10 Troubling Signs You And Your Partner Are Heading To Divorce

The three top reasons couples get divorced are infidelity, a lack of connection, and money woes. The end doesn’t always come quickly, though, as it takes years of bad habits and disconnection to make the final decision. Let’s see a few of the little habits and things that may lead to a breakup if you don’t pay attention to them early on.

1. You don't accept their annoying habits

When couples start living together, that’s when they notice every quirk and habit that gets on their nerves – leaving dirty socks on the floor, chewing too loud, taking too long to get ready, and the list goes on.

One way for couples to avoid driving each other crazy is to find ways of dealing with these annoying habits. Licensed clinical psychologist Daphne de Marneffe, Ph.D., also recommends assessing if the pet peeve can easily be ignored, or if it's a deal-breaker that needs to be discussed.

2. The emotional tone of your voice

A computer algorithm can forecast the likelihood of a marriage succeeding with 79% accuracy, based solely on the tone of voice between spouses during their conversations. Researchers studied the interactions of over 100 couples who were attending therapy, tracking their relationship status over a five-year period.

The findings revealed that factors like intensity, pitch, "jitter," and "shimmer" can reflect emotional intensity. Scientists explain, “The way something is said is just as crucial as the content itself, and our research supports this in the context of couples' relationships.”

3. You stonewall each other

Most of us have probably experienced a moment where our partner has started building a wall and doesn't want to talk or solve a problem. It seems like they don't care at all and are just ignoring you.

Dr. John Gottman says that 80% of men are like this. It looks like he doesn't care, but actually, he really does. It is important to learn how to identify the signs of when your spouse is emotionally overwhelmed and to not push them. If the problem needs to be discussed it is always better to pick the right time when you are more calm.

4. You talk negatively about your exes

A dark past and disrespectful words about ex-partners are very alarming signs. Alas, many people prefer not to notice them or simply interpret them in a romantic manner. "He never speaks about the last 5 years of his life, he is such a mysterious man," or "Her husband didn't appreciate her, that's why she was cheating on him, but I will show her what true love is."

If a person doesn't speak about their past, they may be hiding shameful things that would be better to warn their partner about. If he or she is pouring dirt on their exes and bragging about how masterfully they took revenge on them, you can be sure that they'll do the same thing to their other partners as well.

5. Avoiding conflicts

John Gottman identified four key behaviors that predict the likelihood of divorce: contempt, adopting a victim mindset, being overly critical, and avoiding conflicts. While these "Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse" may appear harmless at first, they can be a very harmful pattern in relationships. Imagine you're ready to have an honest discussion about an issue that's been bothering you, but your partner suddenly withdraws from the conversation.

It might seem like avoiding confrontation could keep the peace, but that's a misconception. While arguments and disagreements aren't ideal, they play a crucial role in resolving issues. They are necessary for addressing unresolved problems. If these discussions continue to be avoided, frustrations will accumulate and remain unaddressed.

6. Negative attitude toward his your partner's friends

Scientists analyzed the relationship of 373 couples, over 16 years of marriage. It turned out that 46% of couples had divorced by their 16th year of the marriage, and oftentimes the husband’s criticism of his wife’s friends in the first year of their marriage predicted that break in the future.

According to scientists, this is due to the fact that relationships between women and their friends, which are characterized by emotional closeness and support, last longer, while male friendship more often depends on joint activities. Accordingly, it is easier for men to change the circle of their communication and more difficult to come to terms with their wife’s friends, who they find unpleasant.

7. You are surprised by their sudden changes in attitude

You find everything that your partner says or does out of character for them. There's such a strong lack of communication that you've even stopped keeping in touch with each other. The thing is, we never stop growing or changing, so if you're out of touch with their opinions or tastes, this should be a sign.

To solve this, ask them how they're doing once a week, what was something that surprised them in the last few days, or what made an impression on them. Also, try watching at least one movie together during the week and discussing what you've seen.

8. You criticize their choices

Some individuals may not take the lead or prefer to meet in the middle — this is completely normal. However, a toxic person not only avoids making decisions but also agrees with their partner's choices, only to later blame them for any negative outcomes.

This person might ask their partner to pick a restaurant or decide on a route, but in the end, they'll be dissatisfied. The food will taste bland, the service will be poor, the weather will be awful, and overall, they'll deem the experience a waste of time. They will quickly find fault and blame their partner for everything that went wrong.

9. Sleeping together even when you don't like it

During the night, our brain cycles through the stages of sleep several times: light sleep, deep sleep, and REM (Rapid eye movement sleep). But when you interrupt the cycle by waking up during the night, it means that your brain spends more time in the light sleep stage and misses out on REM. And without sufficient REM your emotional well-being and cognitive performance suffer.

Interrupted sleep can also have short and long-term health consequences, like hypertension, weight-related issues, mental health problems, reduced quality of life, and other health-related issues.

10. Your silences are no longer comfortable

Remember the times when just being around them, doing nothing, was enough? Ideally, this feeling should never stop, couples should be comfortable around each other even if they're busy doing separate things.

To overcome this challenge, start slowly by doing one thing a week together, it can be playing board games, watching TV or a movie, or even cooking together. Do something you can talk about when those silences hit.

Being happy in your relationship isn’t the same for everyone. People have different needs and happiness isn’t uniform for all. However, there are some things most happy couples do before they go to bed you might also find useful.