I Refuse to Cook Separate Gluten-Free Meals for My Stepdaughter — Now Her Mother Confronts Me

Family dynamics are often complicated, but it gets even more difficult to keep them healthy when stepparents and children are involved. A woman on Reddit shared her troublesome situation with her stepdaughter’s diet and her place in it, and wondered if she was wrong for doing what she did. Read the full story in our article.

What was the situation?

My stepdaughter, who is 15 years old, has been living with us every week for the past year and has been difficult when it comes to food. She first became vegan, which I accommodated by preparing meals without animal products. However, she quickly changed to a holistic diet and developed allergies to various foods.

My stepdaughter doesn’t eat lactose and gluten. She insists I keep her food and cookware separately, even throwing out items from the pantry that she believed were causing stomach pain. I told her to eat outside or do her cooking and cleaning herself, which she got angry about. My husband started yelling at me because of it.

After suggesting she seek professional help for her eating issues, it was revealed that she had no allergies. Despite this, she insisted on her beliefs. I reached a breaking point and started adding gluten and lactose to her meals, which she unknowingly consumed without issue. When her mother visited and praised her daughter’s improved health due to her new diet, I calmly pointed out that she had been eating the same food as the rest of us.

When she realized that, this led to a confrontation, resulting in my stepdaughter and her mother leaving. My husband was upset with me because she refused to live with us anymore. I told him that if he wants his daughter to live with him, he can move out. They have since filed a lawsuit, but I stand by my actions. I refuse to cater to the demands of a teenager with mental health issues, and will not apologize or make accommodations for her if she chooses to return.

As a nurse working long hours, I cannot afford the time or energy to comply with the unrealistic expectations of someone with unfounded beliefs about food. Am I wrong?

What was people’s reaction online?

The absolute majority of users supported the author. Many people were angry with the husband’s reaction, his lack of support for his wife and his inability to meet his own child’s needs.

• Your husband started yelling at you about it? Congratulations husband, you are now your daughter’s chief chef and bottle washer. My_Name_Is_Amos / Reddit
• If your husband wants to back up his daughter so much, he’ll learn how to support her dietary needs. His pawning it off on you and then yelling at you while he does nothing all shows just how “supportive” he actually is. If her mom is drinking the Kool-Aid, she can send your stepdaughter batched meals that can be heated up by Little Miss Princess. eternally_feral / Reddit
• She wanted a separate, different menu. Your husband is really stretching how long incompetence can be sexy with his inability to cook. Being a good father doesn’t make him a good husband. He doesn’t seem to respect you as a partner or as a professional, unless his own credentials exceed your own in the healthcare industry, he should pull his head out of the sand and listen. Last-Butterscotch-68 / Reddit

Many also agreed there are unresolved mental health issues that girl’s parents should pay more attention to. Some even claimed that they might have mental health issues too.

• You are right that this kid needs psychological evaluation along with both her parents. Suffering1s0ptional / Reddit
• This screams eating disorder and a conversion disorder as well, weirdly... All of this chaos is likely for attention. Wise-Adhesiveness129 / Reddit
• This sounds like orthorexia & her parents are just gleefully encouraging it. She’s 15, she has 2 living parents. Feeding her shouldn’t be your job, since you obviously aren’t up to her exacting standards. Her mama can send her with food or her daddy can turn the stove on. WastelandMama / Reddit

However, there were also a couple of people who mentioned something that the author shouldn’t have done.

• I understand why you did it, especially since the allergy test was negative. But no one should be fed things deceptively. You should have simply refused to cater to her demands. Hey-Just-Saying / Reddit
• Maybe unpopular opinion, but I think it’s always wrong to lie to someone about what is in their food. That said, she can make her own meals. Longjumping_Crab_345 / Reddit

When Emma, as a stepmother, refused to host her stepson’s birthday party at her home, it sparked tensions with the child’s mother. Explore Emma’s complete story here.