My Boyfriend Was Embarrassed by Me for Screaming During Childbirth

Childbirth can be one of the toughest yet happiest moments in your life, but it’s not always remembered that way. Just like this woman who shared on Reddit the story about her rough and painful delivery, during which her boyfriend accused her of something totally unexpected. Feeling overwhelmed, she decided to seek advice online for some support.

She shared her experience online.

We have been in a relationship for 1 year, and we had a baby boy last week. I had a natural birth and my bf was there throughout the whole process. I screamed A LOT and each time I did he whispered something like "Can you stop screaming, you're really embarrassing me". I also threw up a few times, and I saw him cover his face in shame. When I held the midwife's hand for comfort, he whispered, "Let go of her, stop being so embarrassing." He also said that my birthing position was embarrassing and called me a few vulgar names.

I'm really upset about his behavior that day, especially when it was when I needed his support the most. When I try to talk to him about it, he denies ever saying it and that I'm being silly... ThrowRA540098 / Reddit

What online users suggested her.

• My husband (25M) helped the nurse clean me up. Then he helped hold me up as I delivered our son. Not to mention him holding everything together at home the whole time, and constantly being present and ready to help at any moment.
  That is all said to assure you that your bf's behavior is NOT normal and is NOT acceptable. You're not being silly. This is a huge red flag, and a big indicator of what his future behavior will be like in stressful situations. Please don't feel like you have to stay with him just because you have a baby together. You deserve better than this. InvisibleBookend / Reddit
• I'm surprised your midwife didn't tell him to leave the room when he was acting like that. I'd hate to see how he copes with a crying baby. Keep your eye on him, seriously. SquilliamFancySon95 / Reddit
• I'm going to disagree with the people saying he needs to grow up here. Because this isn't an immaturity issue. You don't insult and degrade your partner while they give birth to your child because you're immature. You do it because you're a huge manipulative.
  No good person would ever do this. And I can't imagine someone being an angel up until this point either. I would bet there's more to his behavior, even before this, even if you're not aware of it. Acceptable_Recipe / Reddit

• My child’s father (who is no longer around much, and I am separated from) also acted as though I was embarrassing him. I screamed and screamed. My contractions hurt so horribly like I was being stabbed over and over, and he just looked at me so rudely and literally left the room a few times.
  All I can remember of this day is mostly him making me feel like I was doing something wrong. I deserved better. You deserve better. Please get out now princessabeccca / Reddit
• It's one thing if he fell apart in the hospital room because of stress, but it's a whole other thing to deny his horrible behavior days later. This is just flat-out lying to you. You were there! You know it's a lie, and he still tries it!
  His level of disrespect for you knows no bounds. Do you really want this dude filling the mind of your baby with all his ideas & behaviors? jack_skellington / Reddit
• Given that he’s not apologizing but instead denying it ever happened, I don’t think this is going to get better. formerbarracuda6 / Reddit

• He had one job during your labor: to support you. He failed at his first task as a father. He will fail again. brindey / Reddit
• Fun. You have a shiny new baby with a baby. You're gonna be so busy... procrastinator3000v2. / Reddit

Some behaviors that can be applied to cope with similar situations.

• Be Patient with Yourself: Healing from such an experience takes time. Allow yourself to feel upset and take the time you need to process it.
• Establish a Support System: Connect with other new parents who might share similar experiences. This can provide validation and support as you navigate this new chapter of your life.
• Reassess Your Needs: Consider what you need moving forward in your relationship. If you feel that your emotional needs are consistently unmet, it may be important to reevaluate the relationship's future.
• Reflect on the Relationship: Think about whether this behavior is part of a larger pattern. If your partner frequently dismisses your feelings, it might be worth considering the long-term implications for your relationship.
• Communicate Clearly: When discussing your feelings, try to express yourself calmly and clearly. Use "I" statements, like "I felt unsupported when you said those things during the birth." This might help your partner understand your perspective without feeling attacked.

Such situations truly challenge a relationship and make one question whether the journey together is worth continuing, just like this new mother who felt abandoned by her husband during childbirth.