How I Decided to End a 10-Year-Long Relationship and See Myself From a Different Angle
According to statistics, almost 50% of all marriages in the world end in a divorce. I had never thought I would be in that half. I had always wanted to get married once, have children, raise them and live a long and happy life.
I met a person who I understood really well and we were a great couple. We spent 10 years together, but despite all this, our marriage ended in divorce. How could this have happened?
The author of this article shares her own experiences and feelings. We at Bright Side are convinced that our readers will be able to learn some valuable ideas from this article.
Before marriage, we talked about the future and I thought I knew the man I was getting married to.
My name is Eugene and I am 30 years old. In May, I had to make a painful but necessary decision to leave my husband who I had spent 1/3 of my life with. We didn’t stop loving each other. We had problems, of course, but we tried to stick together and we had a good life, probably just like everyone. Way before getting married, we planned our future and even chose the names of our children.
But during the first couple years of our marriage, we didn’t even think about children.
We just enjoyed our lives! We made presents for each other, we composed songs and ran around our apartment together. Both of us worked, and then my husband got the chance to develop his own business (and when it failed, there was another chance, and one more, and one more). I agreed to help my husband without thinking, and I let him do what he liked.
I worked hard. I had 2 jobs and sometimes didn’t have any days off while my husband was trying to do what he wanted.
Trust is one of the most basic things in any relationship, isn’t it?
During almost the entire time of our marriage (which was about 6 years), I had 2 jobs. I worked late, often without days off and I never forgot about keeping a nice home or my appearance. My husband supported me by eating simple food but not by trying to find an additional source of income. He slept a lot and had a lot of rest in order to have a “clear mind” that could generate new ideas for future projects. He was often away for some meetings, and I always tried to let him go when he wanted to see his friends.
I was faced with a difficult choice: either keep waiting or leave.
My husband started taking care of his health, and later he asked me to postpone pregnancy again. And soon, he told me that we didn’t need children at all (maybe sometime in the future) and as it turned out, children didn’t fit his picture of “freedom”. I was faced with a difficult choice: either keep waiting and hoping for him to change his mind or leave.
This was our cake from our third wedding anniversary.
Why did I need so much time to decide to divorce?
During these 10 years, I couldn’t imagine my life without this person. I knew that if I wanted to get more garlic to my plate, he would give me some from his. Just when I opened my mouth to ask a question, he almost always knew what I was going to say and answered.
The thought of seeing a completely different person in my home every day scared me. I thought it was impossible for me to love someone else.
I was scared that nobody would love me. Maybe I wasn’t the worst woman in the world but this was eating me from the inside.
It will change soon. I invested so much time and effort into this relationship! Losing it like this seemed to be a waste. And constant promises gave me an illusion that it would be alright soon.
What will other people think? I was really scared that everyone would just gossip about my life.
Why did I leave him in the end?
It was time for me to think about myself instead of letting someone else be free (even though I loved this person so much). Why didn’t I see this before? Love is blind and my faith in the happy ending was almost infinite. I was always ready to give my husband everything. I couldn’t make the decision for a long time and it was incredibly painful. But I did it when I realized I was the only one who wanted to grow in the relationship. I also realized that after almost 6 years of marriage, there was almost nothing I could remember except for work, waiting, being home, and taking a couple of trips together.
During the time that has passed since the divorce, I realized that being divorced is not a stigma.
I always tried to take care of my appearance. I noticed that men still see me. I have 2 degrees and I can talk about anything. I am a good housewife — I have my fair share of experience. And nobody is scared of divorced women, that’s for sure.
There is no way you can change a person, no matter how much you try, until they want to change. Maybe I should have realized this earlier, but it’s no use regretting that now.
My parents are the best example of a family for me.
You can meet new people at any time at any place. For example, 34 years ago, when my father was a student, he asked my mother for her phone number on a bus. You can come across attractive men on the street every day: single men, men without children, men with curly hair, bald men, etc. You can find someone you like. It’s not always easy, but it isn’t impossible either.
I have friends. When I had a really hard time, not only did my parents support me but also my closest friends, even those I didn’t think I could count on, like the friends of my husband. I was invited as a guest just like before. This was truly inspiring and I think that these people will stay with me for a long time.
Even broken bones won't make my friends cancel a meeting!
I realized that I could do anything. I felt as if I was a college graduate again. I have experience and now I can build my life again. I can walk any path: change my job, my haircut, the country, the planet (although this might be hard). I can learn something new and completely change my life!
Vacation! It's was time to go somewhere with a friend that I hadn't seen for 18 years.
It’s really hard to turn the page after 10 years of life.
Despite all the difficulties and the warm feelings I still have for my husband, I am happy I made this decision but I don’t regret the time I spent, because I was happy in a way.
My story may be useful for many people and make them analyze their own relationships and reconsider the role of every partner. Maybe you will realize that you are wasting time, that you are not with the right person. Or maybe you will want to hug your partner and understand how happy you really are!
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