When parents pay for college, most kids assume it’s a gift, not a loan. But one person’s father is now asking for that money back and the reason why is tearing their entire family apart. Now everyone’s fighting over a decade-old decision, and the real story behind that tuition payment is way messier than anyone thought.
Dear Bright Side,
My dad paid my college tuition ($120K) 10 years ago. Now he's broke and wants repayment. I refused: "Parents don't charge interest on their kids!" He went quiet.
A week later, my sister called, crying, and I panicked when she told me something I never knew. Dad had taken out a second mortgage on their house to pay for my college. He'd told Mom it was for home renovations.
Mom just found out the truth, they're $120K in debt because of my education, and she never knew. She's furious at both of us.
I don't blame your Mom for being furious at both you and your dad. She's mad at your dad for not consulting her first before giving all that money to an ungrateful brat. You were an adult when you used that money for college, you need to be an adult and start paying it back.
Dad had lied to his own wife to pay for my school, thinking I’d pay him back quietly and Mom would never find out. Now their marriage is falling apart, they’re facing foreclosure, and Mom is blaming me for accepting money she never agreed to give.
Dad said, “I did this for you, and you won’t even help me fix it?” But he destroyed his marriage and finances with a lie. Am I responsible for his secret debt that I never asked him to take on?
— Harry
Why do americans expect their parents to fund their adult education (college/uni)
WHY DO YOU ALL FEEL THE NEED TO PUT THE WORD "AMERICANS" IN YOUR COMMENTS? THIS ISN'T ABOUT AN EXPECTATION OF THE SON. IT IS ABOUT A PARENT MAKING A CHOICE, AND NOT REVEALING HOW HE CHOSE TO ACHIEVE IT. THEN HE LIED AND EXPECTED HIS SON TO "REPAY" MONEY HE WAS NEVER TOLD WAS A "LOAN".
I think you should help it's the right thing to do. However I do think that you should have been told the exception before you went to school.
Sure IF he can help, I think that he SHOULD. He SHOULD NOT however, be held up by his father, who LIED TO EVERYONE INVOLVED.
You should try to help out if you can. It's not your responsibility but he did it to help you so if you can help him you should, even if it's only a bag of grocery shopping every week. Get them the necessities like bread, milk, butter, biscuits, tea, coffee, a cake for a treat and anything else that you think they would like. A couple of ready meals would be good too! Spend what you can afford. You could always write a card saying "Thank you for my education. Sorry I didn't realise what you were doing for me. I may not have accepted if l had realised. Please accept a few bits to eat = a goodie bag! Sent with love and thanks." And hand it over. Each time you are able do the same thing.
Cheers Caroline Fields.
Ms. FIELDS: You have a heart and, to me, your priorities in order.
The mistake was made out of love and hope for the future.
She didn't notice that there were NO HOME RENOVATIONS? HE didn't tell you that you were expected to PAY IT BACK? IF you knew, you might have made a different choice about WHERE YOU WENT TO COLLEGE. If at all. You might have been able to MAKE A REPAYMENT PLAN, IF you had AGREED TO IT, AT ALL. YOUR FATHER is a LIAR. Your mother seems to have paid NO ATTENTION, to the financial responsibilities, in HER OWN MARRIAGE. SHE is BLAMING THE WRONG PERSON. If you are able AND you feel so inclined, you COULD offer some help, but ONLY IF you can. By NOT giving you the opportunity to CHOOSE FOR YOURSELF, it takes you OUT OF THE LOOP. THIS IS ALL ON HIM. Don't let them GUILT you. You had NO WAY OF KNOWING, ANYTHING ABOUT THEIR FINANCES. PLEASE don't let HIS financial problems and poor planning, become an ANCHOR around your neck ⚓.
Why can't Americans just go to free programs for the poor if your dad couldn't afford it without bankcrupting himself he shouldn't have done it and why didn't your mum notice anything
WHY CAN'T YOU STOP BEING A BIGOT? BEING AN AMERICAN, HAS NOTHING TO DO THIS FATHER LYING TO HIS FAMILY. WHAT "FREE" PROGRAMS ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT? THE MOTHER NOT KNOWING, OR NOTICING, IS THE ONLY SENSIBLE THING IN YOUR COMMENT.
Look, this is a brutal situation to be stuck in, especially when it involves both family and money. We’re not going to sugarcoat it: there’s no easy fix here. But you can tackle the parts that are actually fixable. That’s why we’ve put together 4 suggestions that might help you navigate this mess.
Sadly the college kid did not know he or she had even accepted a loan from dear dad.
If you thought this story was messy, wait until you read about the mom who refused to let her daughter attend her dad’s wedding. The reason why? Let’s just say it involves loyalty, betrayal, and a decision that divided everyone who heard it. Read the full story here.
You are not responsible for the mess your dad made. I'm going to take a guess in saying that you never asked for your dad to pay your college tuition. Your dad chose to lie to everyone. You had no idea where the money came from or that your dad was lying about it. That is not on you that is on him. Your mom is way out of order for even blaming you for what your dad chose to do without your knowledge. Parents don't pay for their children to go to college then demand for it to be repaid.
I think you need to tell everyone to back off your dad's lies has absolutely nothing to do with you so they have no right to blame you or demand money
