15+ Outrageously Funny Marriage Tips That Actually Work

They say marriage is hard work, but no one told us it would involve arguing about how to load the dishwasher correctly. Luckily, the internet is full of married folks who’ve mastered the art of combining wisdom with wit. These hilarious tips might sound like jokes, but they might also save your marriage—try them and see!

• “My husband and l have a secret to making our marriage last. Twice a week we go to a nice restaurant, eat good food, and enjoy companionship. He goes on Tuesdays, I go on Fridays.” elainesim28 / X
• “Whenever I don’t want to listen to a song I in the car with my wife I lean over and whisper “my ex loves this song.” Tbone7219 / X
• “To be fair, everything probably was "fine." Until she heard him muttering under his breath as he was walking away.” ddsmidt / X

• “I like to keep the mystery alive in our relationship by not answering my husband whenever he asks me “What's for dinner?”” allholls/ X
• “Marriage is between two people, one who falls asleep with TV volume on low and one who wants it blaringly loud.” ElyKreimendahl / X
• “IKEA needs to provide better descriptions on their furniture like, what is the divorce rate on assembling this tv stand?” mommajessiec / X

• “So I just learned after 27 years of “umm…sure, I guess so, yeah, but the other one looked nice too” I have been fired as my wife’s fashion consultant, and my daughter now has that job.” bader_diedrich / X
• “DATING: Goodnight
  ENGAGED: Sweet dreams
  MARRIED: Is the car locked?” mommajessiec / X
• “Not sure if my wife didn't hear me say I was coming down with a cold or if she is ignoring me. Guess I'd better mention it another 67 times.” imoncholland / X

• “You know it’s love when their snoring makes you feel comfort.” emannTareq / X
• “Wife: is that what you’re wearing?
  Me: I guess not.” simoncholland / X
• “Instead of my husband asking me what I want to watch, he asks me what I want to fall asleep to & that pretty much sums up a marriage.” sarcasticmommy4 / X

• “Being a husband means that sometimes you are required to answer questions like, “What’s the name of the guy from the place who does the thing?”” Mommy__Owl / X
• “You may be married but you aren’t married married until you are in a home furnishings store together and you brought your own tape measure.” simoncholland / X
• “My husband texted me from Costco to let me know there was a long line & I think he was looking for me to say “don’t worry about it, just come home” but instead I said “don’t forget the ice.”” sarcasticmommy4 / X

• “Having your own bed while married is crazy—got my body plopped in the middle—-remote on one side—iPad on the other—bag of Snickers over yonder.” traciebreaux / X
• “About 30% of my marriage is convincing my husband something was his idea so I don’t have to do it.” sixfootcandy / X
• “You know you’ve given the husband a bad chore when he tries to get out of it by doing dishes.” nikalamity / X

Marriage isn’t the only part of life that sparks hilariously relatable insights. If these tips gave you a good laugh, you’ll love diving into the brilliant (and sometimes painfully accurate) takes people have about navigating today’s world. Check out these sharp and witty observations.