I Refuse to Let My Grandkids Move In, I Already Raised My Family Once

Sounds like she is taking advantage of the fact that you are her mother and thinks that that gives her the right to just show up at your door and assume she can just move right in. You need to let her know that you love her but that dosnt give her the right to just show up at your door and move in. She seems to think that she can just show up unannounced and just start running your life.. She needs a reality check and needs to understand that she can't just show up and expect you to just rearrange your life just to accommodate her . That's just rude and unacceptable. She needs a reality check to open her eyes and realize that the world dosnt revolve around her kids or no kids. Just tell her NO and stick with it. Dont let her try to pull a pity stunt on you because she's a grown woman has to realize that she can't just show up and assume she can just show up and move in. It don't work like that. A couple of days is one thing but moving in is a different story and you shouldn't be expected to change your life just like that for nothing. She needs to grow up and stop expecting mommy to bail her out. That's why they call it tough love and most parents have had to use it at some time. It may not be easy but nobody ever said being a parent was easy. Stand strong and DONT BACK DOWN!!!!!

Dear Bright Side,

I always thought I did a good job at preparing my daughter for adulthood. But what she did recently has me questioning that. My daughter is 30, she has two kids and a well paying job. She’s the kind of child you don’t think you’ll need to worry about because she has it all sorted out.

But a few weeks ago, my daughter showed up at my door with her kids and a few bags of clothes. It was unexpected, but I liked the surprise. Thinking they had come for a visit, I asked if they wanted to spend the night. I had no idea how wrong I was.

My daughter started crying as she explained that her lease had ended, and she didn’t have another place lined up. She came over because she thought I’d help until she could sort the situation out. I was furious. I had never known my daughter to be so irresponsible.

So I started questioning her. It’s normal for a landlord to contact you at least a month before your lease expires to ask if you want to renew or not. How did she end up in this situation? My daughter said that it just slipped her mind, which made me even angrier.

Jamie Wilson

I am calling major BS on this article.

It was like she just expected everyone to bend to her needs instead of being an adult and sorting out her own problems. So I refused to help her. It was time for her to take responsibility for her actions and learn to do things the right way.

A week later, she showed up again. This time she was alone and there were no tears. Turns out, she decided to give me an ultimatum. She said, “You can either take us in or I’ll have to put the children with their dad full-time, and you know how unreliable he is.”

I told her that I already raised three children of my own and that I would not be raising my grandchildren as well. If she was incapable of being a mother, then maybe she should send the kids to live with their dad. At least then they would have a stable living environment.

She left after that, and I haven’t seen her or the kids since. So Bright Side, what do you think? Was I too harsh on my daughter?

Regards,
Margaret K.

Some advice from our Editorial team.

Phyllis Popp

Not sure what else was so important that she didn't bother to secure housing for herself and the kids. Glad the dad is in the picture. Perhaps you can reach out to him to get the real story. Who knows if this woman has enough space to accommodate her daughter and the grandkids. Doesn't sound like the daughter has a plan and if she lands there it might be very hard to get her out.

Remember all that when you need someone to take care of you karma is a b.Hope you live to be healthy until you die which I seriously doubt. I will never turn my back on my kids and grandkids

Yes, we KNOW. Now, STFU

Manda Bme

6 days ago

You don't have kids to take care of you when you grow old. You work hard and have a plan in 0lace so your kids don't have to do that and. can enjoy their life or retirement while visiting you. It is a shame you will put that on your kids.

Blanche Green

No. I think you were right. When a child move back home with children they forget they are parents and think the .mother should raise your children, I will not unless you are sick. You had them take care of them. My life is mind I raise you

Pip Pfyne

We don't know your circumstances & it is your house, your rules. Maybe she thought she could blackmail you into babysitting as well? You know your limits.

