Living with in-laws isn’t always easy, especially when everyday habits collide. One reader shared how a seemingly straightforward household rule—no meat in her kitchen—quickly escalated into unexpected family drama. What began as a simple boundary soon ignited conflict.
Hi Bright Side,
I’ve been a vegetarian for years, and one of my only strict rules is that no meat is allowed in my kitchen. When my father-in-law moved in for health reasons, I laid down that boundary clearly. At first, he nodded along. But soon I started noticing strange smells at night.
One evening, I caught him in the kitchen at 2 a.m., frying bacon. When I told him he couldn’t disrespect my house rules, he smirked and said, “You can’t tell me how to live.” I told him that if he couldn’t accept my rule, he might need to find another place to stay.
The next morning, I woke up and saw luggage by the door. For a moment, I thought my father-in-law had packed up. But then my heart sank — it wasn’t his suitcase. It was my husband’s. He said he couldn’t stand watching me “throw his father out,” and that if I wanted a meat-free home, I’d be living in it without him.
Now I’m sitting here wondering if one house rule has cost me my marriage.
Am I really wrong for standing firm?
Emylin
Thank you for sharing your story — it’s clear that this situation has deeply affected your family. Whether or not you feel you were wrong, the emotional distance and conflict are now very real, and the challenge now is how to move forward thoughtfully and constructively. Here are three pieces of advice that could help you.
No other type of diet makes people so awful. I would have purchased one pot and one fry pan and ask him to do it only in that cookware. He is retired and if I could not have bacon, it would be your suitcase there unless you owned the home by yourself. Yes you tanked your marriage by assuming you were the only one of the three of you who had rights. Sure hope it was worth it
If you want to be a vegetarian good for you, but you can't force your views or lifestyle onto others. If others in your house live with you they should be allowed meat. You don't have to eat it. Throw my parent out I'd be going with them. "My house, my rules" is garbage. Now you're by yourself. I hope it was worth it.
So I have one question maybe two. Are you the sole provider for your residence? Did you own the house before getting married? If the answer is no to both questions, why then do you think you have the right to control. Live your life your way but don't try to force it on other people. After all did your FIL try to force you to eat any of the bacon.
Just like you can't force your religion on other people, you can't force your food choices on other people. A palate is a sensitive thing.
I think a compromise could have been reached maybe no meat cooked in certain cookware or only certain utensils to be used when cooking meat. Maybe get FIL a separate mini fridge to keep meat in. Depending on space maybe inly certain countertops for meat prep... just and idea so everyone can be happy.
Little late now. Maybe the next husband.
Forcing someone to be a vegetarian (that is what you are doing) or be homeless? Your husband has the right idea. You could and should have been able to come to some compromise, and you should have done it sooner. Seems like there is more going on than you are saying.
"Ok honey, I'll miss you. Enjoy living with your dad.". They don't respect you and are showing it.
Whatever 🙄, you must be just like her!!! Your both in the wrong!
She's acting as if HER desires are the only ones that matter. SHE'S the one who doesn't respect her husband and his father by forcing her will upon them.
She also doesn't respect her husband don't blame him for leaving with his dad marriage is 50/50 not one way.
The elderly often have issues getting the proper nutrition. For her to take away something in his twilight years he not only loves but is a good, easy source of many nutrients is wrong on every level. And yes I know protein, etc. can be had on a vegetarian diet but it often takes being diligent about combining the right foods to have the items be comparable to meat. It doesn’t sound like she is making sure his needs are being met for three meals and snacks. Just her own rule.
That is okay. There are a lot of us who do not respect her... because she does not respect others
Even if you feel justified in setting household rules, words like “This house is also my father’s house” signal that he may feel sidelined or disrespected in family decisions. The tension might not be about meat at all, but about his sense of being excluded from authority within a shared home.
Next step: Invite him into a calm, face-to-face conversation. Suggest working together to establish household expectations that honor both of your values. Think of it not as giving in, but as building a partnership.
