My Dad Came Back to My Life, but Ruined Everything With One Rule

Reconciling after years of being apart can either be a hit or a miss. In Andrew’s case, things seemed to have gone beyond south as he tried to reconcile with his dad. His dad’s idea of a family get-together didn’t exactly align well with Andrew and his brother.

My dad resurfaced after years of being apart with his own new family.

Andrew writes, “My parents divorced when I was young, so I never developed a strong bond with my father. A couple of years ago, he resurfaced. Out of the blue, he got in touch, saying he wanted to reconnect. We found out that, during his absence, he had married an older woman who had left him a lot of money when she passed away. Shortly afterwards, he got a new, younger girlfriend who had two children of her own.”

We were going to go on a family vacation.

“He invited my brother and I on a holiday, but said no grandchildren allowed. My brother was angry. He said that if his children weren’t welcome, then he wouldn’t be either. So we refused, but our dad didn’t take that well. Before I had the chance to talk to him about it, he cancelled the trip and went away with his girlfriend and her children instead. It felt like rejection all over again.”

His girlfriend treats us really badly.

“To make things worse, his girlfriend treated us as if we were an inconvenience from a life he was trying to leave behind. Now I am torn. Part of me wants to confront him and tell him how hurtful all of this is making me feel. Another part of me wonders if it’s even worth trying.

What should I do? Is it worth trying to build a relationship with him, or should I finally stop hoping for something he may never be willing to give?”

Thank you for opening up Andrew! Here’s some piece of advice we think could help.

• Confront your dad: Rather than keeping your feelings pent up, tell him that what he did hurt you and your brother.
• Talk to him about his new girlfriend: He needs to know how badly she treats you. If he’s okay with it, then that says a lot more about him and you’re next steps with him.
• Mirror his efforts: If he’s not putting any effort into apologizing to you or confronting his new girlfriend, then it’s time to let go because these actions show his lack of respect.
• Choose your own family: Sometimes the deepest bonds are formed not through blood, but through love, presence, and reciprocity. Surround yourself with people who choose you.

It’s evident that Andrew’s dad isn’t willing to reconnect genuinely with him and his brother. Sometimes parents fail their kids, just like these ones who made their kids lose all trust in them. But there’s always a light at the end of the tunnel thanks to the people that choose you.