When u get older and need help she may not be there now u burned a major bridge and by the sounds of things she made a mistake and if she has her head screwed on and you say she's not one to worry about. She may have had to sleep in her car with the kids if I was her I wouldn't feel comfortable have my kids around a grandma that wouldn't step up for the kids I wouldn't have them in your life and I guarantee she's told her siblings that u rejected them all and those kids would have seen grandma say not welcome your not a real mother you are selfish for abandoning your daughter and grandkids in a time of need

she rai

she raised her kids ! uou kmow she gonna move in and try to leave !

aronia parker

If she was going to abandon them she would have dumped them on there father's door step

Then she would lose any child support.

Manda Bme

6 days ago

Why do you all think having kids is old folks home plan? That is not why you have kids. You don't have them for grandchildren or to take care of you when you get old. You work hard and make sure you ha e a plan in pla e so you don't burden your kids with your care!

6 days ago

Manda Bme

Grandma doesn't have to raise them just put a temporary roof over there heads instead of leaving them homeless

Brenda Good

I feel so glad my kids will always be welcome in my home and I e stepped up now and again to help.How can anyone be so cold and cruel..even temporary lifeline would help especially grandkids who cannot be blamed..have a heart

Lisa Herman

You raise your kids the right way, set a good example for them but sometimes they just turn stupid. At a certain age they are considered adults.They need to act like an adult. I would let the kids stay not the Mom. It's not the kid's fault that the Mom is acting this way.
Get your act together or you might end up losing everything.

Lisa Herman

So, if she lets the kids stay, the daughter STILL gets her way. She also will NOT be showing up for her own kids. That IS her plan. She tried threatening her mother with leaving her kids with their own father. Guess what? That is EXACTLY what she should do. Kids are not pieces on a chess board .

Lisa Herman

That doesn't mean people don't go through things sometimes beyond their control you people act like as an adult you never had hard times

week ago

NOT renewing your lease, and NOT mentioning it AT ALL, WAS DEFINITELY IN HER CONTROL. If she had broached the subject with her mother, SOONER, RATHER THAN WAY TOO MUCH LATER, her mother would have most likely helped. Even if she wouldn't have helped, her daughter screwed the pooch.

Amy

So you would have let them stay for a visit? Couldn't you have compromised and let them stay for a month, then told her to get out? I understand your position and I agree living with you full time is not the answer but giving her a few weeks to find a place would have been nice.

S Tate

Amy

It's never just a month. She knew better

Golden 89

Nta. Enjoy your life.

Golden 89

Wtf, she is 100% the AH, not like its a pattern, daughter faults one time and can't count on her own mother for some temp assistance, that's just pathetic, id necmver speak to her again, bet in a couple years when she is dying all alone wondering why Noone is ther

week ago

Patterns START SOMEWHERE.

Too much, too late

You horrible evil human being imagine putting your grandkids on the street. Wow what a selfish person you really are

S Tate

Drew

You're so full of it. The story says they would go to the other parent. Where do you get in the streets from that? The mother did that by not sorting the situation out before she just popped up at the door feeling entitled to move in with no notice or discussion.

Diane Black

You'd rather see your grandkids in the STREET than let them stay for a couple of weeks? Damn.... That's cold af..... YTA

You stood up for yourself & your retirement that YOU worked so hard for ! You are my HERO ! Good job, stand your ground & they will figure it out. Now, you grab your best friend & book a cruise ! 🚢

Doggie Lover

She kicked her child and frandchildren to the curb when they needed help and you think that's a good thing.

THEY HAVE A FATHER, or did you ONLY READ the words that you wanted to? Just because the kids mother and father are divorced, DOESN'T MEAN he is a bad parent. Grandma ISN'T A BAD PARENT EITHER, she is just not going to let her daughter, (who BTW is acting like a brat), dictate HOW she lives her life. There is NO reason for letting her lease lapse, unless she is HIDING SOMETHING. If she lets her move in, she will establish tendency rights, then she will NEVER LEAVE. The kids aren't going to be homeless, and this woman is trying to take advantage of her mother. She may be planning on moving in, AND THEN quitting her job. Seen it happen.