Worry about your own food.choices and leave people.alone
Saying “Don’t come here if you don’t follow my rules” to anyone who lives with you may have felt like laying down the law. Being vegan in your own home is a valid choice. Imposing it as an absolute on others navigating loyalty, grief, or identity is likely to backfire.
Action: Introduce zones or compromises — e.g., “No meat in the kitchen, but if you order something, eat it so I don’t see it.” This gives space without changing your values.
I dont eat meat either. I l8ve alone.Had a battle buddy stay with me. I allowed him to use my pans ( never had meat cooked in them) and all to cook what he waned. He was my guest. After he left a couple months layer i deep cleaned my kitchen and bought new pans. I allow my guests to be guests..what i choose has nothing to do with them. So i have to call you out and say you are very wrong and need to apologize to all involved.
Clinging to “I did nothing wrong” might preserve your pride, but it won’t bring your husband or stepdaughter back. Justified or not, the hurt they feel is real.
What to do: Reflect not only on the rule itself, but on how it was communicated. An apology doesn’t mean abandoning your vegan values — it means saying, “I’m sorry I made you feel unwelcome in your own home. That was never my intention.” Sometimes, that small acknowledgment can be the first step toward reopening a closed door.
Despite all the tensions we might face, there is also a lot of kindness in the world.
Here are 15 Stories That Prove Kindness Runs in Some People’s Veins.
My daughter just moved in due to a separation, we have a difference of opinions on religion and what that all details. I do not force her to obey my beliefs just to live in our home. She came with two kitties, I have two kitties and a dog, I have had a doggie door for 8 years, her kitties have never been outside. We are changing the door out so that her pets don't accidentally go outside. My pets need to learn to go out and wait to be let back in. It's all a compromise to have the ones you love close by. It is worth having someone cook and eat protein in your home if you love your spouse, or find someone whose whole family is vegetarians or vegan. Good Luck with that!
I also was thinking that your husband doesn't like this vegetarian rule either. You guys took the FIL in as he needed help. You can't just turn around and throw him out because he likes bacon. This is you husbands home and your FIL home. Your FIL didn't sign up to be a vegetarian just because he had to move in. I have no clue why you eat the way you do, but your FIL has been eating meat for a lot of years now and is still alive and kicking!
You wanting to put your father in law out of your house is beyond crazy "Karen" you can't force your lifestyle onto someone else that's what is wrong in this country now everyone believes they're entitled and everyone has to conform to their beliefs.
If your married, its all of your house, and if you let fil move in on a permanent basis, then he's a resident, not a guest. Adult residents have a say in the rules. The only thing you have a right to keep food out of is yourself. Not your family, not your kitchen. Stop being a two-bit dicta(s)tor and save your family. Vegans need to realize that Noone would judge them for their choices if they would stop their authoritarian garbage.
He’s cooking meat at 2am because you’ve made him too scared to cook meat in his own home, and you don’t see anything wrong with this? That’s right, it’s his home too now. My five year old son decided he doesn’t want to eat meat, so I cook meals for us up until the point I add the protein, serve his and add vegetarian protein to his, and carry on cooking mine after adding meat. I also cook vegetarian meals for both of us to eat. I was able to compromise, and go some way to saving the planet myself. I won’t force him to go against his morals. I can’t see why this vegetarian insists on cooking all the meals but won’t accomodate the (probably) two omnivores she lives with. Won’t even let them cook their own meat. Why is her way the only way? If her husband and father in law wanted to be vegetarian, or even eat less meat, they would have. Her husband probably just pays it lip service and gorges on McDonald’s and steak dinners outside the house. Like a vegetarian kid my brother knew growing up. He’d go on holidays with my brother and dad to the beach, he didn’t hold back on eating meat there, ate plenty of barbecued sausages, etc, but was forced to be vegetarian by his parents at home for religious reasons. Almost guaranteed your husband is cheating on your vegetarian diet.
