My Dad Was Ungrateful With My Mom So I Taught Him a Lesson
There may be several ways to make an ungrateful and disrespectful person understand that their behavior is inappropriate, but what if that person is your father? This is where things get complicated because we love and respect him. However, family members have every right to point out destructive behaviors that affect the household. Let’s see how an internet user dealt with this situation.
We know that, in similar situations, families usually choose to stay quiet. But instead, this young woman decided to take action to make her father understand that his behavior was hurting their family. This is what other users thought about it:
- He didn’t even realize he was looking in the mirror until the end. Then all the feelings crashed down hard on him. Hopefully, he’ll learn. Good job at figuring out a method that illuminated the situation. © Neither-Entrance-208 / Reddit
- I would believe that he did not know because, in his mind, that is in no way who he is. He is a rational, calm man who complains only when something is egregiously wrong, and he is respected by all and sundry, especially the children. I bet he was thinking, “Haha, my child is rehearsing for a play or some child thing.” Someone whose view of himself is so different from who he really is very well might not realize this when he is looking at his own reflection. © FeuerroteZora / Reddit
- I’m a psychologist. Most people are quite blind to how their behavior may appear to and be interpreted by others, at least in some respects. More simply put, we all have blind spots in our self-image, sometimes really big ones, and it’s within these blind spots that many of our less-desirable traits live. © DrKittyLovah / Reddit
- I think you have a good chance here. You can acknowledge, “Hey, dad, I know that I probably did hurt your feelings, and I am sorry. Of course, you work hard and provide for us, and we appreciate it, but I want you to see that your behavior hurts mom’s feelings and hurts the family.” To me, the fact that he went quiet instead of exploding in anger says there is hope!
Like many, MANY men his age, he struggles to process those emotions, but he recognized he was feeling more embarrassed/hurt than angry. The key is to understand and withhold judgment, to re-center the convo on not just his pain but everyone’s pain, and to move forward. That’s tough, and you are a kid — it’s not your responsibility to do this. But I always ask, do you want to win or be right? © Benevelot Ceasar / Reddit
- I just want to add that I would also recommend you have a private chat with your mother. Explain to her that “me acting like Dad was not just about pointing out his bad behavior toward you. I also wanted to point out how your marriage affects the whole family. The daily fights and Dad’s yelling affects everyone. We all feel it when it gets to the time Dad is due home, and we prepare to listen to our dad be mean to our mother. It affects all of us, knowing our dad doesn’t respect our mother.” © excel_pager_420 / Reddit
- You are awesome. You faced him and did something to try to change the situation. Continue being like this, don’t listen to their complaints about you disrespecting him. Respect is earned, not given away. Moreover, he has been acting like a clown for too long to think he deserves any. Or does he think that he deserves a medal because he brought children into the world and fed them? That is his duty and is really a basic level duty for a parent. © SkyLightk23 / Reddit
We did some research to see what professionals advise and how we can deal with people who don’t accept their wrongdoings:
- Admitting that one is wrong is extremely difficult: First, no one is exempt from making mistakes. A person can insist that they’re right, even when they’re not. Likewise, most of those who portray this behavior, also have a fragile ego. They believe that if they stand their ground and insist on being right, they can protect themselves from the consequences of their wrongdoings and even change their version of events to escape blame.
- Avoid repeating the fight: If the person does not accept responsibility for themselves, you need to change the approach or postpone the discussion about the problem. Insisting will only make them more defensive. Instead of making statements in the second person, it’s better to make them in the first person, for example: “I am embarrassed when we are with my parents and...” instead of: “You are rude to my parents.”
- Presenting the problem as a question: This can make the other person lower their guard and make them less defensive and more willing to listen to logic. Instead of posing a problem like “You’re being rude and disrespectful to Mom!” change it to “Don’t you think what you said to Mom is rude? How would you feel if it were the other way around?”
- Avoid getting nervous: It’s challenging to defend one’s views in the face of continual opposition. However, by showing that you can control your reactions, you are setting a good example for the other person, and they may follow suit.
- Set limits: When none of the above works, then it’s time to set limits. This means leaving the discussion until the other person is willing to have a calm and reasonable conversation.
What would you have done in this girl’s place? How do you deal with people who don’t own up to their mistakes?