11 Perfectly Normal Things People Shouldn’t Be Ashamed Of
Modern society only seems to be full of open-minded and evolved people. But in reality, people don’t really like those that are different from them which is no different than how it was 100 years ago. People still feel entitled to say things like, “She’s 30 years old and she still doesn’t have kids,” or other phrases like this, which are not very pleasant to hear, even from people we don’t care much about.
My name is Masha and I’ve made a list of ordinary things that people are still judged for. And I decided to tell Bright Side readers why I think it’s okay to do these things.
Mothers with smartphones
People believe that a good mother is supposed to watch her child on the playground instead of checking her phone. I’m not perfect and I often get distracted by my phone while my son is playing with his friends. I guess I should be ashamed of this, but I’m not. First, a 5-year-old doesn’t need as much attention as a baby, and second, a modern mother has a lot of important reasons to be on her phone.
Someone is texting me from work, then my son’s teacher tells everyone that we need to bring a picture, handmade using natural materials, by tomorrow (right “on time”), a delivery guy from an order I placed tells me he’ll arrive in an hour, so we have to get moving.
By Christmas, I need to choose and buy presents for everyone, not to mention pay my taxes, and make an appointment with the pediatrician for my son. In most families, women are the ones who have to deal with these problems. Very often, using their phones. So, why do mothers with phones make people so angry?
Good clothes for home
Many people are used to dressing up for others when they are outside and wearing old rags when they are at home, where their loved ones see them. I always saw my mother wearing some old robe, and I only wore old T-shirts and stretched out pants at home. Of course, it’s comfortable and it’s okay if you stain these clothes while cooking, but you definitely don’t want to look at yourself in the mirror.
In the spring, I started working from home and I spend 90% of my time at home. So, my husband and my son see me, and I see myself in my home clothes. Because of this, I’ve ordered several comfortable and good-looking clothing items to wear at home. My mom was shocked, “They are new. Why are you wearing them at home?” I’m okay with that. I’d rather not buy another dress than wear old pants again.
Haircuts and hair coloring at expensive salons
I recently bumped into my neighbor: she looked stunning, as if she were 10 years younger. I didn’t understand what happened at first, but then I realized: a new haircut and an unusual hair color had turned Ann into a noble lady. It turned out that on her 40th birthday, she went to the best hairstylist in town and spent a lot of money, but it was worth it.
She told me how her relatives took the changes. At the party, everyone loved the hair and the transformation, until they found out how much it cost. Someone even said that they could live a month off this money.
Ann told me that she even felt a bit ashamed for a moment for spending so much money, but then she walked past a mirror, saw her reflection, and understood: it was her day, her money, her hair, and her life. You can do this sometimes. Nothing makes a woman look as great as a happy smile and feeling that she is attractive.
Defending your own rights
My friends often say, “Why do you have to do this?” I just want to live in a comfortable environment. This is why I always have plastic bags for dog owners and I always ask them to clean up after their pets. When I’m at a supermarket, I ask the cashier to sell the products at the price that the price tag said, not more because “they forgot to change the tags.”
When a boss that nobody argues with regularly makes you stay late or work on the weekends (without paying you more, of course), I don’t think you should have to tolerate this. He is stealing your time. Colleagues say that he’ll fire me, but I’m not a slave.
I’d rather be an employee whose rights are respected, than be someone who is praised for working tirelessly for free. I have the right to rest and do as I please. And I plan to use all these rights.
2 years ago, I bought very good quality winter shoes. I spent 1/3 of my monthly income on them. When my friends asked me how much my shoes cost, I told them the truth. And they were shocked and said that even though the shoes were great, I could’ve bought something cheaper.
But I’m 30+ now and I know that good shoes are not just a silly waste of money, it’s taking care of your health. In these 2 years in my expensive and warm shoes, I’ve never fallen down on ice, I’ve never been cold, and I’ve saved a lot of money on medications for my back and my joints.
When I was a child every Saturday started with cleaning up, which is why I always hated the sixth day of the week with all my heart. After that, I lived alone for a long time and I did the cleaning only when I felt like it. After I got married, I felt guilty because I wasn’t a good wife: I didn’t clean the chandeliers more often than once a year.
At that point, I decided to call a cleaning service and left home for 4 hours. When I returned, I was shocked: the apartment was sparkling clean, and the 2 ladies were smiling when they saw my face. I didn’t care about the money: I would never get the place this clean even for 3 times the money I paid. Now, once a month, a cleaning service comes and cleans my apartment.
My husband was against it at first, “Can’t you do it yourself? My mom...” But when he saw the result, he realized it was worth it. We didn’t tell his mom because we know what her reaction would be.
Things you “can’t afford”
Honestly, in the past, I also thought it was funny when people bought new iPhones or spent all their income at a restaurant and then didn’t have money until their next paycheck. But as I got older, I realized that people have to have dreams and that they should try to make them come true no matter how silly they might look to someone else.
My ex-colleague Sarah really wanted a fur coat. She even saw it in her dreams. She’d been saving for it for a long time and finally got it. She still took the bus to work because she couldn’t drive and she had no money for a taxi. Everyone laughed at her because she had a really expensive coat she wore on the bus, but she was happy. And it doesn’t matter what others think as long as your dreams come true.
Too simple / too fancy wedding
Only the bride and the groom should be the ones deciding how to celebrate their wedding day, but no — others always want to interfere. My husband and I didn’t want a big wedding, so we only invited 12 of our closest friends, including our parents, and we were happy. Our distant relatives are still bitter because we “didn’t want to spend money on the wedding.”
My husband’s best friend threw a huge party. He even got a loan to pay for it. But now everyone is criticizing him for celebrating for 3 days and paying for it for 3 years. So, when you are planning a wedding, just think about what the 2 of you want, not what others tell you that you should want.
Many children / no children
With children, it’s even worse than with a wedding. Our friends don’t want to become parents. They are good together. Their parents keep telling them, “You’re selfish, you only think about yourselves.” They want to have grandchildren but our friends don’t want to have kids. They were so tired of the complaints that they even told everyone that they were infertile. Now, everyone feels sorry for them.
At the same time, having more than 3 children is another reason to talk about someone. Like, why do they need so many kids, and do they even know how to use birth control? Even if these big families have enough money, people are still suspicious of them — 7 kids in the 21st century?
Not wanting to have people over
Once, when my husband and I lived in a one-bedroom apartment, my relative called me with an unusual request. Her daughter and her daughter’s husband were going to come to our town for a week and wanted to stay at our place. I refused. I didn’t know the relatives well —we were never close, and I hate having other people in my place.
I’m not the best host, and many people have told me that. My home is my fortress and only my closest loved ones can come and visit. I’m happy to see them. Everyone else can see me at any other place without violating my privacy.
Being indifferent to beauty standards
The ideals of female beauty are constantly changing and different sources of information keep telling us what is “beautiful” and what isn’t. If you go to the gym, you should train your butt, because “biceps are for guys.” Long hair is feminine, and short hair is ugly. You have to wear dresses and high heels.
In the past, I had a lot of skirts and fancy shoes in my wardrobe, but today I mostly wear jeans and sneakers — even in the summer. I feel better this way. My mom is shocked because I was really girly before and now I’m different. But I feel like a girl in any clothes I wear.
What perfectly normal things are you judged for by people you know?