I Refused to Watch My DIL Give Birth— She Made Sure I Regretted That Moment

Family & kids
month ago
I Refused to Watch My DIL Give Birth— She Made Sure I Regretted That Moment

Family relationships can turn painfully complicated around pregnancy, childbirth, and new babies. Expectations, hurt feelings, and power struggles often surface at the most emotional moments. This story touches on in-laws, motherhood, rejection, and the quiet ways kindness can be denied when it matters most.

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You could have stayed by her side holding her hand giving encouragement. Did you think you were catching the baby?

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Hi Bright Side,

My daughter-in-law begged me to be in the delivery room because her mother lives far away and my son was on a work trip. For nine months, I had been running errands, attending appointments, and putting my own life on pause whenever she asked.

When she called again that night, something in me finally broke, and I said no. I told her I could not keep being available on demand. The whole childbirth scene would have just disgusted me.

She screamed, “I will make you pay! I won’t forget it!” and hung up. I thought that was the end of it.

A few days later, I received a handwritten note inviting me to their “Welcome Baby” celebration. It looked sweet at first, until I noticed my role was labeled “Open House Guest, 4 to 5 PM.” I felt uneasy but went anyway, telling myself I was overthinking it.

The moment I arrived, I knew I was not. They presented her mother with a diamond bracelet in front of everyone, thanking her for her “unconditional support.” She was seated like royalty, holding the baby while a photographer snapped pictures. I later learned she had already spent two full hours doing portraits and was getting a professional photo album made just for her.

When it was finally my turn, my daughter-in-law said, “Quick, one photo.” She refused to stand for a family picture and stepped aside as if I did not belong there. The photographer looked uncomfortable. I stood there smiling through embarrassment, feeling rejected in a room full of people.

I left early and cried in my car. I keep asking myself if refusing the delivery room is why I was punished, or if this was always how she planned to put me in my place. I love my son and my grandchild, but I feel humiliated, sidelined, and deeply hurt.

Was I wrong to say no, or was this cruelty completely uncalled-for?

— Galy

You didn't have to look down there when she was giving birth. You could have been there for morale support. You did this. I bet that greatly hurt her. I wouldn't have let you near the baby.

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Galy, dear, what you experienced would sting anyone. Being excluded and publicly minimized at a family celebration is not a small thing, and your reaction makes sense. Saying no once does not erase months of effort, care, and kindness you already showed.

It may help to step back and remember an old saying: people show you who they are when they feel they have power. This situation was not about a bracelet or a photo. It was about control and punishment. That is not something you caused by choosing one night to protect your own limits.

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The advice from the people who answer these stories almost always is wrong
This site give crapping advice that's not always useful. But the people who responded don't hold back

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If and when you are ready, consider having a calm conversation with your son, not to accuse, but to explain how this made you feel. Focus on the impact, not the event. If that feels impossible right now, it is okay to take space and let emotions settle. Healing family relationships takes time, and sometimes silence is better than forcing forgiveness too soon.

Most importantly, do not let this moment convince you that you are less important as a grandmother or as a person. Love is not measured by delivery room access or photo albums. You showed up in many ways, and that still counts, even if others refused to see it.

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+ i will never understand how bright side is always giving a positive advice. No, Galy was so wrong here

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So her mother wasn't there for the birth, she tried to force you to go through guilt, but somehow her mom is worthy of diamonds for not showing up and you're treated like a peasant when you were there for everything else through the entire pregnancy? I'm sorry but you do not have to be in the delivery room to be considered family to a child. Her mother wasn't in the delivery room. Your son wasn't in the delivery room. Why is the fact that you weren't, when no one else was make you the bad guy? No one has the right to demand you do something that makes you uncomfortable, they just don't.

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I'm thinking, wasn't anyone there for MiL when she gave birth to her son? Was it also a "gross" experience for her or for the person who came to be with her at the birth? If so, why didn't she remember that????

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To quote an oft-popular sports comment: "You had just ONE job!" (That was in reference to the NY Giants punter Matt Dodge who had kicked the ball to the Eagles receiver DeSean Jackson, who returned the ball for a TD in the final seconds of the game, which became the "Miracle at the New Meadowlands 2.0")! Football aside, while it's commendable that you were helping your DIL out throughout the pregnancy, you failed BIG TIME when she needed someone with her while she was in labor, and compounded your refusal by calling childbirth "disgusting" (like, how did you think we all got here, via a cabbage patch??)! You weren't asked to catch the baby; you were asked to BE THERE, whether it's to hold her hand, feed her ice chips, even provide words of encouragement in lieu of her husband (work) and her mom (too far away)! But because you couldn't be bothered to be there for her when she really needed you, she placed you in the hierarchy of being a "guest" instead of a grandma! So, sorry, you're the one who missed out on the diamond bracelet, and it's not your SON you need to talk to, it's his WIFE!!

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