He Doesn’t Want Me to Accept My Promotion, I Finally See His True Colors

Have you ever found yourself standing at a crossroads, wondering if a dazzling new opportunity is worth the price of something — or someone — you love? A woman shared her story on Reddit, explaining how her boyfriend had always been controlling her. She is finally realizing it and is ready to do something about it.

I want to accept a promotion even though my boyfriend says it’s not the kind of life he wants.

I (25F) just got offered a pretty huge promotion at work, from being a coordinator for one business unit to becoming a global coordinator. It’s a big jump, both in responsibilities and salary. I’ve been promoted every year since I started here (it’s been 3 years), and this role is honestly something I never thought I’d reach this soon. It would be a big deal financially and career-wise.

The only catch is that it involves some travel. The company is actually trying to reduce travel costs, so it wouldn’t be constant. We have four business units in different parts of the world (Europe, Asia, and South America), and I’d probably go to each once a year, for about a week each. So, in total, like four weeks a year.

My boyfriend (32M) is not really okay with that. He didn’t give me a direct ultimatum. But when I brought it up again after he already told me how he felt, he basically said that if I keep pushing for something he’s clearly not comfortable with, then I must know what I truly want and that I should just pack my bags and leave.

It really hurt to hear that. I get where he’s coming from, as he wants a stable life, someone more family-focused, and he’s been upfront about that since the beginning. But so have I about not wanting kids until 30.

Thing is, I’ve started to care more about those values too since being with him. But at the same time, I’ve always dreamed of having a successful career. I’ve worked a lot for this. And honestly, if teenage me could see where I could head towards now, doing work I love, getting recognition, making good money, and even getting to travel — she’d be amazed by the opportunity.

I don’t want to choose between love and ambition. I really care about him and I don’t want to lose what we have. But I also don’t want to say no to something I’ve wanted for so long and then spend years wondering “What if.”

He is starting to bring up other issues, not just the traveling. He does not like that I might need to adjust my working hours to match other time zones. While that is partly true, I would still only work 8 hours a day, just maybe on a different schedule once a week.

He is also worried about the people I might meet, especially the men. He does not like the idea of me going to dinners with clients. Or sleeping in hotel rooms alone, because he might not be able to join me on each work trip (also, he told me he won’t accept me going to dinners while he waits for me in the hotel room).

He does not like me talking to coworkers during breaks, which is why he insists I call him on every break I get. He gets annoyed if I do not reply to his texts right away or if it takes me 30 minutes to answer.

He wants me to send him my calendar daily so he knows exactly when I have meetings. And if I do not let him know about every single work-related conversation with men, whether it is with coworkers, suppliers, or trainers, he gets upset and says I am hiding things.

For anyone wondering how I didn’t see it until now, I honestly think it was gaslighting. At first, everything felt amazing. But even in the first couple of months, I noticed he was kinda possessive, but then I thought he was sweet and caring, especially coming from a relationship with a distant, cold, and indifferent boyfriend.

He quickly started pushing me away from all my guy friends. Within six months, I had blocked literally all of them. We moved in together, and he slowly started micromanaging my whole life.

When he was at work (13 hours without his phone), he expected me to write to him down in our Instagram convo everything I did — like when I left the house, went to the store, had an appointment, got home, so he could basically see a full timeline of my day.

He started giving opinions on how I looked. Told me I lost too much weight. I left him twice. Packed my stuff, and went back to my parents. And I came back both times.

I’ve had health issues every couple of months since moving in with him the first time. Before him, I was almost never sick.

Now I see things clearer. Tomorrow I have a session with my therapist — the same one we saw in couples therapy. She knows the dynamic. We’re going to work on a safe exit plan. I’m scared, but I know this has to end.

That was a wild story, and Redditors had a lot to say about it.

• If you turn this opportunity down, you likely won’t be offered it again. If you don’t want kids for 5 more years, you have to take it. Can you imagine losing this opportunity and then breaking up anyway for done other reason in the future? You want it, do yourself right, and do not put his wants before your own. © Gohomeyur*** / Reddit
• I was offered an opportunity like yours, international travel, an awesome job, great pay at the age of 20. I turned it down for a guy.
  I’m in my 40s now. I regret every single day not taking that opportunity. No other opportunity like it has EVER come up again. I can do work I like, but it took me 20 years to get to a place I’m happy with.
  But I still kick myself for turning down that job and playing the “What if” game. It kept me up for years, the regret. DON’T BE ME!!! Please take this opportunity, take this job, and live the best life you can.
  Guys come and go, this one definitely sounds like he would look better from across an ocean. If he can’t support your dreams he will give you nightmares. © HeyPrettyLadyMaam / Reddit
• I bet the salary bump is the real issue for him, but he’s using travel as an excuse. Will OP make more than him, destroying his ability to convince her to quit her job, stay home with kids, and be unable to leave him? © boringgrill135797531 / Reddit
• Yeah, my wife has a travel schedule like this and we have two kids. It’s a bit of a pain sometimes when they each have a different activity on opposite sides of town, but it’s only a week. © enigmanaught / Reddit

Sometimes relationships make people’s lives very difficult. Like this woman who kept looking for her missing items until she put on a secret camera to see what was going on. Her assumption that her boyfriend had something to do with it was confirmed!