I Refuse to Be My Stepson’s 24/7 Uber—I’m His Stepdad, Not His Driver

You seem to need to get some rest

Hi Bright Side,

My name is Tom, I’m 42, and I married my wife in 2023. Her son is 16, and I’ve never felt a natural bond with him. I’ve tried, really tried, to be a supportive stepdad, but I can’t replace his real father. I’ve always been willing to help, but I’ve made it clear that I have limits, limits he doesn’t seem to understand.

Yesterday at 11 p.m., I was finally in bed after a long day, ready to unwind. My phone rang. It was him, asking me to drive him to the airport. My first instinct was anger, but I tried to stay calm.

I told him I couldn’t, that it was too late, that he should have planned ahead. He called me a “disgrace,” a “bad stepdad,” and every insult in his teenage arsenal. He even said I didn’t care about him at all.

I felt my chest tighten. Part of me wanted to yell back, to throw the phone across the room, but another part knew giving in would teach him that I exist only to serve him on demand.

Then my wife called. She thanked me, saying I was right to stand my ground, that he needs to learn responsibility. But hearing her calm voice didn’t erase the anger and frustration boiling inside me.

I love my family (my wife, her son, and my life with them), but this constant pressure is exhausting. I’m supposed to be a father figure, a mentor, someone he can rely on, but not a 24/7 driver or problem solver. I want to be kind, empathetic, and supportive, but I’m human too. I can’t sacrifice my sleep, my health, and my peace every single time he demands something.

So I’m stuck. I don’t want to hurt him, I don’t want to create conflict, but I also can’t be the person who’s walked over. I keep wondering: am I being too harsh, or am I finally doing the hard but necessary thing for both of us?

— Tom

Marley Carter

4 weeks ago

Jason is right. The boy is a teenager, and this is how they act. He would have treated his biological father the same way. They test boundaries and have temper tantrums when the answer is no. They try to push your buttons and see what you do. There is a great sign which reads, "Your failure to plan ahead does not mean an emergency on my part."

Jason

I'm sorry you're in that place but keep in mind, he is a teenager and this is how it works unfortunately. Granted I dont know the full story of your relationship but this is what teenagers do. Maybe he did have it all figured out and he was in a situation where those plans fell through. HOWEVER his temperament and name calling, id sit and have a conversation with his mom and him saying that you are there to help support them and be a family but you will not be walked over or talked to like that or the support system will be removed for him. One and only one warning. He's a spoiled entitled little sh*t and its time to experience the real world.

Question.. its 11pm and you're in bed and your wife calls you after he calls you, assuming it was almost immediate. Do yall not live together or does she work nights?

Billie Cox

I'm sorry, what did you think raising a teenager was like? If this was a custodial thing, you definitely did wrong. Send him in a ride share. Name a job he has to complete on his return or he loses that privilege. That actually teaches responsibility. A teen's brain matures in the mid to late twenties. You have to teach them to manage their time, it does not happen in a vacuum. You like the idea of a family, not the sacrifice and inconvenience it takes to have one. It rarely is like the picture you have in your head. My friend said "You do not have children for graditude".

Jason

Billie Cox

I agree for the most part but the kids attitude is unacceptable and needs to be addressed. I dont have a problem telling people where to go and how to get there if that attitude comes my way. There is zero instance for attacking anybody like that for no reason especially because you didnt get what you wanted.

Ohh, you married her in 2023, and the kid is 16, you knew what you were getting into! Tommy, you're trying to set rules for a teenager who is almost an adult, and you're surprised he's pushing back? Lol, you waited too long to be anything but a strict figure, and that's why he doesn't respect your "limits." Again, he needed to go to the AIRPORT!!! Not a supermarket, right?

Cheryl Cadwell

Excuse you. WHAT TEENAGER NEEDS A RIDE TO THE AIRPORT, WITHOUT ANY PARENT EVEN KNOWING? Where was he going? Marrying someone who has a child, no matter the age, is a recipe for discord and pushback. But someone dropped the ball here.

Sheena Nixon

3 weeks ago

He's a stepparent not a chauffeur. Why couldn't his stepson ask his mother? Step-dad is allowed to have boundaries.

I love how you're playing the "I'm human too" card. You're exhausted? You're being walked over? Give me a break, Tom. You're the adult, and you're the one who is constantly bringing up these "limits." You sound like you want credit just for showing up. Lol, stop whining about your "peace" and start realizing that fatherhood, even step-fatherhood, isn't always convenient!!! He needed you!

Sheena Nixon

3 weeks ago

He can ask his damned mother or take a bus. Tom is allowed to have boundaries with his stepson. Stepson does not get to walk all over Tom just because he married his mother. Stepson is an entitled brat.

Tom, thank you for sharing this so openly. What you’re feeling is completely valid, and even fear of being “the bad guy” is normal when stepping into the role of a stepfather.

Remember, you are not his chauffeur; you are a mentor, a guide, and a source of love and stability. That’s a lot more important than making him happy in the moment. We firmly believe that you shouldn’t try to replace his dad. You should be you, that’s it.

It’s okay to be firm while showing empathy. Explain calmly why you can’t drop everything at 11 p.m., and give examples of what is reasonable to expect. Align with your spouse so you present a united front, and children respond best to consistent rules. This protects your relationship and your sanity.

Finally, remind yourself of a simple truth: you can be kind without being a doormat. Step-parenting is one of the hardest roles there is, and setting limits doesn’t make you unloving.

In fact, teaching responsibility through boundaries is one of the most compassionate things you can do for a teenager. Your love, guidance, and patience are your superpowers. Don’t let anyone make you forget that.

Stepparents: What’s the most common struggle you face with schedules, boundaries, or expectations? Drop your stories and advice below in the comments.

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Ahhh, so you're the guy who lets his wife pat him on the back for not helping, lol. You stood your ground? No, you hid behind the phone and let your wife clean up the mess with her "calm voice." You say you want to be a mentor, but you act like a reluctant roommate. If you wanted a bond, you wouldn't need your wife to validate your failure to show up for the kid.

Tom, you spend half the letter insisting you want to be "kind, empathetic, and supportive," but your immediate action was to be rigid and angry. Lol, you're talking a great game about being a "father figure" but acting like a some landlord. Stop trying to look like the good guy here; your feelings of anger and frustration are what the kid is picking up on, not your noble intentions.