Now I’m just sitting here stewing. Like, how am I selfish for not wanting to spend an entire week taking care of kids that aren’t mine? My mom acts like I’m some kind of villain because I won’t drop everything for my sister’s vacation.
I don’t think it’s fair, but now I’m second-guessing myself because both of them are making me feel like I’m the bad guy. So... am I right to finally put my foot down?
Thank you in advance,
Barbara
No means no. Your mom can babysit if she wants. If sister drops the kids off anyway contact your mom. If she won't come immediately and take over child care, contact child protective services since their mother abandoned them after you told her already you were unavailable to care for them. Her kids her responsibility. Where is the kids' father? If he's alive the kids should be with him.
Are you freaking kidding with this family nonsense?! This is sooo no one’s business but yours. You need some Guilt Be Gone! Tell them ALL OFF. If they cut you off, good for you!!
Grow a spine and tell the lady who gave birth to you, (she ain't any kind of mother) to babysit HER grandkids. She has demonstrated that your sister is the only one she has any concerns about. This is absolutely the hill to die on. Since when does not having children mean you don't have anything else to do? Call CPS on her just so she knows you're not going to be bullied or shamed into letting her go on vacation. I'm sure (hoping anyway) it won't amount to anything, but it will let her know that you aren't going to be played with. I don't care how much she thinks she deserves a break. She should have kept her legs closed if she didn't want kids. If she did, well, vacation will have to wait. You don't owe her jack. If she had any sense and needed to get away she could have,I don't know, asked you politely and with plenty of notice and kindness, and accepted your answer. Then she would have had enough time to make other arrangements. Insulting you is not going to make her look very good, although it is pretty clear she doesn't think that far ahead. That thing she calls mom is actually worse, but she taught her well. To quote Forrest Gump
"Stupid is as Stupid does". Don't be stupid.
Ask mom why she isn't babysitting. And stop doing it unless you offer, on your schedule. Tell both of them that the next time she just drops them off you're calling the cops. And do it!
Said the full thing to your mom and sister, record it and spread around their neighbors and tell your sister and mom they are heartless and selfish. Slam all what they said to you back to their face. AT PUBLIC. An eye 👁️ for an eye 👁️, a teeth 🦷 for a teeth 🦷
Thanks for sharing your story, Barbara! It really takes a lot to put something like that out there. We tried to gather a few pieces of advice that might help you see things from different angles. Hopefully at least one of them clicks and makes the situation feel a little lighter.
Setting boundaries with family isn’t easy, but it’s a step toward healthier relationships. With honesty and balance, it’s possible to support loved ones without losing yourself in the process.
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