I Refuse to Let My Unemployed Son Take Advantage of Me After He Moved Back In

Living with adult children can quickly turn stressful when boundaries blur and respect starts to fade, even complicated to get that adult child to move out. From setting clear rules to encouraging independence, it’s hard to handle entitlement at home while protecting your peace and keeping family bonds strong.

Katie’s letter:

Hey Bright Side!

So... my son Danny moved back in with me about 6 months ago after losing his job. No problem, I was happy to give him a place to land while he figured things out. I get it, times are rough, job hunting sucks, etc.

But here’s the thing: in the last six months, I have not seen a single application get filled out. No interviews. No networking. Dude just scrolls TikTok and plays Xbox all day.

I’ve been covering groceries, cooking, laundry, because I figured he’s probably feeling down, and I didn’t want to kick him while he’s low. I didn’t say much about it. Until last week.

I’m in the kitchen making dinner, and I overhear him on the phone in the living room laughing. He says (and I quote): “My mom is basically my free maid. She makes great food and doesn’t nag me too much. It’s chill.”

I just froze. Like, excuse me? Not “my mom’s helping me out” or “I’m lucky she’s letting me stay”, but free maid.

I haven’t confronted him yet, but now every time I make him food or pick up his laundry, I feel gross. Like I’m enabling him and he knows it.

Part of me wants to sit him down and tell him he has X weeks to find a job or move out. Another part of me feels guilty, because he’s my kid. But he’s also 29.

Bright Side, am I overreacting here? How would you, people, handle this without blowing up the relationship?

Thank you in advance,
Katie

Thanks for opening up about this, Katie. It’s not easy to talk about family stuff, especially when it’s frustrating. We’ve pulled together a few practical tips that might help set boundaries while keeping the relationship intact.

1. Love doesn’t mean being a doormat.

It’s okay to love your kid and still say, “Hey, I’m not your maid.” Setting limits doesn’t mean you don’t care, it means you care enough to not let him turn into a 30-year-old teenager. You keep waiting for the “perfect time” to talk about what bothers you, but here’s the secret: the perfect time is a scam.

2. Enabling is just a fancy word for stuck.

Every meal you cook and load of laundry you do while he scrolls TikTok is telling him: “This is fine.” If it’s not fine, stop acting like it is. He’s not going to magically wake up one day and decide to change if life’s already this comfortable. Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is make it just uncomfortable enough for him to move.

3. Don’t argue about the comment.

His “free maid” line is disrespectful, yeah, but the bigger problem is the behavior behind it. Focus the conversation on action steps, not on him “explaining what he meant.” If you get stuck debating the comment, you’ll end up in a circular argument that changes nothing. Keep steering it back to what needs to happen next, not why he said something like that.

Dealing with grown kids living at home isn’t easy, but setting clear boundaries can make a huge difference. Remember, encouraging independence while protecting your peace helps keep family relationships healthy and drama-free.