Our reader, Adam, 42, wrote us a letter and shared his story, that seems to be quite painful for him personally. The man is still grieving his beloved late wife, and now he has a conflict with his eldest daughter because of a wedding dress she wants to wear to her wedding. The dress belongs to the man’s late wife, and he has a very serious reason to object against his daughter wearing mom’s dress at her own ceremony. But the whole family is now rejecting him because of his justified decision.
Adam opened his letter, saying, “My late wife, Emily, was my school sweetheart. We’d known each other for so many years before we finally got married. Our wedding day has always been and will always be the brightest memory in my life. Emily was so beautiful in her wedding dress, and I remember I even cried when I saw her wearing it for the first time.”
Adam revealed, “Emily passed away last year. Her death was sudden, she just fell down to the ground on the street and died immediately. The ambulance couldn’t do anything but confirm her death. To me, her passing was almost the end of my life. I am still in my early grief, and I haven’t even fully realized that Emily’s gone forever now.”
The man wrote, “We have 3 daughters, the eldest one, Gerry, got engaged recently. She’s getting married soon and this probably should count as a happy event in our family, but in our case it has become a beginning of an endless argument between me and her.”
Adam goes on with his story, saying, "Recently, Gerry approached me and told me that she wants to wear Emily's wedding dress to her wedding. I immediately told her it wouldn’t be a good idea. Apart from the fact that I don't want anyone, even my own daughter, to even touch this dress, I have another reason for being so protective of my late wife's clothes."
Adam revealed, "My late wife's wedding dress has a special story. Emily had made it on her own, by hand. She had spent 2 months on making it, and she wouldn't let anyone help her, even her grandmother, whom she dearly loved."
The man explained why his late wife insisted on making her wedding dress on her own. He wrote, "While Emily and I were just dating, she fell pregnant. We were happy about this news, though we both were relatively young and had a whole life ahead of us, none of us accepted kids as an obstacle. We were totally thrilled and on a cloud nine.
We shared the news with our parents, and they did support us in everything, they said they would help us with the baby, and we were sure that we'd have a wonderful life as newlyweds and parents. We even had a name for the baby already, we wanted to name her Emily, just like her mother. But then, a tragedy followed, and Emily gave birth to a girl, who died in the hospital 2 hours after her birth."
Adam continues, saying, "Emily insisted that we should honor the memory of our baby, and she asked medical workers to make our daughter's footprint on some piece of clay for us. This piece of clay with a footprint was later put into a small sack and sewn into Emily's wedding dress. This was the way to honor our baby daughter's memory, and Emily insisted that this was important for her at that time."
Adam revealed, "None of our daughters knew about this, because we had kept it a secret from them. When we had another conversation with Gerry about the dress, I forbade her to even touch it, let alone wear it during her wedding. I simply explained it to her that she can’t wear the dress because her mom wouldn't want her to do it. Gerry instantly became furious, she started calling me names, saying that I'm a bad father and that I am gatekeeping my wife’s things."
Adam suggested his daughter to wear something else instead. The man wrote, "I told her no again, and then I said that I don't object, and she can wear some of her late mom's jewelry. But she wouldn't even listen, she insisted on wearing that dress, and she even started blaming me of ruining her wedding."
The man confessed, "I tried to approach her a million times, offering her various options instead of that crazy idea about wearing Emily's dress. I suggested that I would buy her a very expensive designer dress, I offered her to pay for her wedding, I even wanted to buy her some nice jewelry as my present to her on her special day. But she doesn't even talk to me about these options, and she's now working hard on making things even worse between us two and between me and the rest of our family."
Adam goes on with his letter, saying, "Now, all of my daughters are against me, out of their solidarity with their sister. Even my parents are judging me, they say the dress is only a piece of fabric and there's nothing to fight about with my own daughter. They insist that I must stop prohibiting my daughter from wearing her mom's dress, and they say it will be an honor of her memory."
But Adam's position is solid. The man explains, "Emily would never allow anyone to touch her wedding dress. I believe I shouldn't even explain to Gerry, why I am so persistent in prohibiting her to wear it. I think my daughter shouldn't know about this painful memory, she must accept my will as it is. Now, I am totally lost, because I'm expected to make a decision which I can't make, and if I insist on it, I will lose my daughter's trust. What should I do?"
And here’s yet another dramatic wedding story of a woman, who got deeply humiliated by her own husband at her own wedding. But the woman didn’t leave it as it is, and her revenge was instant and painful.
NTA. I know you’re grieving but ask yourself, would your wife have wanted her Daughter to wear her wedding dress on her wedding day. For your daughter, wearing her mums dress would make her feel that she has a part of her mother with her. I would make sure your daughter understands that you want the dress back, seeing your daughter in the dress may help you with your grieving process.
Ultimately the decision is yours .
Rather than taking the position that "I am right, you are wrong," let me suggest that you consider telling your daughter the reasons you don't want the dress worn...the baby story is an effective way to communicate your position and really shouldn't be withheld from your children. Also, getting this story out in the open will get it off of your chest. I am also grieving (my adult daughter died recently) and the more I can talk about my memories, the easier it is for me to move on.
Remove the clay footprint from the dress, put it somewhere safe, and let her wear the dress.
I understand exactly why you don't want to let your daughter where the dress, but I do feel that she would totally understand if you told her the truth. Don't ruin the relationship with your family.
