I Refused to Cover for My Coworker While She Took Her Miscarriage Leave

It’s not uncommon for us to have to defend ourselves in the workplace. We are only human and we make mistakes. But sometimes there’s more to it than that. Sometimes one of our coworkers might be out to harm us, and that could complicate matters.

One of our readers shared her story.

Dear Bright Side,

I work in a small team of five. We all have our specialties and often lead projects in our field of expertise where we help the rest of the team get the job done.

Last week, my coworker Anna had a miscarriage. It was a devastating time for her because it was sudden and awful. She was six months along and no one expected this to happen. So she took two weeks off to recover from the trauma.

The thing is that she was leading a project at the time and the deadline was just around the corner. Our manager asked who could cover her workload while she was gone, knowing I was the only one who had the knowledge to do so.

Her project is highly specialized, and I am the only one she trained, so none of the others could take over. But I refused. I had already covered for someone else the month before, and I was mentally drained. My boss wasn’t thrilled, but he didn’t push it.

The project was about to miss its deadline and the team was overwhelmed. Now they’re blaming me. What they don’t know is that Anna and I have a history. A year ago, my mom was hospitalized, and I had to take time off. Anna covered for me and missed the deadline.

After that, she went to our manager and told him that I lied about my mom being sick. That I knew we wouldn’t make the deadline, so I created something to get me out of the office so someone else could take the blame.

When I returned, she acted like nothing happened. So when she was in need, I couldn’t bring myself to help because I couldn’t forget what she had done to me when I was in a bad place. Their project will fail like mine did, but I don’t need to stoop to her level, and I definitely don’t need to save her.

Thank you for reaching out to us. We understand how difficult a situation like this can be, and we’ve put together some tips that might help you.

Speak to your manager.

The best way to start to address this situation is by speaking to your manager. Tell him how you feel about what was said about you and that you feel it’s unfair for you to save her after what she has done. If you know where it stems from, mention that too.

A part of your manager’s job is to deal with office drama, and he needs to know what’s going on. If he doesn’t, you’re just shining a bad light on yourself and making it look like you’re being petty.

Don’t go low.

You say that you’re not going to stoop to her level, but by watching the team fail, you kind of are. You are busy punishing them for her actions, and that’s not fair. That’s why they’re blaming you.

If you want to be the bigger person here, you need to grab the bull by its horns. Take the project and help the team succeed. Make sure they meet the deadline and know that when push comes to shove, they’ll know who is worth supporting.

Sometimes confrontation is needed.

You might want to keep the peace in your workplace but staying silent in situations like these can wear you down. Sometimes, offense is the best defense. We would advise you to speak to Anna when she returns. Find out why she said those things about you and why she acted like it never happened.

Maybe she was trying to cover herself for missing the deadline, or maybe it is a personal problem. But until you address the situation, you won’t know for sure. It will also let her know that you are aware of what is happening behind your back, and it may stop her from doing things like that again.

Dealing with coworkers can be hard, but it’s important to remember that they are people too. They have their own struggles and failures. And sometimes they might do something that harms others for their own good. Other times it could just be a simple misunderstanding.