“Without Him, I Can’t Breathe” Neil Patrick and David Burtka Shared Their Secrets to a Successful Marriage

David Burtka and his husband Neil Patrick Harris are literally 2 peas in a pod. They are the same height, weight, body type, and shoe size. But even though they are very similar to each other, they know it takes a lot more for a marriage to work and to build a happy family of 4.

We at Bright Side believe that there’s no shortcut to a happy marriage. It’s the work both partners put into it that makes the marriage succeed in the long run.

It was only through pure serendipity that Harris and Burtka met.

Neil first laid eyes on his future husband in the year 2000, on a street corner in New York. He ran into his friend Kate, who was accompanied by David. Assuming that Burtka was her boyfriend, his first words to her were, “Nicely done.”

After a short chit-chat with his friend, Harris found out that Burtka was gay. Burtka had a boyfriend at the time, but the universe wanted them together, so it kept setting things up for them to find their paths to each other.

Neil and David continued to bump into each other on the periphery, but their first “real” hangout was at an American Idol viewing party. Neil couldn’t take his eyes off him, but he wasn’t the type of guy who would interfere in a relationship, so he just hoped that the stars would eventually align.

They were straightforward with each other from the begging of their relationship.

Neil and David first started hanging out as friends, and when Burtka realized that he liked Harris, he broke up with his long-distance boyfriend. A week later, they went on their first date.

For David, having kids was one of the most important parts of his future and a key and crucial thing when picking a life partner. That’s why he decided to talk about whether Neil wanted kids on their first date. “If he hadn’t wanted kids, I don’t think we’d be together. I always thought that family was the most important thing in life, and no matter what I do, whether I’m a chef or an actor or a dancer, being a dad is what I do best.”

Today Burtka and Harris have 2 fraternal twins together and for the first year, David didn’t miss a night or a morning with them.

Their relationship is, in a way, very codependent.

Neil and Burtka started to hang out together every night. And every night turned into a non-stop thing. After only 3 months, the couple decided to start living together. They revealed that they are very co-dependent — they talk on the phone at least 8 times and text each other at least 25 times a day. And as it turns out, this way works great for them.

“He’s my lifeline in an amazing way. Without him, I can’t breathe. He makes me a little more grounded, and I bring out the wild side in him.”

Even when things are good and seem perfect, they go to couples therapy.

Patrick and David have been together for 18 years now and they openly admit that their relationship is far from perfect. Burtka revealed that going to couples therapy helped their relationship thrive. “We go to couples therapy. Not that there’s anything wrong, but it’s nice to sort of just talk to someone who is a mediator.”

They believe that a relationship changes over time and they just go with the flow.

Burtka and Harris don’t pretend to be a perfect couple, nor do they want to be “the poster boys for gay relationships,” even though they believe they have the perfect recipe for a wonderful relationship. “We’re just trying — in a good, positive, loving way — to live our lives,” Burtka revealed.

Neil admitted that, like in every marriage, he and his husband fight, but they try to keep their fights short and get over them as quickly as possible. After they had kids together, Patrick also revealed that they rarely have big fights. “What’s the point? We’re in this for a major long haul.”

For Patrick, perseverance is the thing that makes the relationship last.

The first 3 years of their relationship were the honeymoon phase. Ever since, they’ve put a lot of work into maintaining their relationship. When Harris was asked in an interview what the secret is to a long-lasting relationship, his reply was, “I think the secret to a relationship is just perseverance, you know? It’s not always pretty... but he’s pretty, so it makes it easy.”

Do you have any secrets for a successful marriage? What do you think is a crucial thing to maintain a long-lasting relationship?