12 Witty Comebacks That Were So Sharp, They Silenced the Room

There’s a rare kind of silence, that doesn’t come from awkwardness, but from awe. It follows a perfectly timed comeback, the kind so sharp it could slice tension in half. No yelling, no drama, just one clever line that hits its mark and leaves the room breathless. These 12 zingers didn’t just win arguments, they ended them.

• I’m tall, so when people use that old joke, “How’s the weather up there?”, I always fire back, “Better than the jokes down there.” © piaria / Reddit

• I’m pregnant, and I constantly get comments about my weight or how big I look. It gets old fast. Normally, if it’s a light joke, I let it slide. But the last time someone said it, not in a kind or funny way, I didn’t hold back.
  I said, “I look huge because I’m pregnant. What’s your excuse?”
  They had nothing to say after that. © Kthulhu42 / Reddit

• I miss my late uncle. He was the wittiest person I ever knew, not a joke-teller, just brilliant with one-line comebacks that were never mean, just genuinely funny.
  My favorite was when he went out to a diner with my aunt (his wife) and my mom, just the three of them. The waitress smiled and said, “Lucky you, getting to eat with two ladies!”
  My uncle replied, “Yes! But can you hurry it up? I have to get home to my wife!” © dabobbo / Reddit

• I let some people use the meeting room in my office for their “business” meetings in the evenings for a couple of weeks. I told that they couldn’t use the Wi-Fi for security reasons.
  My wife works with me, and one evening she stayed at the office while the group was there. A guy I’d never met walked up to her with an entitled attitude and said, “I need the Wi-Fi password. Give it to me.”
  She told him he couldn’t have it. He replied, “Your boss said we could use it. You know him, right? I don’t want to call him and get you in trouble for not giving me the password.”
  My wife’s response, “Yes, I know him. I sleep in the same bed with him every night. Go ahead and call him, let’s see how that conversation goes.” © Universal_Cognition / Reddit

• Overly condescending boss, peering over my work, “Can I ask a stupid question?”
  Me, in my final week, “You seem qualified.” © B***DrinkinGreg / Reddit

• Overheard:
  Guy #1 (the bragger), “I just landed a great new job, over 100 guys under me.”
  Guy #2 (deadpan), “What, you mowing lawns at a cemetery?” © Mrs-Crab / Reddit

• I had a kiosk hawker try to get me to try his eyeglass spray. It was supposed to be antifog or something.
  I looked straight at him with a very serious face and said, “I don’t wear glasses.” He looked confused and barely managed to say, “You’re wearing them right now,” when I quickly replied, in an offended voice, “No, I’m not!”
  After that, he gave up. The key to a witty answer is to commit to the lie, make it seem like you actually believe it. No one wants to argue with the delusional. © Kahoots113 / Reddit

• When I was 13, I was in dance class with some older, catty girls. One of them kept picking on me, and it ended with her snapping, “Bite me.”
  I calmly replied, “I’m trying to cut fat from my diet.”
  The entire dance team gasped and scolded me for being mean, but honestly, it served her right. © xNyxx / Reddit

• My grandfather passed away well before his time, and for years after, my grandmother kept getting calls for him. One telemarketing firm was especially relentless.
  One day, a condescending salesperson called and demanded, “Put the man of the house on the line.” Normally polite to a fault, my grandmother didn’t miss a beat.
  She replied, “Well, as soon as he comes back from the dead, I’ll have him call you,” and slammed the phone.
  They never called again. © SpawnOfSay10 / Reddit

• My daughter (4) turns the aisle into her dancing stage, every time we’re at the store. People usually smile, until last time an older woman gave us a nasty look and said, “Your mom should teach you some manners.”
  My daughter calmly replied, “Tell your husband to stop clapping me like a fanboy, then.”

• Before you read on, just know my relationship with my 14-year-old son is built entirely on playful teasing.
  I said a bad word (don’t remember which or why).
  He smirked and said, “You’re a horrible mother.”
  I shot back, “If I’m so horrible, how did you turn out so awesome?”
  Without missing a beat, “I spent a lot of time with Dad.” © Opandemonium / Reddit

• At a Chinese restaurant with my overweight friend, the waitress came over and asked, “Would you like any wonton soup?”
  Without missing a beat, he grinned and said, “Look at me. I’ll take two tons of it.”
  Dude had quick wit. © pbr4me / Reddit

I was flying when I heard a woman behind me say, “I flew to Europe with Phil last weekend.” My heart stopped. That’s my husband’s name. He was in Europe last weekend. “He still can’t leave his wife. They just bought a house.” We did. Shaking, I turned around and said... Click here to read the story.