Dear Margaret,

Thank you for reaching out to us and sharing your story.

If you want true clarity moving forward, stop framing this as a question of whether you were too harsh and start examining what your daughter’s ultimatum actually revealed.

She wasn’t asking you to raise her kids, she was panicking, cornered, and using fear to force a safety net she should have built herself. The real work now is not rescuing her but reopening communication in a way that separates accountability from abandonment.

Reach out once, calmly and without judgment, and make it clear that you won’t provide housing on demand, but you will help her build a sustainable plan: budgeting, childcare schedules, emergency contacts, and even coaching her on managing leases and paperwork.

This gives her exactly what she lacked at that moment: structure, not rescue; support, not surrender. It also puts the responsibility back where it belongs, on her, while reminding her that a single mistake doesn’t make her a failed adult or mother.

Your boundary wasn’t wrong, but the silence that followed is what can turn a teachable moment into a permanent fracture. The next step isn’t taking her in, it’s reopening the door to problem-solving together as two adults, not as parent and dependent.

Margaret finds herself in a difficult situation. But it’s not one that can’t be worked out with patience and commitment to her rules.

She isn’t the only one with family struggles, though. Another one of our readers reached out. Read the full story here: My Daughter Refused to Let Me Hold My Grandchild — Her Reason Broke Me.

Comments

Get notifications

Shannin Bushey

I had a very bad accident over a year ago I was in a coma for 3 weeks in ICU for a month in the hospital for 4 months and then a rehabilitation center after that I lost everything the doctors told my family they didn't think I was going to make it but my mom took my daughter I couldn't breathe on my own I had ALot of surgeries when I woke up I couldn't move my arms or legs couldn't eat was tube fed couldn't talk but I don't know where I would be if my mom didn't let me stay here and help me with my daughter I think you are a terrible person family is supposed to help family when my mother needs me when she is older I will be there to take care of her when she can't anymore I won't put her in a nursing home alone to get horrible care don't worry you didn't want to help them when they needed it when you need it I hope she puts you in a nursing home then you can be all alone in there I'm a single mother and I don't know what I would do without my mother's help since the day my daughter was born its hard daycare is so expensive I had to work overnights so my mom watched my daughter at night id have her the rest of the time but there's no way I could pay all my bills and daycare so thank God for my mother the past 14 years

rose smith

Not telling Mom in advance she needed help to find a place she has a good job but did not look for a place expected her to let her in unanouced try to blackmail her by refusing to ever let her see her grandkids these are big fat red flags my sis in laws did that to my mom in law if she refused to babysit and take kids to school and pick up etc they threatened to never let her see them so her daughter was being very dishonest she was hiding her true in tent lady you probably saved you economic mentle and moral peace

Wil Scott

Might of flew off the handle a tad!!

Theresa Anderson

Nta you did the right thing. Just the fact that she's trying to blackmail you with the children tells me all I need to know. The other comments here are people who've done everything for their children all of their life I guarantee you. Sometimes you do have to let your children see that you mean business she will be okay. And if she had to threaten to leave them with their father maybe they should be with their father exactly as you said. They can stay with the other responsible parent while she gets herself together. They are the ones that had a good time making those children let him take care of their responsibilities as well. As you say you know your children. She may be at a point that she doesn't want to work anymore she might quit her job when she moves in and then what. The people in these comments are not going to be there to help you pay for her bills the children's bills and the electric bills when she moves in with her children. Anybody can say what they want to in these comments but do we actually know that they're living what they're saying. Tell yourself the truth not your truth but the truth. She did this on purpose I guarantee it. No one forgets their rent is due. And she never said she didn't have the money. And as much as rent is these days how can you forget you have to put a roof over your children's head. I'm sorry but she's up to something. And for the other commenters as a parent you are to guide your children so that they may make the right decisions. And one of the decisions is not to come back home and use your parents.

Mark