7 Signs That Can Help You Spot the Wrong Partner at the Beginning of a Relationship
In most cases, it’s things like toxicity, cheating, addiction, lies, and a lack of normal communication that cause a couple to break up. However, sometimes the reasons for a split aren’t that obvious since we get too carried away with things to notice them. A person may have no bad habits and be healthy psychologically with a great appearance but the relationship can still develop a harsh crack after the first serious quarrel. Eventually, you’ll end up trying to repair the union, exhausting yourself and your partner.
We at Bright Side encourage happy and healthy relationships only! That’s why we’ve selected 7 unmistakable personality traits that indicate you won’t have a bright future with your partner.
1. You have a different level of emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence (or “emotional quotient”) is the ability to express and perceive your own emotions, to control them, and to understand the feelings of others. A person with a low level of EQ finds it difficult to support close relationships and empathize with those close to them. They also can’t cope with situations that cause strong emotions and can’t control their own feelings.
A partner with a low EQ can’t imagine themselves in someone else’s situation, accept guilt for their mistakes, or understand that someone needs help. Relationships with such a person won’t be comfortable for either of you — while you’ll be waiting for empathy and understanding, your partner will be expecting a total acceptance of their point of view.
It’s possible to detect a person with a low EQ level during early meetings if you carefully watch their reactions to their surroundings. These kinds of people become easily irritated when they’re asked to show indulgence. They also like to judge and give unsolicited advice and don’t know how to listen, let alone hear what you’re saying.
2. Your personal space is ignored.
Does your new friend try to occupy your time and get angry when you’re busy with your own plans? If your partner doesn’t know how to keep themselves engaged when alone or if they don’t have any hobbies, they’ll start to limit your freedom. Your chosen partner will try to take up your interests and tastes even if you don’t want them to in order for them to have another reason to stay around you.
You’ll be feeling flattered and happy during the first weeks of your relationship but day by day you’ll be choked by such love. This kind of union flows into the form of psychological abuse which the abuser may not even be aware of because they’re giving their entire selves to you.
Pay attention to what a person says about themselves in the first days of meeting them — an independent personality is always passionate about something and has their own hobbies and interests.
3. They try to change you.
Almost all of us have our own ideas about what makes a perfect partner, including opinions about what qualities they should have, how they should look, what they should be into and how much they should earn. Sometimes our reality meets our dreams but sometimes it doesn’t. At the same time, some people can’t separate these ideas and project their desired features onto a new partner.
“Have you ever tried dying your hair blonde?” or “Why are you into tattooing, engineers earn much more money!” They may even ask, "You should wear expensive gems and not this rubbish — you’re a lady!’ Your chosen partner will try to adjust you to their own habits and tastes and will provoke changes in your appearance or lifestyle in every possible way. Eventually, the partner will realize that you’re not their ideal and that such a relationship will only last as long as you agree with their opinions.
This person will inform you about their preferences quite early on and will start to hint at what they think will suit you better.
4. Your partner clearly separates your problems from theirs.
You inform your partner about a broken faucet and they’ll shrug sympathetically, kiss you on the forehead and leave to go drink beer with their friends. At the same time, they may claim that you refused to help them look for a present for their mother’s birthday. Whenever you need help, you’ll have to deal with it yourself but if it’s your partner who needs help, you can be sure they’ll be offended if you refuse to get involved.
You’ll end up bringing over medicine when your partner is sick, canceling your meetings and changing your plans whenever they call. And this is all because their problems are now your problems while your problems remain your problems. It’s not a good scenario for partners who want to totally rely on each other.
A person interested in a relationship will do their best to make their partner feel happy. Whether it’s meeting with friends, going to the beauty salon, or dealing with bad weather.
5. Your opinion doesn’t mean anything.
It all starts with small things like choosing a restaurant for a date, deciding on what to eat for dinner, or which movie to watch at the theatre. In a toxic relationship, you’ll never be asked — the partner will make reservations at a restaurant themselves and buy tickets for the latest thriller without inquiring about what you want to do. Your partner assumes that they know everything better while you don’t know anything by default.
It can look like they’re being caring as if they’re protecting you from having to make decisions. But the truth is, you don’t actually have any right to speak out.
Unfortunately, the situation will worsen over time. Your partner will choose a new apartment by themselves in the city or they’ll choose what to name your first child. It’s quite difficult to make this kind of partner listen to your opinions. Do you really need this in your life?
6. Work always has priority.
People who are totally in love with their job deserve respect and admiration. They’re ready to work day and night and devote their weekends to getting work done. Therefore, they manage to reach incredible heights in their careers. However, the partners that get left alone in such relationships always lose in the scenario.
If your chosen partner talks a lot about their work right from the getgo, if they’re always late for dates or even cancels them, it’s not likely that you’ll convince them to change their priorities. Are you ready to spend almost every evening in an empty house or tell your parents about your fiancé who doesn’t have time to meet them?
7. You have totally different lifestyles.
If you like eating multi-layered sandwiches for breakfast and don’t like jogging in the morning (or any time of the day) while your new partner is obsessed with superfoods and goes to the gym 7 times per week, it’s unlikely you’ll be able to build a harmonious relationship. The same story applies to homebodies and avid travelers; modest workers and those who like to party hard; and pathological cleaners and those who like to eat cookies in bed.
A vastly different attitude toward leisure and everyday life quickly turns love into hostility, sometimes even disgust. It doesn’t mean that you or your partner are bad. It means that initially, your paths shouldn’t have crossed and you didn’t realize it at the very beginning.
But this doesn’t mean that you should seek your potential partner among people with the exact same habits and tastes — finding common opinions regarding your general lifestyle will be enough.
Have you already met people like this? What other signs might indicate that you’re with the wrong partner? We’d be happy to hear from you in the comments!
Illustrated by Darya Barabanova for BrightSide.me