I Blew Up Because My Girlfriend’s Kids Are Constantly Wasting Food

One of our readers sent us a letter seeking advice on what to do when his girlfriend’s kids keep throwing away good food. He doesn’t want this to be the final straw in their relationship.

We received a letter from Mike.

Mike, 36, told us his story that may resonate with many. He opened his letter, saying, “Hi Bright Side! I’ve seen so many people writing you to get help and clarity, so I decided to be brave and tell you my story.” He then followed to explain what happened to him, “I’ve been dating a woman for more than 3 years. She has 2 kids, which I adore. But what has been bugging me is that we deal with money in different ways.”

He then continued, "She always struggled financially, which I don't mind because I know how hard it must be to be a single mother of two. So I decided to help pay for her groceries. Since the beginning of our relationship, I noticed that she allows her kids to choose whatever they want. I saw food expiring on her pantry a lot of times."

Mike goes on with his story, revealing, "Recently, we went to the supermarket and the kids picked tons of cookies. When we arrived at her home, I saw in her pantry cookies with bugs on them. I flipped out. When the kids went out to play, I talked to her about what kept happening, but she told me I was overreacting."

He told us his big plans, "Although this bothered me in the past, now it's becoming more unbearable because I want to ask her and her kids to move in with me. I don't want this kind of behavior in our home. I grew up poor, so buying unnecessary food and wasting it is a big red flag to me. What should I do?"

Here’s what we suggest you to do:

Communicate calmly

• Choose the Right Time: Next time, find a calm moment to discuss your concerns with your girlfriend when the kids are not around.
• Express Feelings: Use "I" statements to express your feelings without sounding accusatory. For example, "I feel upset when food is wasted because I care about our budget and the environment."

Understand the kids' perspective

• Talk to the Kids: Depending on their age, have a gentle conversation with the kids about food waste. Explain why it bothers you and why it's important to avoid waste.
• Listen to Them: Understand if there are specific reasons why they might be wasting food, such as not liking certain foods, being served too much, or simply not understanding the importance of conservation.

Establish rules and guidelines

• Create House Rules: Establish clear guidelines about food portions and waste. For example, encourage taking smaller portions and going back for seconds if still hungry.
• Involve the Kids: Get the kids involved in meal planning and preparation. This can give them a sense of responsibility and appreciation for the food.

Positive reinforcement

• Reward System: Create a reward system for when the kids successfully avoid wasting food. Rewards can be simple, like stickers or extra playtime.
• Praise Efforts: Acknowledge and praise their efforts when they do well in managing their food and reducing waste.

Stay consistent

• Be Patient: Change won't happen overnight. Consistency and patience are key.
• Reinforce Rules: Continuously reinforce the importance of the rules and the reasons behind them.

Handling the issue calmly and constructively can not only help reduce food waste but also strengthen your relationship with your girlfriend and her kids by showing that you care and are willing to work together as a family.